What Am I Up To?

I have often been asked what have I been doing lately since I stopped working. Recently, I have adopted a simplified standard answer and it helps, no further questioning, my answer is “painting/doing art”. (Someone actually thought I meant painting my house?) To strictly say that I am painting is not fully right, though I must clarify I am not lying as well. I have really started painting again after 7 years.

Yet painting is not the complete truth. So now I am attempting to answer this once and for all, and if anyone asked me again, perhaps I shall give them a card with the link to this website, and ask them to read for themselves? (just a joke)

I did some designs initially, architecture per se, followed by graphics, went for a short business/travel trip. Since then, I started painting, editing a short little children’s story of mine, which is still far from good as my English has always been terrible. Hasn’t fully started on its illustrations yet, as I am still waiting for the inspiration, though some research has been done. This expedition seems daunting to me now, and may likely take another one to two years to complete, especially when I start working again.

I have finally started to compile all my little cartoons, hopefully into a booklet. As the days flew, the task seems more and more immense, though the amount of work completed has increased. The very first draft shall be ready soon, I hope, though it is still far from perfect, but to me it is at least a first step towards a little dream. When asked by closer friends, and told them I am compiling a little book, some commented I am really brave to do such a thing. (Perhaps silently they are thinking she must be “crazy”? To quit a stable job was perhaps the first “crazy” thing to some …. Then to do things of such was perhaps totally unheard of…Yet, I just felt when would be a better time to pursue a dream except now especially I can do it on a fulltime basis during these few months before I move on to the next phase? It really takes a lot of childishness (childlike faith?) to do this…. But to be honest, this childishness of mine, to indulge in this hobby, may not last very long since I am after all a very pragmatic person… that is the reason I am rushing to finish it.

Friends who heard that I am doing this also questioned how could I expect the task to be completed in a month? (I am giving myself only a few weeks to do this) Such a task sometimes takes years. I was initially quite taken aback, for it is true, but then who says it can’t be accomplished? The fact is 2 years worth of illustrations have been accumulated, and it was not done over 2 to 4 weeks, it was a journey I have taken for the past few years, now it is a matter of touching up and enhancing the quality.

Recently, I watched a documentary, just a short clip. About a designer who chooses his hobby as his work. The reason given by him that he can persist in this, he believes it is his simplicity and childlikeness that allows it to happen. How many of us dare to put down reasoning for a while, to go forth and do something they really like, it takes the singleminded, simple ones to go forth and do it… Perhaps thinking too much, asking too many “what if” is the deterring factor. Rather than spending time on “what if”, might as well channel the time to just do it first and see! So I hope I have given a good answer. Sigh, but the pragmatic me is catching up soon… time is precious…”what if”? Cheers!

Note: the above is the 1st real painting completed after 7 years. Used it to take part in a competition, didn't win anything, but it is ok, since right from the beginning, this painting was painted for myself anyway. Concept as follows:

Childhood dream etched forever in one’s mind, though it remains an episode of the past, but has subconsciously become one’s pursue for the future, thus forever vibrant and beautiful. “Now” the mundane routine of life becomes dull and depletes of colours. Seeking to repaint the present, start anew and boldly take on the dream of one’s childhood, like caring for a sapling in one’s hand, seeing the growth of the sapling in the realm of imagination, and never failing to take the childhood’s dream as a point of reference when journey of realization seems challenged and difficult.

Three methods of expression were taken, almost as a collage of images in one’s mind, vibrant colours depicts the dream. Grey symbolizes the present: career, finances, endless deadlines and time, which are portrayed by everyday items: set square, calculator, planner, and a watch that “time” finally comes to a stand-still on the canvas. Ink as a medium to explain the journey, from imagination to reality; translating between dream and future, via ink, stroke by stroke. The green sapling symbolizes a new beginning, fresh and new. How many dare to boldly take this step to start afresh- a new beginning?

Almost Ready

An illustration which was delayed for a month cos I was afraid of "kanna sue", as shown above, hope you catch it, perhaps only those in the building industry can appreciate the comic. It is just for laugh, and it is altogether hypothetical.

Another week has passed, I have been counting down since I stopped "working". I felt rested, and ready to set forth, and start afresh at last. And yes, I have finally acted, though it may take quite a bit of time before any further progress, but at least I have taken a step forward, and I am leaving the rest for my Shepherd's further input.

So in the meanwhile, time is really precious, there are still quite a bit of things done halfway through. This break to me has been fruitful, I have finally started on what I set out to do right from the beginning, a childish pursue but I felt it is worth all the while...been working about 8-10hrs a day at home on my own, no one to impress, just wanted to act on a long time dream and the satisfaction is rewarding. The time flies and work doesn't really feel like work, though there is no monetary gain yet. There are times it seems there is no inspiration, and yet there are times rivers flow unceasingly. B, may need your help soon, to check through my stuff, can? Think another 1 week it should be ready... Thanks, remembered you said you can help me?

It's been years since I spend so much time at home with my mom, perhaps the last time was when I was in my university. Unlike most of my peers, I am one who worked pretty well at home alone, for I am someone who didn't like to be compared with or to compare or interested in what others are doing, or having peers looking over my shoulders to see what I was doing or had completed, as I just didnt like to be in a competitive working environment, I enjoyed doing things based on my little target set each day and at my own pace, almost like a scientist in deep research. For I felt most at ease working in this manner, and strange enough, this method of working has never caused me to be the slowest, in fact many a times, I ended being one of the fastest among my peers. And this has been my methodology for the longest time, even when I am working in the real world.

Been pondering. I thank the Lord for this working methodology, listen and look within my heart, for the answers are there already, supplied by the Shepherd. There were a few occasions I adopted others' methodologies, looking to others for inspiration, comparing my speed with my peers, trying to conform, to impress and please people above, and the results have turned out almost disastrous. As I looked back (it is a bad habit to keep looking back), those miserable last few months when I was feeling frustrated was perhaps I was trying so hard to please, to live up to what I thought I was supposed to be? And perhaps I started comparing, looking outward instead of within and looking to others instead of Him for assistance? For that period of time, I forgot I was working as unto the Lord, which was what I was doing before that all along. Let me never forget this again, my Shepherd.

I have learnt a little during this break. May my Shepherd always, constantly remind me that He alone is more than sufficient for me, and He will always supply. Cheers!

16th June 2007

MY NIECE

Yesterday was my niece’s 21st birthday. In fact, I was planning to post a special illustration yesterday just for her, but there was simply no inspiration and therefore it is postponed until now, when the idea came last night at a concert. Hope you like it, Xiang, you are forever as lovely as a rose, prized highly in the Shepherd’s eyes. In fact, both your sis and I thought of getting you a bouquet of flowers last week when we celebrated together with you…cos of various reasons…. We didn’t get in the end… so here it is, a pretty lasting rose so long as this blog continues…. We as a family love you deeply! Have not been catching up with you much, as you have been so busy with work, though hearing news about you on and off from your sisters and mom, how fast time flies, seen you grow from a baby into a pretty young adult (this does not mean I am old), at times a babysitter for you (I think I did, cos I baby-sit your sisters so many times, I presume I did that for you too)… you have also been an item for my sketches when I was schooling, I looked through my old sketches, there was a portrait of you with your pillow and pacifier, didn’t have the courage to post that, as the sketch needed quite substantial touching up before it is presentable. Our Shepherd has given you wings to fly and excel in your dream, and therefore continue to dream big! You are ever so bold and sure of what you wanted to do in life, may you in the pursue of the dream in your heart, that your revelation of His love for you increases everyday!

MY FRIEND

This illustration is also dedicated to a beloved friend, who is going through a difficult time now. I know my lovely niece will be glad to share this illustration with you too, as this picture came when I was thinking of my niece and you. Friend, quit doubting about yourself, you truly have a talent placed in you from above (write this cos it is true and not mere comforting words, it is so visible to us, perhaps you can't see), you are just in the middle of the journey, and you have not seen the plan of God for your life unfolded fully before you yet, surely He who places the dream in you will provide you with the strength and ability to fulfill that dream as well. I will always be a listening ear whenever you need, but most of all, our Shepherd will never leave you alone. Love you, friend! You will come out of this stronger with the Lord soon. You are a precious beautiful gem to Him, for He deems you worth His entire life!

16th JUNE 2007

A lot on my mind today, as I would normally spend the entire Saturday morning reading the papers, as it was the only free day in the past to catch up with the entire week’s news, and I would read almost anything except sports and money, somehow these 2 don’t excite me that much. Therefore this explains the length of today’s journal, cos so much needed to be penned down.

Read about the slaves in the brick kiln, read about how some people survived with US$2 a day. And then I read about space travel possible soon, costing one about $300 000 per ride into space yesterday. How disparate 2 lifestyles that can co-exist in this world, where on one extreme, people are living in abject poverty, while a few are spending millions on seemingly crazy pursue. Lives seem of no purpose in the first situation, when humans are treated like working robots. It reminded me of a question I did ask myself when I was a kid while watching all those Chinese kungfu drama, how people killed one another, especially in scenes where there was a war going on, how all the soldiers who were dying in the background became seemingly just props for the story, didn’t they too if in real history, had families, where each of them meant a great deal to someone, yet why was it that they became so common and just one in so many here in the small screen? Isn’t everyone in this life remains forever dear, unique to another individual, be it one’s parents, friends and most of all, our Shepherd? (Think too much lah!)

Then I went on to read my favourite sections of the papers, Life! And Saturday. somehow both touches on a hyper sensitive topic to me, architecture, one that can evoke much talk from me, so here it goes. En bloc and iconic buildings were the 2 topics. In the last 6 years working in this field, interesting enough, I have actually touched on situations related to them, just before I left my job. I would say it is a really sad thing to begin with, buildings were thought to be built to last a lifetime? Yet now, building stands for 10 years and it is time to be torn down. (Perhaps that is why I really didn’t want to do condominium design anymore?) Gone were the days of those childish dreams of an architect of building something that last? Architecture has become a style, a fashion statement? I thought buildings were for the betterment of mankind, to create a space to engage, hold a dialogue, evoke feelings, and possibly improve human lives. And the idea of iconic buildings? I have seen the Beijing’s new grand theatre from afar in my last trip, and to be honest, I am not at all impressed. Iconic without a story is an empty shell. Perhaps my ideal sounds childish still, good design should have an engaging story, a deep-thinking process involved, and the beauty came forth as a result, this I saw in the beautiful Temple of Heaven, Tabernacle of Moses, in them nothing redundant, everything oozes with meanings and symbolism. I have never produced a work of such caliber so who am I to be a critic of others? (Only in Him will that be possible in my life.) Paiseh…. Perhaps the Jewish Museum in Berlin would have come close, though I have never been there myself (wish to go one day)… and anyway… the registration is full for the Daniel Libeskind’s talk this coming week, before I even had a chance to register!!! Sob! (I must have been too “bitter” of not getting a place and therefore become such a critic!) Who would offer me a seat to attend? Help, Daddy God!

Painting . Architecture . Cartoon . Change . My Shepherd

Painting is a passion, Architecture is my rice bowl, Cartoon is my dream, but the Lord Shepherd is my All.

Life’s dilemma entails a great deal in decisions. Everyday, we are challenged almost at any instance, to make decisions, some are harmless, some constitute great impact to our future while others create no small impact to others. Be it deciding what to eat for lunch, shall we watch this movie or that, what shall I do next, this project or another, shall I take up this job or not, shall I accept the Lord’s offer of salvation, etc, they are decisions we have to make at one point or another, some may have great consequences.

The 1st real painting since I started my working career, has finally finished yesterday, after a week of fulltime painting (with OT but done willingly), now in the touching up process. Looking back, I only painted twice for myself, once close to the turn of the year 2000, and the other one, now. Those I did in school were mainly to fulfill school’s requirement, and in fact, I was doing more designing than painting in the past since my secondary school days. I realize only recently that I actually quite like still life, and composition of different methodology of presenting an artwork, and I didn’t know I can actually paint quite well…(boasting here), that my Daddy God has actually given me a gift that I hardly use all my life… At least not too late in discovering it now…

Architecture to me is still a love-hate relationship, though through the years, the Lord has helped to dissipate the hate aspect more and more, and love for it has increased at a very fast pace. To be honest, designing is not 2nd nature to me, it seems that I always have to go through a process of deep quietness, a pondering process, even at times struggle, almost to the extend of needing to seek the Lord for breakthrough each time, and perhaps it was precisely because of this, there arised a “dislike” of it, as everything seemed so unsure, yet it makes me ever so dependent upon the Lord, as only through architecture, can I see I am nothing without the Lord. Yet the satisfaction when the idea drops from above, is beyond words.

Drawing cartoon is a dream I had as a child, seeing my brother drew cartoons at the corner of his book and flipping it quickly always amazed me, and Walt Disney (the person) is always an inspiration to me. To produce cartoon be it in the form of a book or even a movie (dreaming still) that captivates the human heart is a dream… For cartoon unlike art found only in museum and gallery, is a layman’s art, that anyone can relate to, and this is what I really love, I call it art for the simple folks, cos I am also simple.

Now in the process of in between jobs. I have difficulty deciding the next step, indeed… I have. To be honest, I am afraid, as I didn’t want to be trapped in the mindless attempt of struggling to keep up with the schedules in work anymore, all seems so vain and crazy, the rush, the datelines, the occasional “rejections”, abortive works, now that I am out of the picture, I can see it objectively. Change, is it possible in this line? Can Architecture be to me a hobby rather than a rice bowl? All things are possible with God.

Amid all these, a decision... only the Lord knows the next step… He leads me beside still waters, He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name’s sake… Meanwhile, I am still in indulgence… Selah.

Beginning of Baa & Meow?

Been feeling great recently, and I mean GREAT! For the past few weeks, I have finally started the engine of my train, to start doing what I have been wanting to do during this “sabbatical break”, that is to draw and paint. I am having such great fun in my time of solitude, and I am still in the midst of it! I had almost forgotten what it was like to paint, and even forgot the fact that I can actually paint!!! When was the last time I decently paint a painting, except those small ones I did for this blog, it could be more than 5 years ago? In fact, I am really thankful to God that this blog has spurred me on to draw again, a hobby that I love very much. It has become a tool to express and a tool to encourage, especially myself.

Painting to me has a strange therapeutic effect, it has the ability to relax my mind, and I really enjoy the process, of mixing colours, painting on the canvas, standing back to check proportion and colour, etc. I am thankful to my Shepherd for giving me the ability to draw and paint, and most of all, for using this to teach me to rest, and also it has no agenda attached as I truly have no one to impress this time round except perhaps myself!

The truth is I may have finally rested quite a bit recently, somehow I caught myself with “heightened ability” to notice the unnoticeable and small sudden spur of inspirations here and there, to see things which I don’t normally do. For the past week, being alone, having to visit the neighbourhood to get lunch, dinner and papers, I started noticing my estate, my neighbours, my surrounding, and I felt so blessed. One of them is my neighbour’s cat. (Remember I mentioned about my neighbour’s cat?) You would never know that it has in fact become a source of inspiration to me.

One day as I was going out of my flat to run an errand, I saw my neighbour’s cat, lying lazily along the corridor, looking out through a gap in the parapet wall. It is having a great time of its own, I pondered. At that moment, I was actually jealous of it (fancy the fact that a human being is envious of a cat?), it does not need to worry about the next meal or to find a job to stay alive, and it is so well fed, having all the time in the world to play! I was then reminded that I am in a better position that it, as I am the prized possession of my Shepherd. Selah.

I realized several times my inspiration comes while I am having my shower, and this happened again today. I had an idea of a comic strip which can run for a long period of time coming to me in that instant, “Baa & Meow”, the enmity between the lamb and the cat living within the same estate! Cool! So this is it! I have started on the draft for the cat, searching for the perfect cat image to match my lamb. Please vote, pals, bearing in mind how my lamb always look!

Having so many things I want to do, and in fact I am kept pretty busy almost everyday, drawing, painting, learning new software, reading etc etc, I am also already experiencing haven! This to me is really enjoying life, no need to spend much, yet so fulfilling and feel so enriched everyday. I am excited, having so many things to do and to learn… hope you too have an enriching week ahead! Cheers, pals!

(A friend commented that I look so relaxed recently, the "tense" look has slowly dissipated, all thanks to God for inventing the principle of rest! And also thanks to all my dear friends and loved ones out there, for the past few weeks, I have been reminded by them to think about asking for copyright and even publishing my comic in the physical world and not in virtual world, I will start to look into this seriously. But the Lord has to open the door for me, please pray for great favour for me then in this area, actually I am totally blur as to how to proceed with this, although I say I will start looking at it seriously.)

Home Alone . 5000 Hits

Been pretty busy since. Celebrated my XX birthday over the period of last week, simple, cosy get together times with family and friends. This week is perhaps one of those rare weeks that I am alone at home for 5 days, as my mom and brother are away. Having to do a little housework which otherwise I would not be bothered, so that I can at least survive, like boiling water for self-consumption, watering the plants, prepare some simple meals if I am too lazy to go out to get my food.

Despite the fact that I have spent quite a bit of time drawing since the past week, I have done none for the blog.... therefore this explains the above, a collage combining 2 past works.... just felt this deserves an illustration to celebrate the 5000 hits mark and yet I had little time to draw one. Thanks to all friends who have supported this blog. There are simply so many things I want to do in this month. For example, to learn (self-study) to do some simple web design and to publish one perhaps to earn some profit, to paint a painting for myself to mark a new beginning (still conceptualizing), to draw a dream I have been cherishing for the past year, started on this, but the task is quite daunting, and it has been a long time since I really, seriously draw, as in DRAW.... Time is so precious!

So I wouldn't be writing too much, time to switch off my mind now for a little TV entertainment... Tomorrow is a brand new day with new inspiration from the Lord! Cheers!

A Taitai's Life?

Ok ok, so there is no excuse for not producing new illustration, now that I am free, but strange as it seems, I was really quite busy the past week, I wonder why, though I am not working. (The above illustration is a re-render of an old piece of work about 2 years back, sorry no new work today.) How did I spend my last week, I ponder. I really didn’t do much but it just flew past me.

As one of my ex-colleagues asked me “Are you living a Taitai’s life?” Perhaps, a little bit of that this past week. I did a few days of errand running, shop for birthday gifts, visit the museum yet again, spend time with my mom, and that is it, the week is over, and I have yet accomplished what I should be doing… No more delay, now that the portfolio is done and even updated…

Though I feel I have yet rested enough… at least for the next week, it will be my gift to give myself a little break, plus it marks the special occasion that this blog has entered its 3rd year. Hope it will reach 5000 hits by next week! (Maybe I should keep going to my own blog to achieve that? Self-effort!) I wonder how long I would still continue drawing for this blog, as I would want to invest a little more time in other illustrations, I pray for His grace and wisdom and strength for embarking on a little dream of mine in the coming month, hopefully it can be accomplished by then, grace grace, before I choose to go back to a routine life-style? Somehow for the past 1.5 months since I started my “no employment”, my daily life has been almost unpredictable, I never really know what I would be doing the following week, almost everything takes me by surprise, though I am glad for the adventure. The amazing truth is that my daily life and expenses have been well-taken care of by my Shepherd. He is ever so faithful. There are suggestions by close ones that perhaps I should consider taking up this life-style for a while, to me, this is like walking in total faith (or to be worldly rational: total uncertainty) and it seems really quite a huge test for me. Unless the Lord speaks to me very loudly, in lightning and thunder, I guess I would opt to be a simple employee.

As for the weightier issue for my pondering over this architectural career, it seems a slight little clearer now, but I would not write on this heavy topic till time permits.

Meanwhile, wish you all too have a restful and enjoyable week ahead! I believe I sure would, as that will be the Lord’s gift to me this week! Shalom!

Great Wall

A sketch of my visit to the Great Wall at Badaling! Awesome and unforgettable! This is an attempt of combining colour pencils with photoshop rendering. Really grateful to Papa God that I got to see another wonder this year, without me even asking! A contented beloved lamb indeed.

Journal in Beijing

16 May 2007
It’s been quite a fun trip, I went to the Temple of Heaven on Sunday, and what a tremendous experience I had, despite the fact that I missed a Sunday service, I felt almost that I had an encounter with the Lord, as He brought us through the tour, reminding us of the beautiful work that Jesus did as the sacrificial lamb that died on the cross for us. Everything there oozed forth with biblical truth, the 12 gates of heaven, the 3 tiers, 3 doors, about the Son of heaven, the without blemished calf that was used for sacrificing, the Emperor, the One that offered the sacrifice once a year to the God of Heaven, the God of harvest. The similarities between the Jewish and Chinese ancient sacrificial ceremony are almost endless, I was awed by the whole truth unfolded before my eyes, to the effect that I was literally feeling goose bump at the end of the journey through the temple.

I also went to the Forbidden City, though it was great fun, but nothing beats Temple of Heaven and the experience I had. We went to 798 art district yesterday, it is an old industrial warehouse area that was converted into a place for housing contemporary artists. The setting for the different art galleries was pretty awesome, except that many of the art works were quite disturbing, touching on extremely sensitive topics.

However, I would say the most fun part was the trip we had today, to the Commune by the Wall, Badaling and Olympic Village. It was an eye-opening trip to me, totally absorbed in the world of architecture, from ancient civilization to the most modern buildings ever to be built. Commune by the Wall is a hotel development, made up of 11 villas and a clubhouse, designed by 12 well-known Asian architects. Many of them were really inspiring, being sited in such a scenic environment, with the great wall as their backdrop. We climbed the great wall at Badaling, although we cheated, we took a cable car up to almost the midpoint and climbed up to the highest peak we could see and took the cable car down again. It was so awesome! The climb was very challenging, as the slope was so steep.

We ended the wonderful trip today with a visit to the still under construction Olympic Village, although the buildings are not all up, they are so beautiful to behold already, the bird nest, the bubble swimming complex, etc, are so beautiful, really making it all worthwhile to visit Beijing just to take a look at these buildings when they are completed. And to make it even more awesome, the Lord blessed us with a beautiful blue sky and nice temperature throughout the day, a fact that many of the residents of Beijing told us was quite rare, as the sky there is hardly blue most of the time.

Just as I am looking back, never did I expect 2 months ago when I decided to leave my job that I would actually be going on a tour and visit Beijing, a place that I have wanted very much to visit for quite some time and didn’t come to fruition. My Shepherd really knows that I needed a good break, the dream of my heart to visit Beijing and a need for an inspiring design spur again. Thank You Lord for the trip! Life is really exciting, walking a step at a time, though not knowing what the Lord has in store for me for the next step yet, I know He has my best interest at heart, and whatever that happens, He is in control and all is going to be alright and better. Lord, help my unbelief!

I will be back home to face reality again, decision, decision, decision. Need to move on and decide on the next step soon, or rather let the Lord decides the next step for me. Cheers, He is surely in control! Shalom!

17 May 2007
Finally it is time to go home, taking the early morning flight back to Singapore tomorrow. It was a fruitful trip, I saw the vibrant architectural scene in Beijing, visited several scenic places, and almost finished a book I wanted to read in my stay here, and hopefully I can finish it tonight.
I didn’t shop as much as I did as compared to all the holidays I made in the past, not that there were not many things to buy, on the contrary, things were quite attractive here. But perhaps the emphasis this time is really to work and to take a short break by sightseeing. I did enjoy my stay here, though a bit thriftier than I normally would. I hope my next holiday will be to a place where I can just stay by a still quiet lake for a few days, read a little, draw a little and study a little, I believe my Shepherd hears my prayer.

Going home is always the best thing ever, despite how much I enjoyed my holiday, after all, I am a very homely person and nothing beats home and my mom’s simple cooking. Guess I will continue my writing when I touched down in Singapore, either tomorrow if I am still “alert” after the pretty long flight, or Saturday then.

18 May 2007
Touched down today. Seems like back to reality, and next week will be decision week… Sigh, Papa God please advise! This trip seems extremely long, perhaps it was because it was a work trip more than holiday, though it was really quite fruitful to me, as I enjoyed the design process, and most of all, having only to do one thing at a time, plus great assistance given to me for all the logistics, which in the past, I would have to see to them personally myself.

Posted above is one of my comic competition entries…It is a re-rendering of an older comic I did about a year ago. I had not gotten time to draw any new comic yet, though they are already brewing in my head! Cheers!

Hi from Beijing 你好!

I have been in Beijing, coming close to a week. Life here is busy, but less stressful than the past, as I was only studying and designing one project at a time. It was quite a fruitful week, testing out new ideas, and seeing the ideas through the eyes of the individuals I am working with (but exerting my influence over their products subtlely), and thereby creating a new synergy of design. This method works quite well, I saw what I visualised internally through others. Yet the sad thing is although the concept was quite crystalised within 2 days while we were still in Singapore, the actual design process was only 2 working days in Beijing. God has been extremely faithful, the ideas came, the design broke forth, and the scheme was completed within 4 days here. The only sad part of it is that with such a short time, the idea was not given an opportunity to mature and harmonise, therefore the scheme does show forth a little non-uniformity... Given a little more time, some effort will be taken to unite the whole design scheme to one common identity with varied faces, utilising the concept to a further stage.

Therefore this marks the beginning of my tour of Beijing. For the past 4 days, I have been just going to office, back to the apartment, and been to the site once. Life has been pretty much a routine, deciding what breakfast to eat, what should we have for dinner, and what we need to complete each day, to ensure that there is no delay. Yet I am beginning to ponder, is this what I really want in life? Is achievement in my profession the utmost thing on my list? Selah. I doubt so.

Reading a little bit more at night, waiting for my hair to dry, causes me to think a little again. "My thoughts are not your thoughts..." What is my Shepherd's plan for me, His thought for me, I ponder. I am in a stage of my life thinking a lot, yet being physically occupied is actually good for me, especially when I am doing what I always think I like to do may help to make everything clearer.

I didn't have time to draw anything for the journal today, but I do have a very funny image, which I would illustrate when I am back home. Meanwhile, everyone at home, love and miss you all. I am well, going to go walk walk and shop already tomorrow, yeah, Beijing, here I come! See you all next week! And also, Happy Mother's Day to my lovely Mom, I miss you!

Out of Town

Monday will be the beginning of a busy week I supposed, as I would be in China to rush a project for the next 1 to 2 weeks. This is my first attempt to do something freelance, and strange as it sounds, there is little sense of responsibility unlike the past. Somehow, you know that after the project timeframe is over, you will be back in Singapore and someone will have to take over from where you left off. In the past, whenever I take on a new project, I would always be left wondering if I can handle the added responsibility, together with all the other ongoing projects that I am already doing. Therefore, during those times, I would often fall into a strange conflicting emotion, on one hand, I would be excited for new design work to take on, testing new ideas, yet on the other hand, I would be concerned as to the little time I can afford to do the new project and yet manage the existing ones. At least for now, this conflict does not exist.

However, do keep me in prayer, as I would definitely need God's grace abundantly for the next week, as I ponder on an appropriate, beautiful design scheme, given the short timeframe, I need almost another miracle plus creative inspiration almost immediately. Grace grace!

Guess I will be writing from China, and finally able to visit one of the wonders that I have been longing to go. Shalom. Zai4 Jian4! (Goodbye in Chinese)

P.s. The above is the comic series I submitted for the competition 2 months ago, and since I didn't win, I post it here for your viewing. A bit childish but was done very quickly, so don't expect too much hor!

Shalom . A Child Again!

This is the beginning of the 4th week since I stopped working in an office, or considered the 3rd week I started “resting”. In fact the pace of life was the best last week. If working is considered driving at 90-100km/h (at times even speeding), then last week would be at a very comfortable pace of 60-75km/h, a bit of design work, a bit of lazing around, a bit of sight-seeing. Cool, I would say I would love to be able to do things at this pace all the time. I am really thankful to Papa God as when I started thinking of the things I would want to do last week, a new non-stress task was dropped unto me, and I was really thankful and blessed to be able to play a part in it, so last week was really quite meaningful completing the task.

As for this week, lots of things in store for myself, reading, drawing a little I hope, listening to sermons, sight-seeing, slowing down the pace to perhaps 50km/h, before I pick up speed to 75-80km/h next week, if everything turns out well. Shalom and grace grace! In Christ alone, I place my trust.

For today, we had some simple, fun, self-upgrading lessons, a few of my friends came together to learn a new software and drawing, and posted herein are what they have done. Bravo, friends! Can we also post the sketches you all did? Which one do the readers prefer out of the 3 smaller ones?

Finally, the reason for the above illustration, I believe I must be visualizing myself as a child again when the above image dropped into me, and at the same time, I wanted to create the effect of evoking a sense of movement within a still image, therefore I did this sketch, as this will definitely evoke in all readers’ imaginations of the next action that will take place, the lamb being carried in the arms of the Shepherd, this is what I hope to achieve with this, evoking multiple images with one simple image. Hope it is successful. Cheers! I would not write too long this week, cos last week I wrote too much…. But I will definitely continue on the topic mentioned last week again soon…. Elaborating on the architectural expedition…. Blessed week ahead!

Life . Architectural Expedition . The Next Step?

This marked the first week of my “sabbatical rest”. Amazing! For those who have worked with me, or knew me well, would know that I am a “hurry-hurry” person (a better term is “fast and efficient”?) , one who would attempt to finish what needs to be done asap, a silent rule residing in me “if what needs to be done can be finished today, then finished it today.” This could be the self-imposed principle that added undue stress on me. One that my Shepherd would have to deliver me from.

The reason I brought this up was that, it is truly tough for me to re-learn a lot of things afresh this week. First thing to learn is to do things slowly. It is truly a labour for me to rest, for someone almost a “workaholic” like me. By Tuesday, I had finished my folio cum printing, in just less than 2 days, something that I thought would take me a week. On Wednesday, my friends and I went to Johor by public transport, the first time I had ever done this in my life. Thursday and Friday, I attended a seminar. Looking back, I have yet rested, though I did catch some quick afternoon naps. It is not easy to learn to rest…. Especially when your mind would unknowingly wander off to unwanted restricted territory called “worry”.

Yet there are so many things I want to do, learn and study and most of all, to rest. But the rational part of me would remind me “there are responsibilities, there are expectations to meet.” The worried voice would attempt to distract me from my aim, unfounded worries, which has no basis if one is to probe further.

There are some fundamental issues to solve meanwhile, before I see myself ended in the same situation in the new job. That is when I started asking fundamental questions “Do I really like architecture?”, “what do I really like about this career?”, “Do I still want to be an architect?” “How should I approach design from henceforth?” “What design do I really like to do?” “What kind of architect do I want to become? (or rather what kind of architect the Lord would want me to be?”) etc etc…. At times, there will be discomforting answers, at times, answers that you knew that they are actually all along hidden within your heart, but that you need to take time to remove the accumulated dust above. (But please, do not be introspective, a subtle difference, I realized.)

A point that I have been avoiding to write for sometimes since I made the decision, I had finally mustered sufficient courage to write. “Guilt and condemnation”. Ever since the decision was made, I had been asked by many, even my own self, “why quit?” There is no one reason to explain, perhaps an accumulative number of reasons or circumstances? Afterall, I was treated very well by my bosses and I had great colleagues. And I would be disappointing some of the people I respected greatly with my decision. Yet, there has been a constant unexplainable frustration that kept emerging, hot-temperedness that seemed to surface itself constantly and getting ever more frequent, and this is not normal, in fact, it is scary. To pin point the reason was not possible to me, though there was a tiny indication of the cause. To solve this is urgent, at least to me, there and then.

Life is meant to be an enjoyment, as created by my Lord. Ever since, having the haunting questions “what is the meaning of life? Why are we born into this world” answered, life to me has taken on another meaning. These questions haunted me since I was a child, I would constantly ask myself since a young child, why live? Are there greater beings in this universe other than us? How can we ever come into this universe simply out of nothing? And where do we go once we died? Into nothingness? Although I was very young then, perhaps less than 10 years of age, I was constantly haunted by these questions. No amount of religions could give me a reasonable answer to settle these haunting questions, until one day, Jesus found me, and since then I knew that I knew He is real, all doubts and questions were answered since. That unforgettable experience etched forever in my heart, when I was about 15 years old. That settled the episode of the haunting questions, and I was never really bothered about the meaning of life ever since. To me, Jesus has become the reason to live, and life is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest in Christ!

Yet, recently, as the enjoyment of my career seems to decrease, I was reminded again of the long forgotten episode of my childhood. I believe many people must have asked themselves these questions before at one point of their lives or another, but how many would have brushed them aside and move on. Reason why I was reminded again was I believe many people may have also experienced a point of great frustration in their career, however, perhaps they are in their comfort zone for sometimes therefore they disregarded it, or take it as normal to be frustrated, or perhaps, it was turned around finally. I would not say that I knew the solution to this now, but I choose escapism, looking away for a while.

To be honest, I don’t really like this transitional phase, I felt weak, indecisive, unsure. I am not one who can wait very long, yet it seems to be so now that the traffic light is still red, and I can’t wait to just speed off asap with the change to green light. I am anticipating… waiting for the change… waiting… waiting… waiting. Learning to wait…

This marks the beginning of the 2nd week of my break. So many things I have lined up for myself to do. Putting one important task that is meant to be completed this week till next, just felt within that it is still not time yet…. My rational mind kept saying, hurry hurry, get this done, but my heart would say wait…. Perhaps for one of the few times, I am going to let my heart decide rather than my mind… but I don’t think I have faith to sustain the postponement of this to another week if my heart still says so.

Today will also be my first day to re-learn a software that is critical for me to embark in a new job. I had known this software 4 years back, but trying to pick up from where I left off 4 years ago, was not really that easy, I almost want to “cry” while using it, how to measure, how to draw a box, how to pull out toolbars, etc etc…. sob!!!!!!!! Help! My fear 4 years back has now come back to haunt me, my fear that I would forget this software 4 years ago has returned! God help me to pick up this as much as I can within this week! Grace grace!

Guess enough has been written, this was written over the last 3 days….. I don’t like to end off with a sad tone so here explains a new illustration, surely He will shower His blessings of love all over my life! Fear not! Just abide in Him and enjoy Him now. Cheers, everyone! Shalom, shalom.

The Beginning of My Long Awaited Rest

It was an adrenaline high week, working till the wee hours into the night, perhaps later than what I would do when I was working officially in an office setup. However, this time, it was different, I was not paid for what I was doing, the funnier thing was I even had to start investing in a new printer, etc etc, to accomplish the work. Yet for a long time since perhaps mid of last year, I again enjoyed designing. This time, I design for an imaginary client, with my Shepherd as my Employer and my friends, as my co-partners. It was fun, cool in fact, that we all went through a lesson trusting in the Lord, entrusting the entire project into His hands, after all, many of us are not trained, and God's grace is truly amplified as a result, because when we are weak, then we are strong, and it is not by might, nor by power but by His Spirit, and we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!

In fact, it was almost immediately upon my leaving of my previous job that I hop on this train to take up this fun adventure with my friends, and I am really thankful to them for joining me in this expedition, almost with no hesitation from them, must be God! And most of all, the fun and fellowship we all derived from it as a result was rewarding. And for me, I was able again to indulge in designing, using my imagination to dream up and create spaces, for the enjoyment of mankind. It was truly fun indeed, how I missed designing of such kind, I am sort of reminded that this is what I like most about my occupation.

Now that we had finished the task, I am going to truly take a break, prepare my portfolio and start writing resumes. (Actually, my dream is I don't have to write a single resume and be employed.... who knows?) I think I would start doing this this comng week but ask for a deferment to start work in June? And at the same time, I hope to start drawing my comics and fulfilled a little dream, etc during this break. Meanwhile, do support me, I took part in a comic competition, and I sent 3 wall papers and 1 comic. Do go vote for me, k? My comic is very easily recognisable, it is the little lamb series and the style is similar to those I have been posting in this blog. The link as follows:

http://www.comiworld.com/idol/

(Just a point to note, they spell my name wrongly.... they added an extra "n" to my name.... somehow I can never understand why people tend to add a "n" or remove a "n" from my name, it happens to me all the time, even when I was working, my clients and consultants tend to spell my name wrongly even when my email address shows my name in full!!!!! sigh)

My 3 wall papers title are : Friends forever, I can fly, Carefree

My comic title is:Sheepish Dreamer

Do support me! Thanks a million! Would really appreciate that!

Recently, been thinking a lot, perhaps not writing as much, and most likely I would write on them in the next journal. Two questions:

What is life, and why are we in this world? (I knew the reason years ago the moment Jesus found me and with that I went ahead and enjoy living with little fears of the unknown, or question about the "other world"and I had sort of taken the answer for granted, until I began to realise that many people around me actually did not know the purpose of living, and that is why some are still haunted by this question, which is good.)

What kind of architect I would want to be? I can briefly write this now, in a summarised version, I want to be an architect that designs good, sensitive buildings, no longer just merely focusing on the visual, but more for the good of mankind.... very noble dream I suppose, but I really mean it.... hahahah, only by the grace of God can this be accomplished.

Guess I would write on the first question in the next journal.... if I am led to... cheers! Have a blessed fun filled week ahead, and a great time with the Shepherd! Finally my resting time has come! Yeah!

Easter

Concluded the last month of work just before Good Friday last week, and will rest for one or two months before I start all over again. (What a great day to conclude and start afresh actually, come to think of it, Good Friday!) It is actually not an easy task, to put away the past, and move on, just as I began to realise. There will still be occasions when I caught myself unaware looking at the past, or wondering what happened to a particular project, I am quite emotionally attached to my projects, something that I am learning to let go, Papa God, please teach me to hold everything with a loose hand. Guess this is the transitional period. However, I would say this is an appropriate move as I really badly needed a good rest, or perhaps the body seems to be requesting for a rest.

But it seems that I still have to put off my rest to yet another week, as a few of my good friends and myself have decided to come together to do something fun, trusting Papa God in this little adventure that we all have decided to undertake, He will have to be the Inspirer, Motivator, Masterplanner, Chief Architect, Ultimate Designer, while we listen and follow Him every step of the way, and may Him be glorified in our lives. Grace grace, favour favour, wisdom wisdom and a hearing heart!

Today is Easter, in fact I was not sure what to write or even draw, but I saw a short footage of the "Passion of the Christ" again today, and am reminded that all that I ever needed in life is actually already purchased for me on the cross, I almost lost sight of it for a moment, so glad to be reminded again! Thank you Daddy! Thank you my Shepherd, my Saviour Jesus for all that you have done. So the above is just a quick little sketch of the crown of thorns on His head, He carries all our fears, worries and give unto us His shalom peace, good health, joy, His all! Stay blessed, everyone!

Hand In Hand

I will not be writing much, just want to post the above illustration for today. Still sorting out my thoughts, however when everything has become clearer, I will then write. The human mind is indeed the battlefield, depending on what you fill it with....

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

“For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Cheers! Aza Aza! All will be well!

Alone . With Him

I attempted to walk from City Hall to Orchard twice in a row this week. It was a long walk, more than an hour I supposed, strolling into SMU, even ventured into the art museum today. So many things have happened this week, and before I knew, all have gone into the past, I have taken action, and concluded a chapter in my life. Who would have thought a year ago that I would actually do this? I needed so much to walk, as I left my office a few days ago, and even today after attending a dear friend's solemnisation, I really needed time to think, ponder and cool my head. Have I behaved too rashly? Was I too impulsive? Have I been crazy to make such a decision? (Thank God for a moment as I stepped into the museum, Chen Wen Hsi's works took my mind off my immediate problem and for a while, I relished in the paintings, enjoying the exhibition, especially those of his last days, abstract yet full of dynamics and movement.)

I have given up. I am stepping forward in faith again. For a while I was shocked, when reality dawn on me truly after I have acted, I thought about the fact that I have an aged mom to care for, a flat and monthly bills to pay...But the fact is I have given up, I decided to let go, no longer having any strength within to stand anymore, I decided to give up and give up trying, the hope that the situation will improve disappeared, the pressure that I was facing is beyond I can ever take anymore. For a few moments, I almost felt all alone, my heart was crying. Totally introspective, looking within myself made me miserable. I had been staying in my comfort zone for 4 years, perhaps so comfortable, I have gotten even so used to the pressure, and falling into the constant hot-tempered mode when things just didn't work the way I wanted them to work, and which are happening ever so often these days, almost everyday, that becoming frustrated was an everyday event.

Yet, to once again step forward into the unknown, sounds scary to me, until the Lord brings to my remembrance that He has never failed me in the past, neither will He do so now. I was unable to come to a rest, that was why I started walking. (Now I caught a glimpse of why Forrest Gump ran?) As I was still pondering on my problem, not sure what the future holds, as I close the door behind me to open up the one in front, I saw a couple of kids, lying on the floor, rolling inside a cardboard, having fun. I talked within myself, how carefree they are, how I wish I am a child again, only live for today. Suddenly I was reminded within, isn't I a child of God, and I will always be a child, and I am to come to my Papa God as a child. Why am I worrying about what happens a month from now? Why worry about the future for my Lord has gone into my future, and I am His beloved lamb, and He is my Shepherd, I shall never be in want. Surely He who feed the birds of the air will take care of me! Don't worry about it now, when the time comes, my Shepherd will surely see me through it all. And even if the decision I have made already may even be wrong or a mistake, my Shepherd is able to work all things around for my good. He can prosper even through my mistake.

And therefore, true, I am again stepping out in faith, something that I have not done for several years. Jesus, I enter into Your rest. Shalom.

New Hairstyle

I went to have a new hair cut last week. I have been wanting to have a shorter hair, guess I was tired of the old. Despite of my several attempts, my hairstylist did not seem keen to cut my hair too short, but with slight trims here and there on all my past visits. Not that I did not like the last style, it was so manageable, I don’t even need to comb my hair and it already looked combed, no fuss at all, just that I was tired, that’s all.

Not sure if you would feel the same way I do, I tend to have “butterflies in my stomach” whenever I go to the hair saloon, a bit like going to the dentist, but not as bad. The latter is that you are not sure what the dentist would suggest, the former is that you are never quite sure how you would look like after the experience. And therefore I always prefer to go the hair saloon during the weekend to allow myself some time to adjust to the “new look” before I see anyone familiar.

Yet this time, I have decided to go for a haircut, determined to cut my hair short, and on a Thursday night due to all the activities during the weekend, etc. But of course, this trip to the hair saloon must be preceded with a prayer to God, that He will guide the hands of the stylist and do the job correctly, my silent prayer always.

The above is just an illustration of what happened to my slightly longer than shoulder length hair, to now a length below the ear and above the shoulder. It was totally different from the last hairstyle, now with almost straight line trim, with layers hidden behind to thin the effect of too bouncy a hair. And on top of that, I got a new fringe, as a result of my asking the hairstylist, “Can I change my hair parting?” Guess most of you would know that it is actually good to change our parting once in a while to allow the hair in that area to grow properly. Since my parting has been with me for years, it is time to “part”. And due to the stubborn nature of the parting, he suggested I can try a fringe this time round, as this helps to change parting easier.

The funny episode of the whole event was, now I looked like I am in my secondary school hairstyle, minus the school uniform and the “natural” eye shadow… I am still in the process of getting used to it even after 4 days. Sigh. But I must believe that my Papa God has already guided the hairstylist’s hands. To think that I have paid for a hairstyle that I got more than 10 years ago, at perhaps triple or more so the price in the past? Hmmm, selah, a point to ponder on.

The only good thing is that people said I look younger, whatever that means… The next time I go to the saloon perhaps in 3 months down the road, I would definitely ask him to give me the fuzzy layered finish again, no more the one straight edge type…. Meanwhile I am learning to like the hairstyle… grace grace… (p.s. apparently this is supposed to be the “in” style now, straight trim, guess it is back to retro again!)

He Goes Before Us

I was not planning to post anything this week as there was no new inspiration for any illustration. To be honest, I am not exactly in great mood, perhaps the slight dissatisfaction at work, the seemingly "looming" situation at home, and ..., sigh... wish to have a pair of wings to just fly away at times like this... (Don't worry, I am fine, just not "over the moon" only).

Yet amid all the minute storms in life, and my fruitless attempt of trying very hard to put out the small fires here and there, I took my eyes off the One who cares for me most, My Shepherd, Jesus. Today, I heard a wonderful sermon, a topic that has never failed to touch me, the sermon of the Shepherd and His sheep. The call of a sheep, or rather the sheep's role in life is simply to follow the Shepherd, as simple as that.

Therefore, this explains the above illustration, one that captured my imagination today after hearing the sermon. I remembered years ago, I had a good friend in Secondary School, one of the few who attempted to introduce Jesus to me, she copied the entire story of "The Footprints In The Sand" in my autograph book, a story that never fails to touch me till today. It is about a man who had a dream, and in that dream there were always 2 pairs of footprints in the sand, however he noticed that when it came to crisis in his life, there is always only one pair of footprints. (The footprints in the sand illustrate his journey in life, one pair belonged to him and the other belonged to the Lord.) So he asked the Lord why was that so, did the Lord left him alone during his times of trouble? The Lord must have answered Him ever so tenderly and gently, with love in His eyes at that moment, saying that during those times of trouble, the Lord Himself was carrying him over, that explains the single pair of footprints.

I have also heard another story, about some primitive people who when attacking their enemies, they would walk in a single line, and stepped only on the footprints of the person who walked before them, this is to prevent the enemies from knowing the number of people they have, therefore leaving only one pair of footprints on the ground.

I am not attempting to illustrate the 2 stories above. The illustration is just a piece of my imagination earlier on as I was pondering on the sermon. Our role as sheep is to follow the Shepherd, as He will surely lead us through, and He will never leave us nor forsake us. Therefore in the above illustration, you see a pair of footprints in the sand, the sheep follows the way as the footprints of its Shepherd would lead, for the Shepherd goes before it. Hope you like the illustration.

Apple of His Eye

It's been 2 weeks since I last wrote. A bit exhausted mentally and physically, having very little zeal to write or even draw, though the idea for the above image was already conceptualised a week ago. I could not muster enough courage to draw the eye, as any discerning person who has read and viewed my illustrations in my blog would know, I tend to avoid drawing the front view of my Shepherd. To me, no matter how good an artist I am or I could be, I can never draw Him accurately, even several times when I attempt to draw Him from behind, I felt the proportion wrong or inadequate. He is so marvellous and perfect that I don't see myself capable of drawing Him to His full extent of beauty or ever will, until perhaps when I see Him face to face...

This would be my first attempt to draw a portion of His face (although I have attempted to draw His hand before), even that, I was aware of the inadequacy of my illustration. My desire to draw a compassionate, merciful, loving and yet powerful eye is beyond me, and no amount of my vain human imitating could possibly illustrate this image to the way I desire, therefore I trim the eye to a very limited portion, just to bring forth the concept "apple of His eye".

Meanwhile, I am glad that it is a 4-day break starting from today, as it is Chinese New Year again. No great plan for this season, and since I hardly do visiting these days, I shall take this opportunity to rest a little, really need that. Come to think of it, one either read that I am so busy, so tired, need a break etc in my blog, that is really nothing else left..... guess this career in architecture is really drawing too much out of me, though I know that I should "let go and let God", "quit trying so hard and just believe", "enter into His rest", etc, it is simply that perhaps I have yet come to the end of trusting myself.... It is not easy though it is simple. For the past week, I have dreamt on several nights in a row, of changing the layout plans of my residential projects, meeting the clients, going to site, etc.... scary... people have nightmare, I have "workmare". I have enough of residential projects, despite of how many times I mentioned this to my boss, it simply does not seem to register in his mind that I have enough .... I think ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I don't want to take any more lip service.... One thing becomes clear to me all of a sudden today, it is vain to put my trust in man, only Jesus can we trust!

Sigh, enough of complaints. My blog has become my avenue of voicing my complaints. Forgive me, my desire for this blog has always been to illustrate His wonderful love for us and not for complaints. I believe after this 4-day break I shall be better. I know the breakthrough is ahead, Lord, give me the courage! I wish you all a blessed Chinese New Year! Only in Him can we trust! No worry, pals, I am fine.... just a bit cranky today.