Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of doing something and you have no idea how to pull it through? Or have you ever found yourself in a midst of a situation where you wish you could just sleep through it? In cases such as this, often, a sense of inadequacy overwhelms us, propels us to step back or falter. It has been so for me for the past few days, my emotion went through a small roller coaster ride.
In my profession, there is hardly a day that goes by without any challenges. My job is seldom a routine, and almost everyday I am faced with situation I have never faced before, new design, new requirement, new project. This is a life long learning career indeed.
Often, when I looked back at such occasion where I felt inadequate, I knew that at that very moment I had lost sight of Him, my Shepherd, instead of looking to Him for help and strength, I looked at the mountains around me, and my limited knowledge and experience in handling such situation. The ever “familiar peer” by the name of “inferior complexity” crept in, trying to be my friend again, whispering doubts and fear into me, and several times, I unknowingly entertained him. Yet, I am thankful to Papa God who always sees me through overwhelming situation such as this.
Today, I reached home at 1.20am, after rushing 1 of the 6 projects, which is due on Wednesday. (Another is due today later in the afternoon. Thank God, I have a dear freelance friend who is helping me with that project. Pal, whether you believe it or not, you are a help sent by my Papa God to me. Thanks for being available when I needed help the most!) Till now, to be honest with you, I have no idea how I am going to finish my task due on Wednesday, yet I have learnt through the last few years, never was there once that my Shepherd has ever put me to shame. Therefore, being assured of this again, I decided to came home early today (this is considered early for a situation such as this) believing that there will be a miracle later. (I will keep you updated later this week on how it goes.) Strange, I actually feel fine and peaceful now!
Perhaps the actual breakthrough came last Sunday. On that faithful weekend, I brought another project home to do (not the above 2 I just mentioned), planning to do a little during the weekend, hopefully to alleviate my suffering for the coming week (due to accumulated work). In fact, I have almost finished the shopping for my home renovation except for some loose furniture now, so I was able to go home early on a Sunday, to start on this new project.
But I was exhausted! (This may be due to weeks of little rest.) I actually fell asleep at 10pm, after having just typed 2 sentences for this journal. (I woke up to shut down the computer at 1 am though.) For a long time, I have not slept from 10pm to 7am, 9 hours of sleep! (I actually wanted to go to bed now, but I am still waiting for my hair to dry.)
And you know what? At least for the next couple of days, I am reminded again, not to trust in my own puny strength. I am just going to go on enjoying my life, enjoy drawing for my blog, read my books, watch my Korean dramas, despite of all the works piling up, and watch what Jesus does for me! And friends, you too, step back and let Him do the work! Amen!
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