Saturday, January 28, 2006
Most of the time, I am not so much bothered by what others think of me than what I think of myself. I am not perfect, never was, and never will be so long as I am still alive on this planet earth, and I am glad close friends accept me just the way I am, being ever so accommodating and forgiving, and most important of all, the Lord He accepts me the way I am. Yet, recently, time and again, I was very disturbed by one particular remark made, that I am very “efficient”, expressed to me in different manners. This word “efficient” was never my aim, and I for a moment was wondering if this “efficient” as what people said about my manner of working becomes a stumbling block to my working with others, if my one minded work attitude is a problem, then my Lord, please change me, make me not so.
Yet the image of the eagle was brought to my mind several times in a row this week, all thank to the Lord, who always comfort us, and leads us into triumph. my dearest Shepherd reminded me, He was the one who has lengthened my day, stretch the day for me, which is my prayer, and I almost forgot. He is the one that is ever so faithful, perhaps if one thing that I did right, or there is any need for any doing in the grace of God, is that I always give Him the first moment of my time everyday, and He multiplies the rest of the day for me, that allows more things to be done in a shorter time, and yet to have leftover time for bible study in the evening and with my family, this is my prayer and one main aim in life almost every single day. It is never me that is fast, and it is not a curse for being efficient, but a blessing from Him, He reminded me. I shall stop condemning myself, and appreciate myself for the way He has made me.
Therefore, yes, I know I shall mount up with wings like eagles, I shall run and not be weary, I shall walk and not faint, because I shall be carried by the air current that He provides to soar. And yes, I am sure, at least within myself, I never attempted to be efficient, just a simple prayer everyday I have, Lord, be my wisdom, and cause all that I do to prosper and more time with You, Lord and my family and friends. Just very simple agenda in life everyday. And yes, I shall be changed, shall be transformed, not by my self-effort anyway, as it will never be successful, but by beholding Him, and He alone can do it! And you too! You are an eagle as well, just believe!
And have a blessed Chinese New Year with your loved ones!
(And yes, I brought work home to do, I didn't want to spend next week doing lots of overtime, and I am determined to get all done before Chinese New Year, in other word, to finish it today. And my Shepherd is ever so faithful, I have almost finished visualising one out of 2 projects in my mind last night, for unless the Lord builds the house, I labour in vain, He stays faithful even when I am faithless! Lord, one more to go!)
Friday, January 27, 2006
But I am truly thankful to Papa God, I was given a forced break today, as I promised my colleagues from oversea, to bring them around Chinatown, and I am usually a woman of my word. If not for this, I would have most likely stayed overtime in office, during this wonderful festive season, "slogging" to find a design. Not that it is difficult to produce something, but it is difficult to do the same thing and yet produce something different all the time, a slight breakthrough, for every design, that lies the difficulty. There are times I really felt so tempted to just modify a previous design slightly and reuse it. I am tired.
There are several times I felt like I am a design machine. All one has to do is to type in one's request and then press "print" and here it goes, the design is ready. Perhaps that is how I felt I was being treated, as if there will not be any "running out of paper", or "no ink" message printed on the screen all the time. I felt especially so recently, (and it is taking longer to print these days) and I am really tempted to send out the signal "please replace ink". I think I am really tired.
I think this machine need some oiling to do. This machine needs to go for upgrading soon, for it has almost reached its limit. And I strongly think this machine is ready to let go, cos it really knows what matters, it has to be used based on the manufacturer's handbook. Once abuse, or overuse, it wears out very quickly. The machine does not dislike what it does or its function, just that it felt it is time to go back to the manufacturer's factory for some servicing and changing of parts. And I think the Creator wants it back, as He want it to take a break, to allow Him to restore it to its original state or even better, as good as new. And yet this time, the Creator would also like it to spend a little time with Him, to teach it it's actual method of working, based on His manual, no overwork. I am tired.
Thank Papa God for this wonderful festive season, the 2 extra days of break really would make a great difference to the machine, a time to rest, (though never seem enough), to catch up with other machines of other functions, and most of all with its family. Yet, deep within its heart, it has a fear, it is afraid it has to work over the long break, in the midst of the wonderful season when everyone is resting, it has to bring stuff home to do. I am tired.
Perhaps, it should consider changing its function totally, from a design machine to.... I am not totally sure yet, perhaps it is also time for it to ask its Creator. So far I think it still likes what it does, but just a little tired, just a little lack of creativity, and most important of all, just a need to rest upon the Creator for its total strength and renewal, stop abusing itself from overwork. And I think I also heard the Creator calling it to come and enjoy Him, let it be, cos the world will still continue spinning even if it can't produce for this while, let it be.
And I think it is really time for the machine to take a break, a break..., let it be.
Thank you Lord Jesus for ever being so understanding. Let it be. For He is all that matters.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Recently, I heard a beautiful old hymn "As the deer", and a mental picture was formed. Wanted to pen down what I saw in my mind, so here it is, but somehow, it seems like what is in my imagination is always many times nicer than what I drew. I didn't have a topic in mind today so that explains a "titleless" journal, just a sense of quietness, tranquility, and may you share the same stillness as I have now. May this picture also be to you a joy and reminder that our Lord will surely quench your thirst for Him.
And yes, I had a great weekend of rest this week, as compared to the last. I had a off day on Friday, sort of a "compensation" from last week of sleepless Friday, and had some really cool quality time with my mom, at People's Park and Chinatown, trying to teach her how to get there by train. I believe I must still give her a few more training sessions before she can venture there alone on her own. Yet, for sure the Lord is with her. Anyway, I have a really good break this weekend! And I am looking forward to the long weekend this coming week, because of Chinese New Year. May you also have a great time of catching up with family and most of all, a great time of refreshing and rest!
little lamb art
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Have you ever felt this way before, that you are so close and yet so far? I met 2 such events this week, but I will elaborate on one only, the other is strictly confidential. I can't say I am a shopaholic, but I do enjoy shopping, especially for shoes and bags, though I hardly ever spend more than a hundred dollar on either, in fact most hardly cost more than fifty dollars each (so that I can buy more!).
Since last year, while shopping for Christmas presents, I spotted a rather beautiful and useful bag, that I thought it would be nice to have, though it was never a need, just a want (I never lack bags, I have quite a number). Yet as the price of it exceeded what I would normally spend on a bag, I put it aside. However, somehow, the bag just grew on me, and suddenly it turned into something to desire. Finally, to get it over and done with, I decided to get it despite of the cost after Christmas, however, it was all sold out, at all branches that I happened to pass by. In fact, it was no longer just an issue of passing by, but a deliberate detour to several of its branches. Therefore, sort of out of compensation for my loss, I scouted around for another bag not that I desperately needed one but to reduce the disappointment slightly (in fact I ended up with 2 bags in the process).
Yet, just 2 days ago, on my way walking to work from the mrt station to my office, i spotted the desired bag again, back on the shelf! For that split moment, I wished the shop was opened, and for once, regardless of the price, I was determined to get it. But since it was only 9am, I decided I would come back to get it during lunchtime. With great anticipation and happiness, knowing finally that after a month of "pining" for that bag, I was finally able to put my hand unto it. With a speedy lunch, I walked at a quicken pace towards the shop, heading straight to the shelf, however, from a distance, it seemed missing, for a moment, I thought my eyes might have played a trick on me.
But it was truly GONE! I couldn't believe my eyes! It was there a few hours ago, I was sure! I went straight to the sales assistant, sort of "demanding" the bag, for my eyes could not have tricked me in seeing the bag earlier of! And to my utter "disappointment", I was a few hours late (maybe 2 hours only), that was the last piece that they managed to find from their warehouse, and it was bought by a lady who was also looking for it! Utter "disappointment"! It was so close to be mine! So close... Have you ever felt that way before? As in you have worked so hard for something, and suddenly all the due rewards went to someone else? I felt a little like that for that split second.
Yet, all thanked to Papa God, I picked myself up (or rather He picked me up), and was reminded that "all things will work together for good", and yes indeed, though I may not understand why this little episode would happen, but I know Papa God must have something better, or a better deal for me! Many a times, man's disappointment may turn out to be God's appointment for He has something better in store for us! So, don't feel defeated or sad if you face any disappointment this week, because one thing I am sure, He will never let us be put to shame, for those who put their trust in Him. Therefore, I shall await patiently for my dream bag...
(Side track, He may just drop it by my bedside while I sleep tonight.)
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Recently, I am intrigued by how frequently I tried to remind little kids to call me "jie jie" rather than "auntie". I could still remember, it felt like it was just yesterday, when I was still so young, not just the fact that I am the youngest among all my siblings, adults would call me "xiao mei mei" or "little girl". I would then address them as "uncle" or "auntie". That was like more than 20 years ago.
As I move on in life into my teen, I began to notice that people would address me as "xiao jie" or "young lady", perhaps that is the best address ever, of course, most people I meet these days would still address me as "xiao jie". And I have also learnt especially for women, regardless of their ages or marital status, address them all as "xiao jie" would likely put a smile on their faces. So why not? Just to make someone's day brighter! Please bear this in mind.
During the "xiao jie" period, it is also likely that one may be addressed as "jie jie" or "big sister", by kids or anyone younger than you. But of course, there may be also an occasional "failure", when one is addressed as "auntie" despite the fact that she is only in her teens or twenties.
Yet for me, to be addressed as "auntie" is not that new anyway, since I was already an aunt when I was just only seven years old. Yet as time passes by, and more cakes are cut on birthdays, the thought of being addressed as auntie sounds a bit scary, especially with the hidden connotation associated with it, you know what I mean? It is especially so, when kids no longer address you as "jie jie" but "auntie", for kids do not know how to lie professionally like adults, and if any kids actually address you as "jie jie", out of the norm, it is either you really look that young, or the kids have been "well-educated" by their parents. And not to mention the fact that I am actually entering into the stage when more and more kids are addressing me as "auntie". O Papa God, help! Renew my youth like the eagle!
Anyway, just a short side track, have you ever noticed that we always call any male taxi driver "uncle" regardless of his age? There was once I was on the cab with my mom, and she actually called a much younger driver "uncle", when she herself is already in her sixties! Anyway, this is just a side track, cos it really sounds pretty amusing to me!
And yes, to all of you, "xian sheng" (young man) and "xiao jie" (young lady), may your coming week be filled with wonderful incidents that make you smile a lot, cos smile does make one look younger, though the lines on the face may also be "aggravated" at the same time. Meanwhile, have a great week ahead!
(P.S. The above was written and saved as draft several days ago as there was no illustration to go with it until today. If you have dropped by and saw no new posting from me, I was so busy that I never knew what daytime was like, I spent the night at office yesterday, and it felt as if I was there for months, working, eating, taking short "energy catching" nap all in front of my computer screen for a few days. Came back from office only this afternoon, and I actually fell asleep reading newspaper in front of a hilarious comedy, truly I was tired. Thank God for His rest and blessed sleep. And thanks for dropping by even when I missed to post.)
Saturday, January 07, 2006
I have travelled countless times on taxi, mainly due to work and overtime. In the process, I have also made many small talks with the taxi drivers, having great wonderful chats and "gossips", and even arguments. There was even one that argued all the way from town to the extreme north of Singapore with me, for he simply could not agree with me in a gracious God who would pardon anyone who would come to Him through His Son, whether how much wrong that person has done in life, even murderers, etc. I believed I must have said a silent prayer in my heart that someday somehow his heart will be touched by this wonderful truth, rather than fighting over it.
Anyway, the above was not what I intend to write on, just a small sidetrack, but I want to focus on one of the most impressionable Mr Taxi Driver I met. Pondering on this, I have not met anyone as "memorable" as him before, not that his appearance or his cab were extra special, in fact, I could not even recall his face and what cab I took, was it comfort, or Citicab, or etc?
I was on my way home from site, on a cab, in the evening hours, when I looked out of the window, I was overwhelmed by the beautiful, bright golden clouds in the sky at the sunset hour, that I actually exclaimed and said to myself "wow! so beautiful!", or something to that effect. That was when the small talk between me and Mr Taxi began. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I finally met a very positive and "no complaining" taxi driver. For once, this was a delightful change to end my busy day at work.
Mr Taxi mentioned to me that before he was a taxi driver, he used to travelled a lot to many countries for his work, and he would have to bring along instant noodles to those places, as they were not really that developed. Having visited so many, he realised how beautiful our country is (for oversea readers, this is Singapore for your information), convenience right at your doorstep, and everything so clean and beautiful. And indeed we are so green, you can hardly find a place where there isn't a single tree. Mark my words, I have been to great cities, where you can hardly find one healthy tree at times. Perhaps, we all have been living in such a beautiful environment for so long, we have become numbed to it or rather take things for granted, believing that it is our rightful rights to have and enjoy such environment, not until you travel, would you know how different our dwellings are!
For that half hour in the cab, Mr Taxi made me realise how blessed I am, to be in this place where I am. The fact that we can just leave bags on table (of course there should not be much valuables inside) and coming back a few minutes later, to still find them (most of the time) is itself quite "spectacular"! And to my utter amazement, perhaps Singapore would also be the only country that people actually reserve seats at foodcourt with tissue paper packs, anyway this is just a sidetrack and deserve a whole new article on its own! I am thankful, whenever I remembered this little chat I had with Mr Taxi, thanks for opening my eyes to see how blessed I am!
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
My computer is back to life! Praise the Lord! This is the illustration for 2006, symbolising a new beginning. It was drawn 6 months ago, on my birthday, but there was never an appropriate occasion to publish it till now. My niece mentioned that it looks very much like "The Chronicles of Narnia", any similarities are purely coincidental. The day when the lamb and the lion co-dwell in peace!
little lamb art
Monday, January 02, 2006
Today’s would not be long, partly because my computer has finally "dieded", I am now praying and seeking help for its resurrection. And plus the fact that I am a bit upset that I may have permanently lost some of my illustrations in the pc. (I am now borrowing my brother's laptop for a short while to do this "very meaning" work, perhaps the next time I published my illustration will be one or two weeks away, till my pc is resurrected or I am blessed with a new laptop!) I have in fact gotten ready a most appropriate illustration for the new year, but due to the above reason, it will have to hold till I scanned it again. (Thank Papa God that it is a watercolor painting, therefore it was not lost with the rest.)
For the coming year, I will not make any resolution as usual, letting the Shepherd leads the way, but I am sure I am on for another year of adventure with Him. Meanwhile, I maybe changing the format of the blog a little for the year ahead, stay tune. Been intrigued by some simple life stories of people around me, and I hope I will be able to illustrate them and share them with you all, though I am not aspiring to be a writer, writing especially in English was never my strength, I know, since young.
And again, I need to “cover” myself, I would not be absolutely sure that I will keep to the above plan, but I will try. (Those who know me well, know that I am not good at planning and administration.)
And finally, beloved family and friends, thanks for all your encouragement and support, my nieces, the best “fans” and critics. I am glad that even my family members get to know me more through this for the past 6 months, I am glad, as I am never very expressive verbally. (I may look fierce at times, but I am actually quite nice and “kind” at heart! Cos the Lord is in me!) Thank God for all of you! And most of all, have a blessed year, and may the new year be filled with the wonderful peace of our dearest Lord in your heart always! Meanwhile stay tune for a brand new format, got so much brewing in my head but no equipment to express them, yet I am not discouraged, cos I know all things work together for good! And you too, let go of the past for the future is shining ever brighter than before!