Saturday, March 24, 2007

Hand In Hand

I will not be writing much, just want to post the above illustration for today. Still sorting out my thoughts, however when everything has become clearer, I will then write. The human mind is indeed the battlefield, depending on what you fill it with....

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

“For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Cheers! Aza Aza! All will be well!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Alone . With Him

I attempted to walk from City Hall to Orchard twice in a row this week. It was a long walk, more than an hour I supposed, strolling into SMU, even ventured into the art museum today. So many things have happened this week, and before I knew, all have gone into the past, I have taken action, and concluded a chapter in my life. Who would have thought a year ago that I would actually do this? I needed so much to walk, as I left my office a few days ago, and even today after attending a dear friend's solemnisation, I really needed time to think, ponder and cool my head. Have I behaved too rashly? Was I too impulsive? Have I been crazy to make such a decision? (Thank God for a moment as I stepped into the museum, Chen Wen Hsi's works took my mind off my immediate problem and for a while, I relished in the paintings, enjoying the exhibition, especially those of his last days, abstract yet full of dynamics and movement.)

I have given up. I am stepping forward in faith again. For a while I was shocked, when reality dawn on me truly after I have acted, I thought about the fact that I have an aged mom to care for, a flat and monthly bills to pay...But the fact is I have given up, I decided to let go, no longer having any strength within to stand anymore, I decided to give up and give up trying, the hope that the situation will improve disappeared, the pressure that I was facing is beyond I can ever take anymore. For a few moments, I almost felt all alone, my heart was crying. Totally introspective, looking within myself made me miserable. I had been staying in my comfort zone for 4 years, perhaps so comfortable, I have gotten even so used to the pressure, and falling into the constant hot-tempered mode when things just didn't work the way I wanted them to work, and which are happening ever so often these days, almost everyday, that becoming frustrated was an everyday event.

Yet, to once again step forward into the unknown, sounds scary to me, until the Lord brings to my remembrance that He has never failed me in the past, neither will He do so now. I was unable to come to a rest, that was why I started walking. (Now I caught a glimpse of why Forrest Gump ran?) As I was still pondering on my problem, not sure what the future holds, as I close the door behind me to open up the one in front, I saw a couple of kids, lying on the floor, rolling inside a cardboard, having fun. I talked within myself, how carefree they are, how I wish I am a child again, only live for today. Suddenly I was reminded within, isn't I a child of God, and I will always be a child, and I am to come to my Papa God as a child. Why am I worrying about what happens a month from now? Why worry about the future for my Lord has gone into my future, and I am His beloved lamb, and He is my Shepherd, I shall never be in want. Surely He who feed the birds of the air will take care of me! Don't worry about it now, when the time comes, my Shepherd will surely see me through it all. And even if the decision I have made already may even be wrong or a mistake, my Shepherd is able to work all things around for my good. He can prosper even through my mistake.

And therefore, true, I am again stepping out in faith, something that I have not done for several years. Jesus, I enter into Your rest. Shalom.

Monday, March 05, 2007

New Hairstyle

I went to have a new hair cut last week. I have been wanting to have a shorter hair, guess I was tired of the old. Despite of my several attempts, my hairstylist did not seem keen to cut my hair too short, but with slight trims here and there on all my past visits. Not that I did not like the last style, it was so manageable, I don’t even need to comb my hair and it already looked combed, no fuss at all, just that I was tired, that’s all.

Not sure if you would feel the same way I do, I tend to have “butterflies in my stomach” whenever I go to the hair saloon, a bit like going to the dentist, but not as bad. The latter is that you are not sure what the dentist would suggest, the former is that you are never quite sure how you would look like after the experience. And therefore I always prefer to go the hair saloon during the weekend to allow myself some time to adjust to the “new look” before I see anyone familiar.

Yet this time, I have decided to go for a haircut, determined to cut my hair short, and on a Thursday night due to all the activities during the weekend, etc. But of course, this trip to the hair saloon must be preceded with a prayer to God, that He will guide the hands of the stylist and do the job correctly, my silent prayer always.

The above is just an illustration of what happened to my slightly longer than shoulder length hair, to now a length below the ear and above the shoulder. It was totally different from the last hairstyle, now with almost straight line trim, with layers hidden behind to thin the effect of too bouncy a hair. And on top of that, I got a new fringe, as a result of my asking the hairstylist, “Can I change my hair parting?” Guess most of you would know that it is actually good to change our parting once in a while to allow the hair in that area to grow properly. Since my parting has been with me for years, it is time to “part”. And due to the stubborn nature of the parting, he suggested I can try a fringe this time round, as this helps to change parting easier.

The funny episode of the whole event was, now I looked like I am in my secondary school hairstyle, minus the school uniform and the “natural” eye shadow… I am still in the process of getting used to it even after 4 days. Sigh. But I must believe that my Papa God has already guided the hairstylist’s hands. To think that I have paid for a hairstyle that I got more than 10 years ago, at perhaps triple or more so the price in the past? Hmmm, selah, a point to ponder on.

The only good thing is that people said I look younger, whatever that means… The next time I go to the saloon perhaps in 3 months down the road, I would definitely ask him to give me the fuzzy layered finish again, no more the one straight edge type…. Meanwhile I am learning to like the hairstyle… grace grace… (p.s. apparently this is supposed to be the “in” style now, straight trim, guess it is back to retro again!)