Home, Work and Routine

It's been about 4 days since I came back from my holiday. I headed back straight to work on the Monday, finding myself having a slight jet lag (almost falling asleep while drawing), meanwhile I am still slowly adjusting to it, and therefore I doubt I would attempt to write a long journal, since it is almost time for bed.

Everything is back to simple routine like the past, not that I am particularly fond of, but it does feel good as well. My work in office is not as hectic as when I left it to go for my long break, perhaps it is just the beginning, or rather, because my boss is also away for his holiday? Guess I will find out soon in a day or two when he is back. Yet I learnt to cherish this quiet peaceful tranquil moment, something I missed particularly. This does not come often and I simply enjoyed it, able to have nice chatty lunch with colleagues, not having to buy lunch back to office, work, eat, and draw at my work top, what a blessing this is!

Wanted to post something hilarious today, no particular reason, just wanted to show my dear travelmate-friend, as I had mentioned to her, I will draw her with the leaning tower of Pisa, so here it goes. Pal, I had a great time with you traveling to Pisa, and up to the tower, cheers, you made it to the top, I am proud of you! It was fun and unforgettable for ages to come! This exercise was going to last you for another year before your next expedition to the next wonder?

Perhaps to the surprise of many people, this is my first visit to one of the wonders of the world. Despite my frequent trip to China, I have yet visited the great wall, something that I really wanted to do in the past, a wish I had, that I could go there with my dad... Yet I know one day I would still visit, now for sure with my Papa God!

As for Pisa, after my simple analysis, I realised perhaps this could be one of the most convenient wonders to visit among all! No strenuous exercise required except for the 8 storey climb, as compared to the great wall, etc etc.

Pardon my babbling, guess it's time I hop on to bed, and yet today is another new day, with new challenges that await me (my boss is back), and yet, I know my Lord will always see me through victoriously! You too have a great week ahead, face your challenges with no fear, cos He is with you always! Cheers!

This was done on a train ride, while trying to pass time, my self-portrait with my backpack. No color added, just the original, the way it was drawn in a lovely red sketch book that a dear friend-colleague had given me as a birthday gift which she bought from Europe. I forgot to draw in my mp3 player and earphones, that was how I stayed in touched with Singapore, listening to my Pastor's hilarious, heart-warming sermon.
little lamb art

I'm Back

I'm back, touched down this morning, well-protected in the arms of God, safe, healthy and sound. Can't think of any other ways to describe my condition, but all the worst case scenarios described as warnings from friends who were there before, about the stealing, pickpocketing, losing items, etc, did not happen to me, or was it ever close even.

I am truly thankful to Papa God for all He has done throughout the trip, His wonderful grace and protection, and most of all, Jesus' personal presence with me, without which, I am not sure how I managed to come through the 3 weeks. Beside the local food and family I missed in Singapore, it was Christian fellowship. For 3 weeks, I could hardly breathe words of thankfulness to Jesus openly with my travelmates, except in my blog, that was why I was so keen to find internet access everywhere I go.

Yet, thankful to God, I have great travelmates, but still, true enough, we also had conflicts despite of it all. Guess most of the problems may have stemmed from me, a stubborn gal, as what a longtime friend recently told me, I am still as stubborn as 15 years ago. (Thank God, stubbornness may not be bad all the time, it could also mean persistence!) Yet I hope there is no hard feeling left after the trip between my travelmates and me, just a case of differences in opinions, and may we keep only the sweet memories.

We travelled a lot. We went from Rome to Siena, Florence, Venice and finally Milan, before 2 of us took a night train back to Rome for our flight back. It was pretty fun, except for all the walking, which I would have very much preferred to have the quantity reduced, if we had bought day pass everyday (pardon me pals, if you read this and disagreed still). I am one person who would rather spend a little more, think a little less with a few simple conveniences right at my finger tips, such as day passes and a few good meals! How I loved those last few days when we finally gotten day pass, how I travelled! I think I learnt and would recommend to anyone, if possible, get the day pass, the few dollars more per day is worth it all, as one get to see more within a shorter period of time, and can travel much further and being less tired! Think about it this way, since you have already travelled all the way across oceans and continents there, what is a few more dollars anyway! This is my opinion, and since this is my blog, everyone is subjected to my opinion here! Hahaha!

I am a typical tourist, and I took on a typical tourist's objective. I was there to see things that tourists would see, and I did exactly that, that was when my path and my pals' parted. I went to several other places alone such as to see the sculpture of David at Florence (it was impressive, the expression on his face), the civic building's clock tower at Siena (the unforgettable sunset), Como lake at Milan and a few others. I enjoyed going to museums, and to climb to the highest points of most towns to have paranomic views, and my "poor" travelmates would had to visit them with me, guess it was better to part ways at times, sorry pals, I am just a typical tourist, no losing out. And also pardon me, pals, for being inflexible, I know I must have made you all very uncomfortable, about paying the full fare for several of the entrance tickets, not wanting to lie and all the integrity business, it is just me, the stubborn sheep, if you know me long enough, you would know I am like that.

The most uplifting portion of the trip, to my surprise when I looked back, besides conquering the clock tower and leaning tower of Pisa (will talk about this fun trip later when my sketch on the leaning tower is ready) was the little day trip I made alone to Como on the last day. Having no agenda, and no feeling for shopping, I bought a very early return train ticket, alone, and ventured into my little adverture with Jesus. In fact, for the entire trip in Italy, I harboured a desire to take a little look at the Alps, and that was the highlight of it all. Not knowing anything about the place, all I knew was where I could find a tourist information counter, and I asked direction all the way from the train station to get there. With half a day there only, I was recommended to take a boat ride in the lake and the funicular ride up the mountain when it was less foggy, and that was exactly what I did. I was beaming all the way, smiling on the boat, sensing a strong presence of the Lord, smiling at almost everyone I met. It was so beautiful and it was such a wonderful time alone and yet not alone! You may think I am a freck, but I felt I was on a date with the Lord!

The weather was to my surprise, so bright and sunny, with blue sky. Have I mentioned that we met with heavy rainfall both in Siena and Venice, where our main purpose was for scenic reasons. Yet when we headed north to Milan, thinking it would be colder, not to mention Como, which is at the border between Switzerland and Italy. It was a miracle to me then, a gift from Papa God that day that I could actually see the blue sky! With a heart of thankfulness and joy was how I made my way up on the funicular ride. And the climax of it all, was the moment I stepped out of the cable, I saw the Alps, the beautiful snow-topped mountain ranges in the distant, brightly lit by the sun! I was close to tears, with gratefulness in my heart, who am I to deserve this, yet cos of His love for me, I saw what I wished to see! Thank You Jesus! It was so beautiful, beyond words, and I was almost envious of the people staying on this mountain top, they are having a 7 star view from where they lived! And yet, of all people, I am to be envied the most!

There is only one dear Person to thank, despite of all the walking, I was not really tired, there seems to be Someone carrying me, I felt I was like mounted on wings, I would walk and not be weary, run and not faint. That was how I felt, except for the heavy backpack and the increasing products I bought everyday that added on the weight. Yet, He is my strength!

For the next few blogs, I should be putting up lots of sketches of the places I visited, really beautiful, and I really hope to share with you all, but not with photos, as this is a blog dedicated only to drawings, hope you all don't mind. And just a final note, thank You Jesus, for Your unfailing love towards me, despite of all my imperfections, which I get to see more during the trip, You remain faithful and true towards me, truly in You, I have everything!

Wet Day

Today was really a wet day, it was pouring so heavily, and the places we were visiting, the small little town, Chianti (not sure about the spelling) was so foggy, it felt like it was winter. This would be the first day we encounter any rain here in Italy since the day we arrived. And we are leaving Siena for Florence tomorrow, hopefully we get to visit the Leaning Tower of Pisa tomorrow afternoon or the following day. Not that we are really enchanted by the architecture or whatsoever, but merely out of vanity, how can we say we have visited Italy without going to take a look at this wonder of the world? Merely vanity, sigh, vanity.

Papa God was really kind today, despite the rain, we managed to capture a glimpse of sunlight streaming through the cloudy sky in the evening, while we were out in the little town, therefore my spirit was not totally dampened by the rain. All things work together for good, I believe.

You know something? I felt I almost have enough of my fair share of pasta and pizza for the entire lifetime, I really miss all the simple food back home. My kimchi ramen, tom yam soup, my daily salad prepared by my beloved mom, chicken wings, etc etc.... endless. Only till now did I realise how bless I am to be able to eat different type of food everyday back home in Singapore, truly we Singaporeans are fortunate. I missed chilles.

Another thing I missed is washing machine! It was kind of a thrill everyday, that we have to gauge whether we have enough time to wash our clothes before we move on to the next stop. Today was pretty disasterous, we washed our clothes last night, thinking it would be dry by today, but due to the wet weather, most of our clothes are half dried, so while I am blogging, my travelmates are busying drying their clothes with the hairdryer, thank God we still have a hairdryer in our room. Guess I just need to wash one more round of clothes and that will last me for the next 10 days, I would just wear the same T-shirt for 2 days! Another option is to buy new clothes, guess the second option is a bit too costly.

Meanwhile, I wish to send my regards to everyone back home. B or Mei or Xiang, can you kindly forward this blog's address to my brothers or sister-in-laws? Let them know I missed them! And also to let them know how I am for the past few couple of days. Till we meet again, stay blessed, everyone! (Not sure when I would get an internet access again.)

Breathtaking

Had one of the most breathtaking view today in Italy, not in Rome, but in a small medieval town, Siena. It was so beautiful that it almost took my breath away. Initially, I was in a moment of wallowing in self pity, as none of my travelmates desire to conquer the tower that overlooked the whole city, due to the price we had to pay, 6 euros. For a moment I was truly very sad, having made our way to Siena without having a paranomic view of the city, and I was certain I would definitely have a sense of regret at the end of the trip.

In the end, I queued up alone for 45mins for my turn to proceed right up to the top of the clock tower, praying in my heart, knowing that I was not alone, but my dearest Lord Jesus would be with me all the way, ready to give me a most beautiful gift. Truly, He remains ever so faithful, I was able to catch the spectacular moment of the sunset, if I would to reach earlier or any minute later, I would have missed that moment, and I finally understood why the 45mins wait, any earlier, I would not have ventured to stay so long to wait for the sunset, fearing the long queue of people waiting for their turns. Thank You Jesus. I would never want to exchange this precious moment for anything else, as You prove to me Your never ending love to me once again. And yes, the view was beyond descriptions, I can actually see castles and fields in the distant from the top of the clock tower!

Siena is truly beautiful, it has that intimate, human scale, that gets into you, an unforgettable feeling, so unlike Rome, which is so majestic, so awesome, that makes one feel really out of place at times, as all the things around you seem to be blow out of proportion, being so many times bigger than what is required.

Tomorrow, we will venture to the surrounding smaller town in Siena, making our ways to winery and a castle. Sounds really fun! Will update more if I have time.

Meanwhile, very thankful to God that the place where we are staying, though a bit out of the way, has internet access. Thank You Papa God, thank You Jesus, You are with me always!

Misses Home

Kind of misses home, how is my mom, anyone? How is everybody back home? Would be leaving Rome tomorrow for Siena. A bit drain after several days of walking and minimum public transport, would definitely prefer to take lots of public transport than walking, yet in order to save cost....

Rome is quite a beautiful country, finally have enough of art museums and sculptures and cathedrals and basilicas..... guess would definitely want to have some great time shopping for gifts and hopefully Christmas presents.

Right now, I am using a paid internet access, so would not be long, as I do not want to burn a hole in my wallet. Just wish to drop a line here for all my beloved ones at home, miss you all, and yap, do keep me in prayer, and surely our Lord Jesus is with me! A bit exhausted only after 1 week. Will update more when I reach home... all the stories! Ciao! Blessed week!

Mei

Sorry, niece, I am unable to enjoy this wonderful birthday occasion with you this year, yet I hope I am still able to give you a pleasant surprise from Italy, most probably from Rome. I am not sure if I would be able to deliver this birthday wish personally and promptly though. In fact, I am now writing this blog several days before your birthday, hopefully I can find an internet access at my hotel to post it from there. So by the time you read this, I must have cleverly resolved this. Or should I get your sister to help me?

How time flies! Now that you are already working, and even considering of studying again. I am happy for you, in whatever decision you make, as I am so sure that whichever path you embark on, our Papa God will surely take care of you and He has great plan for you, way beyond your imagination.

The above was a sketch I did many years ago, I believe when you were perhaps 6 or 7 years old, and when I possibly was in my secondary school, asking you to be my model, while I practiced my sketching for my fine art class. I discovered this drawing while I was unpacking all my stuff during the moving of house, and what sweet vivid memory it evoked. It was not really a masterpiece, just a piece done by a simple young girl, whose aspiration then was to be an artist. I did a little touched up before I published it, but certainly, there are many flaws still.

This niece is another precious gem of mine, and most certainly the Lord’s. From young, she is quite unlike her older sister. Perhaps with a seemingly “outstanding” older sister in terms of study, she is always under scrutiny and comparison by adults and relatives, and indeed she may seem weaker in studies when compared with her sister, yet in other ways she is no inferior, and it does not take too long for one to discover. She is cheerful, bubbly, and at times almost “rowdy”. She does have the ability to make everyone around her comfortable.

From young, just like her sister, she spent a great deal of time with us, although she was cared for by a nanny. She would often come and stay with us over the weekend. As she grew older, and I grew wiser (I presume), I became her tuition teacher when she was in secondary school, giving her many intensive classes and drilling, preparing her for “O” level. I believe it must have been a frightening episode in her life, some sort of drilling that was, and thank God, she passed pretty well!

I remembered about 2 years ago, when she turned 21, we went backpacking in Shanghai, as part of her birthday wish to fly, and that was when I realized she could really shop, amazing! It was a wonderful experience, though I was a bit of a “fierce” aunt at times, which I know! Do forgive me!

Mei, know that you are no ordinary person, you are His beloved, special and unique in His eyes, and even in mine, and you have many gifts in you, placed there by our beloved Papa God, which you have yet sharpen them and use them to their fullest. Always remember, you are not a face in the crowd, you are special in Him, and even in my eyes. And for today, you are the superstar in my blog!

As promised and requested, I wrote about you in this blog as a birthday gift to you! Cheers and love ya! Blessed birthday!

Just a short note

I am now in my final day at Ancona, and tomorrow I will be leaving for Rome, visiting one of Renzo Piano's auditoriums. That to me is kinda of interesting as for the past few months, and in fact, almost 2 years, I have been dealing with quite a bit on auditorium design, perhaps this is one area that I should study into... I ponder.

Been saying that dinner here in Italy last for 4 hours, and it is quite an experience, I already had tasted twice for the past 2 days. How the dinner stretched into the wee hours of the night, and the most 'exciting' thing about it was that we never know what is coming next, we never know what was the next dish and what we are eating, until we ask the waiter. This was kinda of 'scary' for me as I am pretty fussy about food as most of my good friends would know, most of the time, I only eat vegetables, fish and chicken. And perhaps for once yesterday, I ate beef (other than in burgers). It was quite tasty after all, thank God it was prepared quite well, or else...

Many things to thank the Lord for. Perhaps not many of you know, I suffered 'air sickness' on plane sometimes, yet this time round, I decided to just trust the Lord with no medicine, and thank to His faithfulness, the 12-hour flight was great, I could eat and sleep and I actually finished 3 movies on board. Must be God.

Anyway, got to go, someone is waiting for the computer as well. We all are deprived of proper internet access. Not sure if I can find an access in Rome, see you all soon. God bless and have a blessed week! B, send me an sms, please with your email address by today! Thanks.

Greetings from Italy

I am now in Italy, in a countryside area, having my seminar, really kinda slow here, and I am still trying to get used to it. The good news is that there are internet access in my hotel room, but the bad news is the software is too old and I could not access my blog, and therefore, I am really grateful to find an internet access here at the seminar place, of course, sneaking out of the seminar to have a quick fix of blog.

Things are really kind of relaxing here, we have long italian seminar with English translation and long Italian dinner, that last for 4 hours due late into midnight. There are so many things I want to say here, but guess I got to rush in for my seminar.

Meanwhile, my dearest niece, can you send me your email address via sms to me I am trying to contact you but I have difficulty locating your email address. Thanks, dear.

Dear ones, our Lord Jesus loves you and miss you all. Will get back soon if I find an access again.

On Leave Finally

Almost could not send this journal out before I embark on my holiday tonight. My pc almost "dieded" on me again, until I prayed and spoke nice word to it, and even threaten it, and like an angry parent, I took out the last straw, I hit it literally on its side, and suddenly it came back to life, amazing, miracle! Guess it is high time I get a laptop, yet this has to wait till early next year, since I spent so much already this year, on my flat, renovation and this trip, although it is already half paid for. Why am I still grumbling? Papa God help, You overlooked all my imperfection and You are my provider!

Was thinking perhaps I would drop a line here in my blog, if my pc still could not work, at the airport later tonight, yet thank God, this needed not be consider afterall.

Once again, I sound like a broken record, I just want to apologise to my niece and my friend, sorry for not being able to celebrate your birthdays, but for sure, you will get a present. As for the 2 weddings I missed, sorry for that, I am sure you will definitely be very blessed, for I know my Papa God takes good care of you, be the most beautiful brides ever.

As for all the dear ones who sent me smses and emails, knowing I am going for a long break, thanks, and do keep me in prayer, that this will be a wonderful relaxing trip, where I do not need to think too much. Finally, I let my brain sleep a while, and just satisfying my 5 senses will do. Thank You Shepherd, for bringing your little lamb there, and you'll be there with me still.

And not being sure whether I would be able to post anything here while in Italy, if I can find an internet access, I would definitely drop a line or 2 during the trip, when I have nothing better to do at night, and when I miss home, but I doubt I can post any pictures even if I draw a lot, unless I find a scanner, or use my camera to take my drawings? Too troublesome, I suppose, being the lazy me...

So many things to say, yet so little time... cleared almost everything at work finally, about 80%, I suppose, guess my colleagues will have to take care of the 20%, not totally my fault, simply wrong timing. But guess what? I finally cleared my table. (After being reminded by my boss to clean and pack my table before I go on leave. I actually planned to do this, but with his reminder, I did it with great reluctance, it is so human nature, to dislike doing things when asked to do it...) It was so clean and tidy, that I couldn't believe it myself, I finally see what is the color of my table top! It is white with many scratches! Amazing! I could hardly recognise it. Hope it will be maintained as it is till I come back, hopefully my colleagues will not dirty it while I am away, and hope you all read this! For colleagues who have read this, perhaps you can kindly forward this to my dearest 3 assistants sitting next to me?

I also like to take this chance, to thank them, thanks dear colleagues, for helping me out all these while, and many more days to come, and also covering my work for me while I am away, you all are really dear and precious in my eyes, and more so in my Lord Jesus' eyes, hope you will come to know of His great love for you all. Meanwhile hang on! Thanks, see you all in 3 weeks' time. You all are great, and are great blessings to me!

As for the dear friend-colleague, I can't wish you farewell personally, but I wish you all the best in your future endeavour, and also, you know me, I still hope you can join me for one service in church someday! Hope you get to read this, ST, can forward this for me to her? Thanks.

ST, also I pray for you, knowing surely, our Lord Jesus, He is your wisdom, you sure will do real well! Jia You! Rest in Him is the key!

Lastly, my dear nieces and nephews, my dear ones, if you have any time to spare, do visit grandma while I am away, keep her totally occupied, okay? I sure can trust you all with that right? For one though, I know I can trust Papa God to take good care of my mom, while I am away, for He cares for her even more than me! Thank God I have You in my life! See all of you soon..... will miss you all....But I will sure have great fun!

No picture, just a "Long Line"

It is like a final countdown to me, as the day of my long break draws closer. Having many seemingly endless amount of things to clear, and things to plan, everyday seems to fly past so fast, or has time indeed moves faster than we thought it is? i ponder with no answer.

No attempt was made today to draw something but just to drop a line here. Thanks my dear colleague, for offering me help in finding hotel accommodation. All thanks to our dear Papa God, we found a hostel already, though not as inexpensive as yours, but it is fine. And sorry for not being able to attend your wedding, I would really really love to be there, as since I joined this office, this would be the first colleagues' wedding that I would be attending, do pardon me! Wish to be there, this is my sincere desire.

Going for such a long trip, with no clear direction as yet whether all the hotels we are staying would have attached bath, and also to save the hassle and time to wash my hair, I cut my hair short recently, no special style in particular, just told the hairdesser, shoulder length please with layers, despite the chances of the hair ends curling inwards, I do not really care, so long as it is easy to maintain. No particular reason, simply utilitarian. The reason I am spending time here to explain this was because several persons came to ask why I cut my hair, was it a change of look? I ponder again in deep thought, not sure, maybe subconsciously? And thank God, I think I look fresh in this short hair. (When I was in high school, my hair was only at my ears' length.)

And lastly, I pray that I would have a wonderful time travelling with my pals, one is a great co-worker, the other a pal I just knew for less than a month. Lord, teach me to appreciate one another's differences, and enjoy one another's company, only you can! I decide from day 1 that we would agree to disagree and resolve amicably any hiccups that arise. Thank You Lord, I know it is already answered.

Backpack

It’s been almost a week since I last wrote, and about a week more, I will be off to my long break! And thanks for my niece’s support, who asked me why I didn’t post for the past 5 days. I pondered as well. I do not know how I manage to write when I was so busy a week before, and while this week I am relatively less busy, I was too lazy to write.

And indeed, I am thankful to Papa God, for this wonderful peaceful, less hectic week, though there are still many “datelines” and with the fact that the day of me going on long leave approaches, I would like to finish all the things on hand to prevent passing on too much things unto my assistants. Indeed, I cherished the peace and slight monotonous of this week, certainly a little amount of routine in life could really be enjoyable at times.

While I am looking forward to the break, I was also sorry to say that I would be missing a few good friends’ wedding and a few dear ones’ birthdays. Wish you have a blessed birthday.

As the day of my Italy trip approaches, my pals and I began to realize we have so many things to do yet so little time left. In fact, I have tried booking several hotels in Rome but to no avail. Papa God help! Only you can put us at the right place at the right time! Thanks, Dad!

This would be the second real backpack experience I would be having in my life, the last one was about 5 years ago, and it was truly fun, with 8 of us, including my friend’s parents and another friend’s sister. Really unforgettable, how we try to save and cut cost, waiting for the supermarket to announce discount price after 7pm, and how we bought fruit and vegetable to bring back to our small hotel room to savor with our instant noodles. How we studied the maps, took night trains to save on accommodation, and how I “forced” every one of them to go Disneyland with me. It was fun!

While that was a past episode in my life, I move on, ready for another adventure, and I pray for peace between my travel mates and myself, no argument! And do pardon me, pals, I am not the really adventurous type, I don’t like to cycle and I don’t like to swim, though I can do both a little…. I just want a simple break, a getaway, a no brain trip, and an eye opener architecture retreat….

Learnt this great truth about nature today, and was almost touched beyond words. Have you ever consider if the amount of water held up in the clouds did not descend upon earth in the form of rain or snow? The amount is tremendous, and if we were to imagine pouring out the water like we are pouring out water from buckets, how much of this beautiful earth will be destroyed by the tremendous force and impact? God in His love for His creation has created rain, pouring forth the water in droplets, so that even the weakest, most vulnerable flower can still survive and bloom after a heavy shower, how great is His love for us!

little lamb art

Thanksgiving vs. Taking Things for Granted

I apologized for my previous journal which seemed to dwell in an air of unhappiness and discontent. I was indeed so for the past 2 weeks. Things have turned around during these last few days, and situation will surely become clearer after I come back from my long break in a few weeks’ time.

I have opted to be dropped out of a team of a “prestigious” project with the “unbearable” colleague, I can only tell Papa God, I failed to see that Christ loved him and died for him too, and I wanted a quick way out, and God in His mercy has allowed a way of escape for me, thank You, Papa God. I am thankful for being blessed with wonderful bosses that understood and did not insist on me staying in the team. Thank Jesus for great bosses that understand. “Prestigious” to me is not as important as compared to enjoying my daily work.

There is a great restructuring of the team I am in, and I am still adjusting to it, I will attempt to talk about it in future when I am back from my break. Guess I need to spend this long awaited break to think about my new team and trust the Lord with all the new team players. Lord, give me wisdom and grace, without You, I am truly nothing. Yet, I trust my Lord that this restructuring will result in better time management in the team, better welfare and greater efficiency, leaving all with more time with loved ones and yet able to accomplish our work and more, this is my prayer, Lord.

Many a times, we tend to overlook small little things in our lives, taking things for granted, and I am truly thankful for a wonderful pastor who reminded me today how blessed I am, and how much I already have. I am glad to be born and living, having all my senses working, able to walk, talk, see, smell, taste, touch, hear, and enjoy simple pleasures in life. I am thankful for a beautiful home to come back to after a long day work, and a nice warm meal waiting for me.

I am thankful that I have a close-knitted family, and a mom who loves us unconditionally. I am thankful for wonderful siblings who care and love one another although they each have their own families and we are staying apart. I am thankful that I am already an auntie with great nieces and nephews since I was seven. I am thankful for friends I have, friends of old, from primary school to university, wonderful co-workers and dear friends in the office, understanding bosses, beloved friends from church, a wonderful gang of caregroup members who care and pray for me always, a wonderful church that I grow up in and humble pastors who teach me the wonderful love of God and His Son.

Yet, most of all, I am thankful to Papa God for loving me so unconditionally, always trusting me again and again even when I failed many times, and my dearest Shepherd Jesus, who never leave me nor forsake me, and is always with me despite of my many imperfections and shortcomings, yet He loved me the same and died for me. Thanks Jesus.

I am thankful. I am reminded and learning to appreciate all that I have, and to enjoy the simple things of life, enjoy the journey of life itself. I reflected. I changed my mind, realizing my past 2 weeks of unhappiness partly came as a result of me losing sight of what I already have and kept looking at what I hope to have. Remind me always of this, Lord, truly I am a very blessed person, and in fact, I have everything because You are in my life, Jesus. I am learning to cherish all that I have now.

No Regret

Didn’t have a good sleep last night, or rather this morning, tossing and turning on bed, although I was extremely tired having reached home from work at 4am and having to rush to office for an early meeting. I am one who can fall asleep in less than 5 minutes the moment I hit my bed. Thus it was an unusual day for this to happen. Today’s blog will take on a sad note, do pardon me. I was deeply upset yesterday, and perhaps the first of a long time, I cried tears of sorrow.

Yesterday, I decided to get some cough syrup from the family doctor before I headed to work. I had a nice short stroll with my mom, chatting about work, food and simple everyday occurrences. Recently, I noticed my mom enjoy going shopping with me, which in the past, I could hardly drag her feet to go anywhere further than 30 minutes away by train.

I perceived she is lonely. In the past, she would not have wanted to walk all the way to the MRT station with me, yet yesterday she volunteered. I began to wonder what she does everyday at home, despite my giving her the best Chinese cable entertainment channels possible, helping her plan things to do when alone, teach her to go Orchard to shop which she never does when alone, as she tends to get lost in the underground MRT train, as announcement is made in English only. She is lonely. I can’t emphasis this enough to let myself know. I was arrested with this heartache upon realizing this.

In the midst of my busy schedule, now having a home to take care of, I felt an unknown burden which I may have placed upon myself, with bills to take care, and added responsibility, for a moment, I lost sight of the reason of why I worked for the past couple of months, and I realized I have unknowingly fallen into the trap of working too hard and late into the wee hours of the day. Is it worth all the while? I repented.

I hardly see my mom everyday except for the brief 15 minutes in the morning when I am having breakfast, as several nights when I reached home, it was already late. Yet all these have never bothered me so much until yesterday, coupled with working with an unbearable colleague, who really made my work which used to be fun into a chore. I dreaded working with him, who has the ability of making a relatively fun project into a strenuous task, stretching my working hours into the wee hours of the night, because of that.

I was mad, frustrated, and this was further aggravated with sorrows, guilt and emotional pain. After a long day at work, on my way home on a cab, raining cats and dogs just before dawn, I saw a familiar figure standing at the lift lobby at 4am, it was my mom, waiting at the void deck for me. What if I did not come back till 6am? She must have stood there for more than an hour. My heart sank, and I cried, alone hiding in the toilet cubicle, fearing anyone to see. My eyes are opened. I repented. Sorry, mom, I should know better. It is not the money that I gave her that shows her I care, but my time with her.

During the short few hours in bed this morning, I finally made up my mind that I would let my boss know, hopefully something will work out to reduce my workload, and I would have no regret even if I am to resign. And indeed, I did, after the presentation that we rushed out the previous night, I did precisely that, I relented to my boss in a clear, concise email, and a sense of joy came and the burden left me totally. I know I did the right thing, I know I got to let go, and trust God. I know it is time to prioritize the things I value in life. Thank you Father for making me see. Thanks, Dad, thanks, Jesus. No regret. All things will surely turn out for good. (I do have a good working environment and a good boss, despite of that "hard to work with" colleague.)

Now I know what is precious to me, spending time with my family, having time to attend church and bible study, is indeed a blessing no money can buy, time with my loved ones. And now I finally see and know. No more compromise, no more waiting till tomorrow to cherish and appreciate those you love, now is the time.

I am assured that tonight I will sleep like a baby, in His arms.

I am always fascinated with seashell. Isn't nature beautiful? Having just moved house, I can finally understand the hassle of moving around, upgrading apartments, etc. Yet Papa God is so amazing, look at the seashell, isn't it the home to a sea creature. It grows with it, adapting to its new needs and growth, and most of all, it moves wherever the owner moves, without packing and unpacking. This is the silent cry of a lazy person like me. Just a simple sketch, hope you too have time to look at a little beauty in nature today, certainly it is one of God's way of expressing His love towards you with His creation.

little lamb art

Dream

Yesterday was an unusual Saturday for us, as a family, since my mom, my eldest brother and I moved away about a month ago. So busy was the past few weekends, with house warming and office’s cruise, that I hardly noticed the difference until yesterday.

It is part of our family routine to have family dinner on every Saturday night. My mom being the binding force for the entire family, draws everyone together every Saturday. At least to me in the past, to have dinner together was effortless, as all my brothers and sister would come to my second brother’s place for dinner, and I needed not to travel at all, since I was staying with him.

Yet, things have changed since the day we moved. My house isn’t that big and spacious, and for the entire family to gather at my place seems a bit out of proportion. Thus, we gather we shall still meet at my second brother’s place for dinner. Yesterday was the first dinner after our moving away, it was a strange feeling to me, as we made the journey to my old place of residence for dinner. No longer do I wait for my siblings to come, but I travel to meet them. Perhaps, I was nostalgic, or not used to it, somehow it just felt a bit different for me.

I also experienced a strange and yet familiar feeling again yesterday. Seems so familiar, it reminded me of the day when I passed the exam to qualify as an architect. I felt I was finally free to do whatever I want, to pursue whatever dream or something totally different, and to go anywhere, and even to give up architecture totally. As if a huge stone that I have unknowingly put upon myself, trying to work it out on my own, without Papa God’s help, has been removed. I felt a burden suddenly disappeared and I was ready and free to pursue my dream. This feeling came back again to me yesterday. Only now did I finally realize, I have truly moved house. For the past few months, I was so caught up with choosing the flat, buying the flat, getting the loan, finding the correct contractor, designing my flat, renovating and finally moving and unpacking, it is only now that it dawned on me it is finally over and I have a place of my own.

And at the same time, it freed me. For the past few months, I have been postponing all my travel plans, and dreams, thinking that all these can wait till I have settled down, and now, it almost caught me by surprise, it is all over and I can move ahead with my life to do whatever I want again, except for the unwilling loan at the back of my mind.

I wonder why I felt this way. It could be due to an old friend of mine. She has decided to pursue a long cherished dream of working oversea. All along, she is one of the few that to me, who constantly displays great passion for architecture. She can spend days to perfect a design which I felt already perfected. She explores, she experiments, she enjoys the process, and for that, I salute her and am proud of her for her boldness to move ahead to a land where her talent can be further sharpened. I wish her all the best in her journey, and most of all, during this phase of her life, may she and her husband find the greatest love ever, the love of Jesus.

As for me, I still cherished within me some precious long time dreams, I am still not so sure whether architecture will be my lifelong career, yet for now, I enjoyed it, the joy of seeing spaces and forms in my mind and transforming them into blueprints and finally into reality, is still a thrill to me now. There are still many dreams, and though I am not sure how they are going to be fulfilled, I just know right within my heart, it is in His hands. Meanwhile, I just live a day at a time, enjoying the process while He continues to open door for me. Rest in Him is the key. Rest.

My Self Portrait

How can an aspiring artist cum cartoonist not draw some self portraits? So the above is my humble attempt, I am cute isn't it? (don't puke please.)

You must be really surprised to see this posting so soon, early part of the week, on a Tuesday. I thought this will be a great way to allow my smile to be permanently imprint on the screen, since one of my colleagues keep commenting how "forced" my smile looked at times, especially when I seem hyper "stressed" or busy. So here it goes!

In fact, I was thinking maybe I should take this opportunity to write a bit on myself, not to mention that I have always been writing on myself, and I bet you pals know me more through this blog than the past few years put together. Yet, I would still attempt to do so here, perhaps for the first and the last time. So please bear with me for this little elaboration.

I am a very shy person. I am afraid to express myself verbally in front of others, but I can express myself slightly better in words and pictures, that is why I attempt to write. Yet, people around me may think of me as a rowdy, fun-loving person, as I dislike sudden silence moment, and when such moment occurs, I will always either try to make fun of people, make a fool of myself to draw some laughters from others, or try to make people talk. However, many a times, when friends are alone with me, especially when it is one to one, you will find me extremely quiet, and that is me. I don't open up my feelings to people very often, and if I do to anyone, that one must be a very dear dear friend, yet I am a pretty good listener. But I speak to Papa God all my ups and downs, for this is the very private "little lamb", me. But I am a bit blunt in speaking my opinions, people often described me as either very "true" or too "straight" (in Chinese).

I am also very conservative, the typical old-fashioned Chinese, who believe strongly in moral values and strong family ties, perhaps due to my upbringing and all the Chinese and Korean dramas I often watched.

I am not very fussy, and a not "into detail" kind of person, I don't really triumph in details, but I am a more big picture person, and that makes me very "man" in most of my thinking, sometimes I think people around me may think I think and work more like a man than a real man. (I am female, for your info, if you don't know.) I even shop like a man, very focused. One can attempt to distract me, but hardly anyone succeeds. Sometimes, I am so focused, I wish I can be more distracted, especially in terms of work, being task oriented, I tend to neglect people's feeling at times. So if I did offend anyone in the process, I wasn't intentional, just task oriented.

In a nutshell, I am a person with many faults, and uncountable imperfections. Nothing much to boast about, but one thing glad to always remind myself, I am still a beloved "little lamb" of God, His beloved child! Hope you see a bit of light of who I am from this! Shalom!

What A Sunday!

It’s already quarter past 12, and I am still here, writing. It is simply amazing how yesterday, Sunday passed by.

I just came back from an office’s cruise to nowhere. More a “strategizing cruise” for the future of the office. Initially, many of us were quite apprehensive about all the meetings we are going to have on board. Yet, looking back now, it seems pretty short and little, in fact, a bit too little, and that most of the work to be done were the directors’ part. I almost felt we did not really achieve the objectives of the trip. Anyway, this is just my opinion, and since this is my blog I am entitled to my own opinion.

Much can be said about today, this was an unusual Sunday to me, that I actually only attended half a church service. I rushed to church the moment I hit coast, knowing that if I were to attend a later service, I was sure to be really tired, with even shorter attention span and concentration ability, and that was why I rushed straight to church while I was still bright and cheerful after the cruise… and some of you must be asking, why don’t you just miss once? And you know what? I couldn’t, I couldn’t help myself. I need to recharge, and this is the place where I can always feel “fully charged” after service, and knowing that I have a long week ahead, and many challenges await me, how could I let it pass? Therefore this is my reason. I love listening to sermons, and I think this is also the secret formula to be efficient at work for the following week.

Anyway, having only slept for less than 5 hours for the past few days, the prized item today was my bed, the thing I longed for, my queen size bed…. After having slept on a smaller than single bed, on the upper deck with little headroom on the ship, this was a great relief to me, and suddenly I felt and realized how blessed I am, which I actually never knew of cherishing until now.

And yes, all my dear colleagues out there, my dear cabin mates, I have a great time with you all, pardon our little differences and thanks for the guitar, it was a nice little time we have while we waited for our turns for the bathroom. And also the Taboo game and the silly game I taught you all “chop chilli chop chilli chop chop chop.” But wasn’t it great fun? And suddenly we were all back to childhood? And pal, watch out, don’t you dare show people all my funny shots!!!!! I will definitely from this day forth, lengthen the time of my smiles at you!

And all readers, pardon me, no picture today, as I am still a bit too tired even after a 2-hour nap. Will definitely post a picture soon this week! Good night!

Once Upon A Time

Who can shout, jump, run and even publicly display the most intimate behaviour without being ashamed or still remain oblivious to the onlookers?

The other day I was on the train on my way home, intending to spend the journey home catching a short nap, after securing a seat. Much to my dismay, before I could do that, I heard the loud conversation, almost shouting from 2 young sisters, age about 4 and 7 years old, swirling around poles, running from one end of the cabin to the other end, treating the cabin as a children’s playground. We, onlookers, all of a sudden, became props in this new found playground of theirs. As both parents are seated far apart, they try to catch their attention by shouting, being totally indifferent to the surrounding.

It was not too long before they finally gotten several empty seats, and the whole family sat down together. This was when the next outstanding scene took place. (In fact, during the entire trip, there was no dull moment, simply by watching them.) The sisters were obviously greatly in love with their parents especially their mom and vice versa. With no sense of awkwardness or uneasiness, they started displaying their love for their mom, trying to force kisses upon her.

For a moment, they were the stars on the train, everyone’s eyes were upon them, watching their every move and speech. Yet, the look displayed on every onlooker was not a look of disgust, but of envy and smiles, with me included as well.

It was truly a beautiful sight, a heart warming Kodak moment, perhaps almost unforgettable. Just then, a question popped up, when was the last time we did this to our own parents? It seemed so far away, almost like “once upon a time”, it must have taken place before.

And just a little sidetrack, isn’t this what Papa God wants us to be before Him, to be totally oblivious to our surroundings, with our eyes only on Him, He being our Person of interest, and Him alone? How difficult it seems at time for us to come to Him like that, yet it is easy when we start to see ourselves as His beloved little children, which in fact is what we really are in His eyes.

You Are Welcome

I am always glad to know that my dearest Shepherd is always with me especially now that I have moved into my new place. I just had a small cosy housewarming with my family members on Saturday, and then I realised my place is really quite small, it seems pretty crowded when all come home. Also, all my dear friends out there, not sure if any of you would want to come and visit, you are most welcome.
little lamb art

Eventful Weeks

Last 2 weeks were truly eventful, and I do not wish to go through the same kind of schedule for the next 3 years if possible.

We did not employ any professional mover, anticipating that it should be pretty easy to move, since we did not have much furniture, only my computer and a 17 inch TV being my 2 biggest possessions. However, much to our miscalculation, all the smaller items, making up largely of books, clothes, toys, and other stuffs that we have never foreseen, were quite a large quantity, and that it actually took us more than a week to move them with my brother’s van, making an average of 2 to 3 trips a day, and perhaps 5 trips or more on the weekends.

On top of that, there was still the strenuous work of having to unpack, tidy up, and the unfortunate event of seeing my computer “homesick”. It actually “dieded” on me on 2 occasions even after repair, and that the technician had to come twice to attend to it. It must be seriously “homesick”, perhaps it will be soon for me to part with it, in a year’s time or so. Before that, I had to backup all the data and especially all my illustrations and mp3s.

Besides, it was also one of those extremely busy week at work, the week before last, when we were moving boxes over from the previous dwelling, that I was unable to attend to most of the moving, as several nights were spent in the office, rushing for presentation. An as soon as there was a free night, I got to make an effort to rush home to pack and unpack.

And then there were new emerging challenges, of getting used to the new place (for me is less but not so for my brother), sleeping on a new bed, meeting new neighbours. Most are well except for the neighbour’s “dirty” cat, which has the habit of urinating along the common corridor. I am not an animal hater, but I am definitely an environmentalist, being in the building line, especially against environmental pollutions of any kind. There are already “crazy” thoughts such as complaining to town council or even contemplating “extreme” measure of putting a “poisonous” fish outside my apartment, and if the cat “happened” to come over for its daily routine, that is it. (This is just a hypothetical thought, please do not take it seriously or use this to sue me, it is just a joke.)

And I really dislike wires now, wires of any kind, so many different machines and gadgets to fix, that I actually spent so many hours putting them together, even after reading all the manuals, etc, I could still get them wrong! Anyway, I just finished from a 4-hour long laborious war with hooking up the wires for my new dvd recorder and scv cable. I almost wanted to call up SCV to get them to send someone over to solve it, until I realized that I did not know how to use the remote control correctly. Now I have 4 remote controls on my TV console, it is really confusing, why couldn’t man simplify things? We have so many gadgets to do so little things, and Papa God is able to use so little things to do so many things! (To illustrate my point, refer to “Air” as an example.)

Yet in the midst of every cloud, there is always a silver lining or in another way of putting it, as I always say, “serendipity” event. Try to make a guess before you go on reading.

My long break is finally here, and the news of it came as a very pleasant surprise, and to be honest, I am extremely grateful to Papa God upon hearing the news. Remember a few journals ago, I was lamenting for a good break, and I was shocked how fast He answered my dream. I will be away for a 2 to 3 weeks break in October to November, many thanks to my boss. He was invited to attend a seminar in Italy, and since he was so busy, he actually recommended me go instead, what a blessing! And of course, when he asked me about it, how can I say “No”? And he had also graciously expressed that I could extend the stay on my own if I want. And why not? It was a part of the world that I never thought of going yet so soon, in such manner. Thanks, boss, you are the best, but I do not hope you will get to read this, just in case you get too puffed up. And sorry boss, for that 3 week leave I am applying, there may be quite a few things that you may have to handle personally while I am away.

And thank to Papa God for a co-worker pal who has kindly agreed to tour Italy with me. At first I was a bit apprehensive of traveling alone but not so now, with her around, thanks pal, I wonder how many times I have thanked you in my blog? You are a dear gift from God to me.

Meanwhile, from now till then, you will still see more of me here, in cyberspace.

Side track: I hope to bring along my sketch book and watercolor if they are not too heavy and be inspired, and hopefully use some of those sketches for the blog after that. Thanks again for you all, for always being so patient with me. By the way, what a long journal this is, you can see how much I missed it!

Finally...

I have finally settled into my new place. The past few days were really eventful, and I guess I would probably take the next blog, a proper journal to write about it. I am just updating a little now, just in case I lose all my friends and dear readers or "secret admirers" out there (Just a joke!), in case all of you think that I have given up on this blog.

So many things have happened, and I would just update on one, my computer was homesick, as the way my colleague has put it, and therefore it went to the hospital for treatment for 1 day, how I missed my computer, that I actually felt like "mourning" for it. I was intending to update my blog on Tuesday, after I have gotten my broadband on Monday. However, it just wouldn't start properly on Monday night, and there it went for servicing. Then I realise I must treat my computer with care, as it is already old, according to my computer surgeon, as the harddisk is considered old after 2 years.

As for the housewarming, I am not so sure, on the one hand, I wish to share my new home with dear ones, and on the other, I am really afraid of receiving more gifts, after I have forced myself to throw away quite a lot. Friends, forgive me, I have not much choice for throwing your gifts away, as all the new shelves are already exploding with stuffs. However, friends, if you would like to visit my place, drop me a line here, I am just "shy" to invite you directly. Definitely, I would hope to invite you all.

Pardon me for not posting any drawing today, as I have yet installed several of my essential programs. In fact, today, the moment I reached home, had my dinner and shower, I checked my emails (over 40 numbers) and am writing this blog now, so I believe all of you would understand, as I know you all are the most kind. I would definitely try to post a nice, wonderful blog this weekend, so stay tune. Thanks for being so patient and supportive of this blog. Thanks.

Still in the Process

I am still in the process of packing, about 80% of my stuff has been moved over to the new place. I didn't intend to write actually, yet thinking that it will still take about 3 days before I have any access to internet from home, I thought perhaps I should write one more journal today, before my pc is transported to the new place tomorrow. And I will be staying in the new place from this Sunday onwards.

Nothing much I want to express today, just a little picture to cheer everyone up, a different rendering of a similar drawing that I posted several weeks ago, not sure if you can recall. Hope it brings a smile to your face when you see this picture (one of my works last year), just as it did to me when I was drawing it, thinking about how Jesus would think of me, how His table top would be if He has one, etc.

Meanwhile, i have many things to update and write about, but I think I would save it for the next journal when I would have finally settled down, I suppose. Have a great restful weekend ahead, while your friend here will be exercising her muscle and patience in moving the rest of the stuffs over.

All dear friends out there, I may not be posting for the next couple of days, as I am in the middle of moving, and my pc will not be ready for internet connection till middle of September, therefore, I have published this little picture to keep you warm and remind you again of Jesus' love for you, how much He cherishes you and holds you in His bosom. Meanwhile stay warm and don't forget about this blog, even while your friend here may be "absent" for a few days. Do "visit" me still. And by the way, this is one art scene that I hope to draw again next time, in ink, pencil and also in the "lamb" series, so stay tune.
little lamb art

Packing

The process of packing to facilitate the moving has finally begun. I suddenly realized that I have so many things to pack, just within the 4 walls of my small bedroom. Then I discover that packing itself is an art, an adventure and a journey down memory lane.

Over the last 5 years while I stayed in this room, it has never dawn on me that I have accumulated so many things until today. These are not merely made up of just books and clothes but toys, bags, cds, vcds and dvds. Enough to open a mini rental shop, I presume. Even after packing about 5 big bags of stuffs, I am less than half way through my packing.

Packing was not an easy task, not to mention the strenuous effort required to undertake such an activity, but harder are the decisions required to be made in deciding to throw away items or to keep. Dilemmas strike me several times during the process. Several items were gifts from friends, and I regret to say, I threw away a few gifts, some of my toy collections and books. This was a painful process, but one has to be really decisive and courageous to do so, in order to move on. Therefore, to me, it is an art.

It is adventurous as while I am packing, I began to discover things that I never knew I have, or they have already been out of my mind for years, and indeed it was a really pleasant surprise for many of the items, realizing that I actually possess them, especially my cd and vcd collections, for instance, I actually didn’t know that I have bought some of those music cds at all, and quite a number are still left intact in their plastic coverings, waiting to be unwrapped.

Lastly, it was a sentimental journey. Many of the things I saw reminded me of those pasts I shared with my family and some of my beloved friends, and while looking through those old photographs, those dried up leaves and stones given by friends as souvenirs, those coke bottles and cans, those Mac Donald’s toy collections, it felt like the past was only yesterday. How I have queued overnight at Tanglin Mall several years ago with my friends and niece to collect those Hello Kitty toys. And what about those beautiful seashells? I bought them during my art trip to Malaysia with my secondary school classmates, and several subsequent trips oversea, and it again evokes the love I have towards seashells, their beautiful forms and colors, and how they reminded me that Papa God must have recreated them in view of us enjoying and appreciating their beauty. And the many birthday and Christmas gifts, such as photo frames, stuff toys, etc etc. How beautiful are many of those memories.

Packing is also a time of spring cleaning, perhaps not just physically but also mentally, how things have changed and perspectives and opinions have differed over the years. Things that I once loved may no longer be so precious anymore, and things that I used to view as not that precious has now become something to cherish and for safekeeping. Guess I will still be going through this process of spring cleaning for the next couple of days, and friends, do cheer me on while I move on, tiring yet pretty fulfilling, or do you want to try it for yourself and see if it is true, by giving me a hand?

Thank You

Thanks for all the support for this blog, now that it has received 1000 hits ( something that I have been looking forward to, and this happens within 3 months, this was quite amazing to me), what a “milestone”! On this journey of writing this, although I have lost much precious sleeping time, I gain a lot in the process. From the beginning, I endeavoured to publish twice a week and with my pretty hectic schedule, this proves to be a great challenge, yet it was never a drag or burden, but a moment of reflection, thanksgiving, discussion and point of contact with my friends and loved ones.

Twice a week I would ponder on what to write, what to draw, hopefully something refreshing, light hearted that brightens the day. You might have noticed that for every article there would be an accompanying drawing. However, perhaps for the 1st time so far, no picture is published today, but a new background is prepared for you. Why this background you would ask? For green represents newness of life, therefore this marks a new beginning in my life, a new chapter for the blog as well.

Indeed, many new things are happening around me and I am still trying to reconcile with this fact. My flat is almost done, and I would be moving in, in 2 weeks’ time. Sudden moments of emptiness fall upon my heart several times for the past few weeks, and caught me by surprise, as this would be the first time that this huge family will be staying apart, and I would be living away from my beloved little friends, my niece and nephews.

On top of this, new challenges face me everyday in my work, projects that I have never done before, a sense of stepping into the realm of the unknown overwhelms me and yet great expectancy of something exciting awaits me as well. I felt as if I am moving into a new phase in my career.

Just as there are climatic seasons (though we cannot say much about this in Singapore), there seems to be seasonal changes to life itself too. Seasons of meeting different group of people, establishing different types of relationship, and this is just one of those seasons I felt. Different circles of friends come and go, not that we are no longer friends, but some who used to be so close seem so distant now. Those days when I would normally hang around dear friends after church service for prolonged lunch sessions, or wonderful times at the karaoke, or even a really late night movie seem so uncommon these days. Is it because everyone is busy or is it due to my inability or my “busyness” that hinders me to catch up with them? I ponder.

My “long time ago” planned trip to Melbourne to visit a dear dear friend is long due and over, and has been postponed several times. Not sure when it will truly come to pass. I hope soon. Somehow I knew deep within my heart, my dear Jesus is silently reminding me “let go, and go enjoy a long good break”. Truly it is time to rest, guess this break is long overdue. The long overdue break should be fulfilled in a month or 2 after I have finally settled down in my new place and I should be flying off for a holiday. Meanwhile, I will be casting all my cares upon Jesus, for He cares for me. Soon, my break, soon. Yet He is my true break now.

Cherish The Difference

Recently, I have been pretty bothered, sparked by a question from a colleague, this is why I decided to throw aside my normal simple topics for my blog, and to look at a more global situation, yet hoping I will not bore you with this (for your info, I do think about global topics, just that I felt blog should be lighthearted and happy).

During my last 2-day trip to Hong Kong, other than being asked the above question, I also have some related discussions with another colleague. And this is also one fact that I was pretty bothered about, before and even after I became a Christian, so I shall be bold and write on this today. For my non-Christian friends out there, you can also take this time to understand a bit of us Christians, give me a chance to explain, will you?

I deeply believe there is always some quality in someone that we can always learn and respect. I look up to the housewives who gave up their dreams in pursuing a career to bring up their children personally. I look up to the refuge collection workers for their dedication in doing their job well, I look up to the uncle who takes pride in making the best coffee and toast, I look up at the roti-prata man in producing crispy pratas for his customers. Everyone is gifted and everyone is special, and I believe all of you out there who read my blog often, knew that I even wrote on some of these professions before, for I greatly respect them and I salute them even, for I am sure I will definitely not be able to do as well as them.

Now these are the questions I am often asked my non-Christian friends, which I felt it is rightfully asked, for I ponder on them too. Why are there so many denominations for Christianity? Isn’t it very confusing? Why are there apparent competition between churches? Why do some Christians dislike Christians from another church? It reminds me of those days in secondary schools, when we pit ourselves against the other schools, seeing them as our opponents rather than peers, and now when I have outgrown that age, how stupid those days seem to be. And this is exactly how I felt recently.

Hear me out before you throw stones at me (Thank God I am on the other side of the wireless line). A bit of church history, denominations came as a result mainly due to their founders, a rediscovery of a truth in the bible, and many denominations are named after their founders. Yet this to me is of no issue, as even siblings born in the same family has different names although we all share a similar surname. Just like there are many churches but we all Christians, carrying Jesus’ name in us.

I personally feel that all Christians are from the same family, whichever denomination one comes from, and this is doctrinally correct. I see my Christian fellows as my heavenly siblings, and I cherish everyone of them regardless of which churches they come from. And as I grow, I began to thank God for them, for I began to see the gift, the strength in each of the different churches, all are unique, special, with different functions, and no duplicate. That is why there are so many of us and yet no redundancy, but many failed to see this. Just like members of the body, no one is more important. It does not mean that because one is small in size it is lesser in value or one is big and therefore it is most important. And I believe I am speaking my Father’s heart. Just like we can’t say that because the skin occupies the greatest area in our bodies it is more important than the heart or vice versa. There is no competition and all complement each other.

For a few days, I was pondering on this, after a non-Christian colleague brought up to me about a church not liking another church etc, and for a short moment I was sad. Isn’t this a family issue, and such a shame that it is even discussed by someone out of the family? Aren’t we able to resolve it within walls, aren’t we all loved by Papa God? Aren’t we siblings?

Yet amidst all this, Papa God reminded me that nothing is too difficult for Him to handle. Somehow, somewhere, though I am not sure how, I just have this assurance in my heart that soon all of us will be united, and people will see us as one body. Yes, there will still be different churches but a HAPPY FAMILY, making up of multitudes of churches. And I rejoice now as I can almost see it already in my heart!

My Tired Legs

Wow, really surprised to see 3 comments on the blog about my eldest niece. Just to answer a few questions to those comments, I use water colors for some of the illustrations, but for the "sheep" series, i normally fall back on "photoshop". And Mei, as for a special blog for you, sure, if you are not afraid of me writing all those "scary" details I know about you?

Pardon my disappearance for the past few days. It was again one of those "serendipity" incident. I just came back from a "not planned" business-cum-study trip yesterday. (In fact, when was the last time where my business trip was not last minute?) The trip was only decided on Thursday at a meeting, when my boss became frustrated in failing to explain some buildings in Hongkong to my colleagues and I as all 3 of us had not seen most of them, that he decided to send us for a study trip. How our ignorance actually turn out to be a blessing, praise the Lord! (I was recently entertaining thoughts of going Hong Kong again for a short trip, and how it came to pass like that! Papa God is so good! This is what I mean by serendipity.)

It was a fruitful trip except there is a little disappointment. Fruitful in the sense that all of us enjoyed the trip and learnt quite a bit from what we saw, the layout, the interiors, the planning etc. This being the main agenda. Yet the little disappointment, besides the little time to shop, was my inability to use this opportunity to bond with my dear capable assistant. Despite the fact that we have been in a wonderful working partnership for the past 2 years (wonderful as in my own perception), I still regret to say there seems to be a wall between us, we could not really talk like good friends, although there is actually no gap, no hierarchy between us, we are equal, on the same standing, except that I have a few more years of experience than her, that's all. I always wonder, is it true that it is hard to develop a friendship out of such working relationship? Am I boring or difficult for her to talk to or relate to? Or is she too quiet? At times, I really wish she can talk to me more, and let me know her thoughts, instead of me trying to understand how she feels from her action and little speech if any, for I really hope to expose her to what she enjoys doing. But unless I know what she likes, I can only guess, isn't it? Yet I pray and know that Papa God will surely give me wisdom.

Anyway, just to give a few run throughs on the trip. Firstly, it was the walking. It has been a long time since the last time I walked so much! We have covered so much ground by walking, I believe if all these steps were added up, I may have walked from Jurong to Pasir Ris 3 times? However, the walk was still worthwhile, judging from what we saw and learnt in the process. It was a humbling journey for me, as the more I see and learn, the more I realise how little I knew. (I thank God for this reminder, only in Him, I am sufficient.)

Secondly, it was my pair of tired feet. I love and enjoy walking, and I can walk long distance. However, when compared to my last trip to Bangkok where I shop from early morning till late evening, I can't remember feeling as tired as how I felt for the past 2 days. In fact, presently my legs are still experiencing muscle ache, or was it due to my lack of exercise?

Finally, it was the shopping experience. This would be one of those rare occasions where I failed in my shopping, failing to get what I purpose to get, partly as there is truly very little time left for shopping, though we visited quite a few shopping areas. And also with a pair of tired feet, and little cash, shopping becomes a not so fun experience for me perhaps for the first time.

Yet, Overall, it is still a great trip, a good break from work, an eye opener, a time of increasing my limited architecture vocabulary, but a missed opportunity of bonding with my assistant. I am not sure if I would let my assistant read this, I doubt so, for I am very shy. Though I would use this opportunity to thank Papa God for her, for blessing me with a great co-worker, and my prayer for her would be that she too will come to know the depth, the width of Jesus' love for her. Thank you, my lovely assistant, Thank God for you.

My Beloved Family

Those who really know me know that I come from a big family, but few really know how big it is. The size of my family is a rarity now, in fact it is something that I am proud of, and thankful to Papa God. As the day of me moving away from this big household is drawing closer, and this being the first time that this huge family would be living apart, a sentimental sense of not willing to change this fact surfaces.

We, as a household, are made up of 3 different generations, and we stay in a moderately spacious house. It consists of my mom, who holds the family together, my eldest brother, myself, my second brother and his family. (If any of you out there are already speculating, let me assure you, there is no dispute in my family that requires us to live separately.) Not many people will believe, for such a large household, where there about 10 persons under one roof, (during weekends, it is even larger, as my sister and her son come over to stay, and during Christmas, the entire extended family, which includes all my other grownup nieces and my 3rd brother’s family come over) the family is most of the time full of peace and joy, I would say it is almost like an ideal family. (This happens ever since everyone of the family comes to know the Lord.)

I have 4 siblings, being the youngest. As a family, we went through thick and thin together. We had faced challenges in the past, yet all these were not able to weaken the bond but rather built up the love and trust over time. We cherish and we enjoy time being together. In my memories since I was seven, I never had a moment in life where there are no children in the family, and as far as I could remember, it is always noisy, lively and there are constant additions to the household.

My mom, my eldest brother and I are moving away next month, to settle into our own cosy little flat. Be it so, we still choose to stay close together with my other brothers, in the same district. One thing for sure, there is no longer a need for me to take a feeder bus to the MRT station, as it is just a few minutes walk away. There is no need for the 10 minutes late night walk to the 24hrs roti prata shop, as I will soon live right next to a popular food center.

On the other hand, I will definitely miss my 3 young nephews and niece, whom I stayed with for the past few years. There will not be someone who will greet me “Hao Peng You” (good friend in Chinese) when I reached home at night. There will not be someone who would fight with me for the TV remote control. There will not be someone who would share my pack of instant noodle late in the night. Thus, it seems like although I would gain some things, yet there are some precious things I can only hold as memories in the future.

How I would miss all these wonderful, simple, little moments. Yet I still believe that all things will work together for good and that no amount of distance shall be able to separate this strong bond that holds the family together, the bond being established by the love of God. Thanks, Daddy in heaven, surely You will see to it.

Blessed birthday! Heaven rejoices the day you were born! Thank God you have grown up and no longer fight with me over my food!
little lamb art

B's Birthday!

Today is a day to celebrate, as it is my niece’s birthday. I dedicate today’s blog to her as a birthday gift for she is an ardent supporter of this blog. How to describe my relationship with her? I wouldn’t say we are the closest (though we are close), but I dare say I knew her, the longest, since the day she was born (besides her parents and grandparents). In fact I played a huge part in raising her up.
Soon after she was born, she stayed with us during the day, while her parents went to work. I would describe my relationship with her then as a “love-hate” one. Much that I liked playing with her, there were times, I really disliked her. Those vivid memories of the past! I would try to elaborate a few below.

Very often, I was “forced” to give my mom a hand to put my niece to bed. She was such a difficult baby, she would not sleep unless we moved the old grandmother’s cloth cradle up and down with a regular rhythm (one that uses a piece of cloth tied unto a spring to the ceiling). But now, how she sleeps, she really enjoys sleeping! I often find her sleeping in one of our beds whenever she comes round to visit us these days.

I still recalled the day when she took my music exercise book and tore it, thinking it was a toy! I got the shock of my life! For that very moment, I felt the whole sky has fallen and I was stuck underneath it, feeling that there was no more tomorrow for me.

And how she would fight with me over my food! Let me give a little explanation before I proceed to pour out my grievances then. During those good old days, there was no such thing or shop known as “Breadtalk”, we had to buy our daily supply of fresh bread from a “roti man” who would come round the estate from block to block, from floor to floor, carrying a carton of breads, knocking on doors to see if anyone would want to buy them. (A bit like the garung guni man these days.) My mom would always get me my favourite Chinese ham bread. My niece loved the bread too. Many times, after she had finished her fair share, she would secretly climb to the table and nibbled away my share, which I wanted to save till later! I remembered how badly I cried, so hard, so upset!

There were also several occasions that I got to feed her when my mom was busy. Not knowing anything about hygiene then, since I was also just a kid being only 7 years older than her, I would bite her food in my mouth and put it back unto the spoon to feed her. Now as I think about it, it is really quite terrible and scary. Sorry, forgive me, Niece, I know no better then. I did that so that I could quickly speed up the process of having to feed you.

As she grew older, I became her tuition teacher, for Mathematics and Sciences. How I must have shouted at her countless times when she could not answer those terrible ten years series. During that period of time, I think she was quite fearful of me, because truly, I was a very stern, strict teacher. Not sure if I did help her through her studies though.

Yet today, she is already a grownup, in her early twenties. How time flies! From a saliva-dripping baby, to one who is now a kind, discerning lady. From a crying baby to one who now brings comfort to troubled kids. Even now as I bring you to walk along memory lane with me, how things had changed and how she has been transformed daily by Papa God to a fine person, from glory to glory. B, surely Jesus will give you the desire of your heart! Aza aza fighting! And a very blessed birthday to you and many more to come!

National Day

Today is National Day, a long awaited break for me. It’s been almost close to a full year since I last took a long holiday. That was last year’s August, when I made a trip back to Taiwan with my mom to visit her family. (This made me a “half” Taiwanese? My mom came over to Singapore with her adoptive parents, separated from her sisters and brother since young.) I am looking forward to a break soon, hopefully by November I can go for a 2-week holiday, to somewhere cool or cold. Anyway, this is just an idea.

Today is a family day for me. Seven of us, made up of my nieces, nephews and myself, we caught a nice, heart-warming movie “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. It has been close to 2 months since my last movie, how I missed the nachos and the smuggling of cheese fries into the theatre. I am a law-abiding citizen most of the time, except when it comes to food, I smuggled durians up the bus (I know I have a good friend who reads this blog regularly who dislikes the smell of durian, please forgive me for my little indulgence in food), I smuggled food that is not sold by the cinema into the theatre, I sometimes eat sweets, even very occasionally chew gum in the train. Forgive me for imparting really wrong values to my young nieces and nephews; this is one thing that I knew it is not good yet I still commit, because of the “sin of gluttony”.

I enjoyed the show tremendously, for it’s old fashioned family value and simple moral lessons to kids and even to parents, of not spoiling your children, not letting them watch too much TV, of not putting too much emphasis on achievement and winning, and finally the emphasis of enjoying what you already have, which is, your family, a simple down to earth story that I loved and I enjoyed greatly. If you have time for just one movie, do catch this one!

I also did something I loved to do other than the abovementioned; I saw the fireworks, not on TV but in real time. I loved fireworks, and am always thrilled by the impact, and the “woo wah” sound of standing beneath them, being enveloped by the lights and the short-term beauty. Saw one of the most beautiful fireworks I have ever seen during the opening of Esplanade. Saw several fireworks during several Chinese New Years and New Year Days. Saw the fireworks at National Stadium during the few occasions I was present at the National Day parade.

Today, I was so excited, upon hearing that there would be fireworks in several parts of Singapore, I actually dragged my mom and my eldest brother to accompany me to the nearest one to take a look. It was not the most beautiful I have seen, yet the event was still memorable, how we parked at the road side, and I stood in great anticipation for the release, not wanting to wink my eyes just in case I missed the first shot!

I love to see fireworks, despite they being so short life, yet precisely because they are so, that I tend to cherish them even more, knowing that it is a moment to be savored, and being only able to be stored in my memory. Therefore this painting above was also drawn from memory (not that beautiful despite my 2 attempts to paint them, realised it is not easy to paint fireworks), not with reference to any photos, this may not be those that you would ever see, as it is a composition inspired by several fireworks. Hope you too have a wonderful day today, either with your family or your friends, just like I did! Wish tomorrow is a holiday as well, how I envy students, for they do not have to go to school tomorrow!

I enjoy looking at Jimmy's books, and I don't deny I am influenced by his graphics, though I don't really like the pessimism found in several of his books. I learnt how to draw the tree trunk from his illustration. A strong healthy tree here, have a blessed week ahead!
little lamb art

Trees, Roots, Crowns

A colleague once mentioned to me, the crown of a tree is proportional to the volume of soil available for the root to grow, that is, one cannot expect a huge crown if the soil volume is limited. (So never expect a tree to develop a huge crown if it is in a pot, the size of the pot normally reflects the eventual size of the crown of the tree.) This was to me a very interesting discovery.

Most of the times, we only have a very superficial understanding of what we see, be it a newspaper report or a rumor, and tend to formulate our own subjective opinions from that. (I often fall into this, forming my own bias opinion.) For example, I may see a wealthy person, or someone who has a wonderful family or career, but I tend not to see the journey taken in the dark, in the closet, to reach where he or she is, instead I jump to my own conclusion. The truth is, that person may have gone through several failures before he reaches the success he has in his business. Or she may have cried several nights for her husband who was given to much wine and yet stayed with him through thick and thin, until her husband finally turned around and was touched and changed, before she has a blessed family now. Or another may have gone through dreams being dashed, and yet without losing hope in Him who is able to deliver her, and now able to stand strong and have a wonderful career. Yet how many of us bother to search out the truth behind someone else’s story, for most of time, we are pretty self-centered?

What am I driving at? Staying in the northern part of Singapore, I travel along Upper Thomson Road on several occasions, and there is this stretch of well shaded road with beautiful rain trees lined on 2 sides, which looks as if there are 2 rows of soldiers holding up their swords to welcome me like I am a royalty. (This is how I feel every time I travel along this road, so honored, and overwhelmed.) Yet for the trees to develop to such beautiful huge crowns, it takes several years, most of us would know. However, there is one thing that we never bother to find out, the depth of the roots of those huge trees. Huge trees would normally have deep roots. We only see the beauty above, but we do not look beneath the soil, at the roots. This is so like life itself. Somehow, I believe if one day, Papa God is to show us the journey in our lives, how He arranged events and paths to meet, and how accidental they may seem now, we would be extremely surprised, grateful and touched by what He has done.

Anyway, food for thought, pardon my babbling, not sure if you understand what I am trying to express here. This is just a recent thought, which I am not sure how to explain it, but still hope you can made out some sense of what I am trying to express.

Finally, just to give a short summary of how things turn out for me this past week. I was really, extremely busy. Yet Papa God has proved to me His faithfulness again. The presentation was changed from Wednesday to Friday, and the presentation materials were completed on time. Another good piece of news is my boss intends to take one project away from me (making it about 4 to 5 projects now). Not only that, he is also getting another assistant for me! How things turn out for our good! Praise God, my Jesus is surely faithful, although many times I am not sure how He is going to solve the problems at that very moment, yet He sure knows the way to do it and never fails! Isn’t He great and wonderful? Thanks to all you pals out there who have said a prayer for me too during this short, trying moment.

When I am weak, then I am strong, because His strength is make perfect in my weakness. His grace is sufficient for me, in fact, it is more than enough, overflowing! And it applies to you too!
little lamb art

Inadequate? More than Enough!

Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of doing something and you have no idea how to pull it through? Or have you ever found yourself in a midst of a situation where you wish you could just sleep through it? In cases such as this, often, a sense of inadequacy overwhelms us, propels us to step back or falter. It has been so for me for the past few days, my emotion went through a small roller coaster ride.

In my profession, there is hardly a day that goes by without any challenges. My job is seldom a routine, and almost everyday I am faced with situation I have never faced before, new design, new requirement, new project. This is a life long learning career indeed.

Often, when I looked back at such occasion where I felt inadequate, I knew that at that very moment I had lost sight of Him, my Shepherd, instead of looking to Him for help and strength, I looked at the mountains around me, and my limited knowledge and experience in handling such situation. The ever “familiar peer” by the name of “inferior complexity” crept in, trying to be my friend again, whispering doubts and fear into me, and several times, I unknowingly entertained him. Yet, I am thankful to Papa God who always sees me through overwhelming situation such as this.

Today, I reached home at 1.20am, after rushing 1 of the 6 projects, which is due on Wednesday. (Another is due today later in the afternoon. Thank God, I have a dear freelance friend who is helping me with that project. Pal, whether you believe it or not, you are a help sent by my Papa God to me. Thanks for being available when I needed help the most!) Till now, to be honest with you, I have no idea how I am going to finish my task due on Wednesday, yet I have learnt through the last few years, never was there once that my Shepherd has ever put me to shame. Therefore, being assured of this again, I decided to came home early today (this is considered early for a situation such as this) believing that there will be a miracle later. (I will keep you updated later this week on how it goes.) Strange, I actually feel fine and peaceful now!

Perhaps the actual breakthrough came last Sunday. On that faithful weekend, I brought another project home to do (not the above 2 I just mentioned), planning to do a little during the weekend, hopefully to alleviate my suffering for the coming week (due to accumulated work). In fact, I have almost finished the shopping for my home renovation except for some loose furniture now, so I was able to go home early on a Sunday, to start on this new project.

But I was exhausted! (This may be due to weeks of little rest.) I actually fell asleep at 10pm, after having just typed 2 sentences for this journal. (I woke up to shut down the computer at 1 am though.) For a long time, I have not slept from 10pm to 7am, 9 hours of sleep! (I actually wanted to go to bed now, but I am still waiting for my hair to dry.)

And you know what? At least for the next couple of days, I am reminded again, not to trust in my own puny strength. I am just going to go on enjoying my life, enjoy drawing for my blog, read my books, watch my Korean dramas, despite of all the works piling up, and watch what Jesus does for me! And friends, you too, step back and let Him do the work! Amen!