Sunday, August 27, 2006


Memory seem to play a very important role in our lives. Watching so many drama series, especially the Korean dramas, with storylines that revolve about people suffering from amnesia, this topic is worthy of our discussion, though it is not my intention to discuss it in depth here. Our memories can be evoked by certain familiar items or incidents. Today, almost as a routine, I had my favourite Ah Kun’s toast and half-boiled egg with Milo. Just as I was enjoying the egg, I suddenly recalled that my mom used to prepare half-boiled egg for my breakfast when I was in primary school, and how strange this would sound, I actually found it yucky then.

Also many of my illustrations were done with imprinted images that may have taken place in my life before, and stored as memories in my mind. The above image was also conceptualized from some remnant memories of the past. I used to enjoy standing on my mom’s or dad’s feet when I was little, and let the movement of their feet carried me around, and it was really fun. Not just that, even when my feet were weak, my parents would still hold my arms tightly, and there was no way that I would ever fall. Now that as I recalled, perhaps in life, we should just live our lives like that, take it easy, stand on our Shepherd’s feet, and let His feet carries us around. And don’t be afraid, His mighty arms are always there to carry us even when we seem like falling.

Time to learn to take things easy. No more struggling or striving on my own to make things happen! True, that is just the attitude we should have. Take it easy for this week! Who cares? He cares!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Work out

It's been more than a week, my situation has not really improved, I am still as busy it seems, though Papa God seems to have somehow solved the problems differently for me. The problems did not seem to me that big after all, and perhaps I have come to reconcile the fact that He will not let me be in the situation where it is beyond me, that I am unable to handle (of course, with His help).

That feeling of feeling like an hypocrite during the last week, when my behaviour did not line up at all with the fact that I am His beloved child, saddened me. Yet this experience gives me a wonderful opportunity to share with my friends, and I realised that in fact I am not alone, who says being His beloved child, means we are totally free from uprising of anger, frustration, etc. I felt I was freed after a time of sharing with them, in fact, my position to encourage them has ended up the other way round, thank God for giving me the opportunity to serve, and thank God for my dear ones who uphold me in prayers always. Though I still felt heavy laden at times, I know His grace is more than sufficient for me. He will see me through with rest.

I have been wanting to exercise for a while, in fact the above illustration was done 2 weeks ago, by my own self-effort I made the resolution to exercise and reduce a bit of my weight. Yet shortly after deciding, I broke my resolution almost instantly, finding every excuse to not to work away the extra fat. Yet today, I finally posted it, because without any effort on my own, I actually had some work out after I came back from service, it is a miracle! Therefore it explains the above posting. Meanwhile, nothing much to say, just to wish you all a blessed week ahead! If you are going through a difficult time, take courage, for our Papa God surely has made a way out for you, He will never let you be in a situation tempted beyond you are able! He surely has an escape plan planned! He is more than enough! Cheers!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Too Heavy . Little Lamb Pte Ltd

Since end of last week, there seems to be a dark cloud looming over my head, and a heavy heart I carried throughout the week, creating traumatic waves to my assistants, I am sorry, I apologized. The sudden activation of 2 projects, the daunting impossible “datelines” that my boss promised the clients and a seemingly lost of a beloved job, all these overwhelming workload and disappointment trouble me, looking at myself, my limited resources, I am hurting, unable to produce, unable to do anything, as my mind is troubled. I hated all the administrative work I am doing, I just wanted to design. I was caught in a web of jealousy, over my capable assistant, the opportunity of him to just concentrate on design. Despite his offer to help me, I know it is not appropriate to pass on the administrative work to him, because I would still have to check and perhaps “redo”, knowing precisely his capability is in design, not in administration. And if I pass on my design workload to him, what is left of me? Just a shell… doing hateful stuff, writing letters, checking and meeting “datelines”, meeting clients, writing report, but no design. I am frustrated, annoyed, at being forced to do things I hated. For a few days, I felt I have fallen into a deep pit. Even when it is finally time to do design, it is already past office hours, crossing over the public holiday. And my troubled mind and a heavy heart simply cannot work anymore.

I prayed for a miracle, out of my own effort, I wrote a long email to my boss. I hated the feeling of my feeling being manipulated by my circumstances. I thought I have already been free of external elements, suddenly I realize I am just as vulnerable as before, only my Lord Jesus can help me. Listening to my pastor’s recent sermon about the feeding of the 5000, I identified with Jesus’ disciples, Philip and Andrew, one looks at his own limited resources, while the other looks to the tremendous need around. I am caught. I am Littlelamb Private Limited. Yet I took courage, that Jesus did not look at their unbelief, He still worked out a miracle. I realize miracle does not depend on my faith, but on Him, and Him alone. Lord Jesus, I look to You, and You will not put me to shame. I am tired. I hated this cycle of having to do things I hated. Thoughts of running away emerges again and again and again…

Yet, this episode brings me to one thing, I realize I am simply nothing without Him. My tireless trying suddenly made me realize that I have unknowing fallen into the trap of self-effort, trying to please man, the hateful rat race that I always hated. I don’t want to be the No. 1 Rat. I have decided, who cares, so what if I cannot meet the “datelines”? Yet the so called “responsibility” ME keeps haunting me down… However, I have decided “who cares”!

The above illustration came to me at the moment I woke up this morning, after I read my assistant’s blog, it troubled me last night. I realized I am quite influential, even when I kept totally silent, I am still capable of moving external mountains with my inward troubled feeling. I am sorry, I am really overwhelmed with the administrative workload.

In fact, the above illustration is supposed to be 2 comic strips, the first strip, with the 1st frame showing a lamb with a heavy load, then in the 2nd frame the elephant came to help. After the writing is done, the 2nd strip will appear, with the 1st frame showing a lamb with a heavy load, and in the 2nd frame showing the Shepherd removing the load off the lamb’s back. Which means in actual fact, the Shepherd sent a help through the elephant to help the lamb. Anyway, due to my laziness, I combined the 2 strips into 1, therefore the above.

Finally, I know my breakthrough is coming. And I know all along, good design only comes to me when I am in a peaceful state, hearing from Him. Lord, remove all the cluttered thoughts from my mind, move me into the state of peace. And only You alone, when I am weak, You are strong, I am nothing without You. Move me on…. Thanks Lord, I know You have already done so.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

What an experience!

Went to watch the Superband Final a few days ago, and the experience was really quite extraordinary. Gotten tickets through one of the finalists’ fan clubs, and we ended up standing at the very front row just behind the yellow barricade, almost exactly what I feared, fearing of being captured on TV. Then I remembered I was joking with my colleague earlier on that we should make some banners to hide our faces just in case. The funniest thing was that the fan club actually made several banners and boards, and distributed to the people standing in front, therefore I was given one, and I actually use that to cover my face, whenever I see a possible camera coming around… what a joke! Though that episode of my life was funny, it was fun indeed. Watching the show at such a close distance, you really caught hold of the atmosphere, the thrill at that very instant was unspeakable.

Looking at all the “glamour” that man was trying to create on the stage, brought my imagination to the time that one day we will be standing before our beloved Shepherd, perhaps in a similar setting, yet the crowd will be many many times more, and there will not be any need of props or lighting, as He would be so beautiful, that there is no need for any backdrop to enhance His beauty, for His presence is beauty itself. That fleeting image caught my imagination for a short moment.

Watching all the finalists at such close distance, in fact they all look so much more talented in real life than just on screen, somehow, some things just got lost through the one eye monster. Thank God for the experience, not just blessing me with the opportunity to go, His blessing is way beyond what I could even imagine, I got to stand front row! Thank You Lord, that You made me special.

Been listening to the latest David Tao’s album, and I have several thoughts, about life, about the album, about many things. Hope I can pen all these down simply. The first time I listened to it, I was a bit surprised, because it is not a “loud” album, very simple, down to earth, with a very very simple theme, but in fact it is the hardest theme in life, “love”. In fact, it seems to be about love of a different type, not the boy-girl type of love, but one of a different level. The second time I listen to it was on the train, when I was heading to the final. The 3rd time I listened to it was when I was heading to church on Sunday. It was then I had a clearer mind while listening, perhaps it was because it was morning, or perhaps it was after I had my beloved Ah Kun bread toast with my favourite drink, milo, just a sidetrack, it was heavenly!

I was standing in the train, listening to the song “Too Beautiful” and the scene before my eyes was the beautiful reservoir near my place, in its stillness. Although the lyrics using a female character for “you” in Chinese, the song, indeed, just like what my friend said, sound so gospel like. The song oozes a sense of great happiness and contentment from within, a sense of being overcome by a great compelling love. Music can connect people, you can almost feel the feeling of the composer, strange as it may sound, yet that was exactly how I felt.

At that very instant, several people flashed through my mind. I saw people around me using their God given gifts for His work in different forms, the composer uses his music to reach out to people, as a channel for God’s love to flow through. I saw my friends, using their time, their talent, to mould little lives. I saw my artists couple friends, using their art talents to produce art that portray the Lord’s love and work, spreading the gospel in a silent visual form. I saw my niece and her friends using their compassion in their jobs to help rebuild broken lives. I saw a little of myself using God’s given gift to serve Him. It is really fun to serve God, the one who love us unconditionally. Work is fun, especially when the work you are doing is as unto Him, nothing matters anymore, all that you are doing, are just for Him. Someone who is enjoying what he or she is doing, is the most charming and beautiful. I caught a glimpse of that at the final. I feel a sense of that in the songs. I saw glimpses of that in my friends. I guess we human feel times of frustration when we could not fulfill our God given potential. And yes, these are just some of my thoughts. I really think too much… Paiseh, for boring you, if I did. Remember, you have a God-given talent within!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

So In Love

Wanted to write on this, though it sounds really mushy, but then it is as it is. Reading and now responding to my friend Dialogismos’ blog on the “singles”, perhaps, one of those friends she was thinking of would be me, I suppose. (Come to think of it, I have a close group of friends, strong, independent, many are good-looking singles, yet ever so wonderful to spend time with.)

Crazy as it may sound, I am deeply in love, with my Shepherd, not sure why, but as the days go by, through all these past 13 years, that feeling of being loved by Him has not lessened. And the more I see the weaknesses in me, even the unlovable me, and the more I see Him, the more I realized how unconditionally I am loved, crazy it seems, I also am not sure why. I never felt really lonely, and yes indeed and only when close ones, colleagues, even superiors, who would say things as “she is single” etc, then I realize “O yah.” Yet many times I feel I am more loved than anyone else, with a sense of great gratitude within me, thank You my Shepherd. His love for me has never failed to amaze me even till now, and I believe, till eternity.

So many wonderful little things happened in the past week. One thing that amazes myself was that my design was criticized by a client with great cynical comments, I was caught with great wonders that I manage to stay cool headed, using that incident as a joke later on. Perhaps in the past I would even stand up, slam the desk, give him a nasty look, walk out, and the next day, just handed in a letter to my boss (so drama, watched too many TV dramas). This has to be Him in control, phew! Thank God that He taught me to work as unto Him and not unto man, and in all my undertaking, I know I have put my heart into it, therefore I am not ashamed.

However, just a few days ago, I actually lost my cool over a small incident, over that assistant that I have, for taking too long a time smoking, while I needed an urgent document he had when he was out smoking. Sigh, that was when I tried with all my best not to be angry with him, and yet all the more I am with him. My trial will soon be over, he is leaving at the end of this month finally! O God, please speed up the process! I really cannot stand him, only You can help me!!!!! Help!

Yet 2 really small incidents happen that add spices to the week, giving me such great unspeakable joy, that I must pen it down. A dear friend of mine, knowing that I am a great fan of David Tao, sent me a sms, informing me that she saw his latest MTV, about a song that is so gospel like in its lyrics. Due to the nature of her work, which I am not at liberty to explain more, she even sent me the full day time schedule for the broadcast of the MTV for me to catch on TV. I was deeply moved, not so much by the song, but more by her act, His love for me through a friend, thanks dear, you are a gift from Him!

Another crazy, almost unlikely thing happened. Remember I wrote I hope to get a ticket to watch the Superband final? I did several checks online to ways of getting the ticket, and almost announcing it to the whole world (I mean to all my friends), I want to get the ticket. (This is my way of giving Papa God no way to fail me! Ha ha!) Just as I was giving up, my lovely assistant told me she got me a ticket to watch it. I was awed, almost unbelievable, a miracle has happened, and I am reminded again in that instant, my Shepherd sees to all my little wants in life. Thanks, lovely assistant, and most of all, my Shepherd.

I know I am deeply loved by Him, all these little incidents are physical manifestations of His love, I would not say I need them, but having them is really great! I am truly very blessed, a wonderful family that is always there for me, dear friends that know me, accept and love me just the way I am, these are just some of His everyday manifestations of His love for me.