In the Midst of the Storm

It’s been a busy week, working till past midnight for the past few days, not just myself but my assistants as well. Finally having a little time now, to do a bit of writing and blogging, I am able to pen down my struggles and thoughts for the past week.

The last week was not exactly easy, and I got to keep reminding myself that all tasks should be born out of rest. However, as the “dateline” draws closer, I felt my principle in life being constantly threatened (my vision of not going back to office to work during weekend), with my logical mind kept telling me how can I possibly finish my work without going back to office during the weekend? Even my assistant requested to go back to work on Saturday to finish it off, though I was really grateful to her suggestion, yet I insisted a strong “No”. Because deep within my heart, I knew, if I gave in to this principle of mine once, I will have no qualms of doing it again and again in future. You can say that I am stubborn (which my old friends used to say that of me) or in a better term, firm, yet I knew especially now, when I feel the pressure most, I must step back and let my dear Shepherd takes over, and enter into rest. All the more I should rest, and let all those working with me rest as well. For surely, my Lord shall provide a way out!

I also found myself bursting into short tempers towards my new assistant, for producing drawings that, to me, are not only unworkable and almost scary, and the result is me ended up not only correcting or rather “scolding” him, but I finished the drawings for him, as I gathered it would be much faster for me to do it myself than trying to explain to him again and again. And because of this, I felt really quite bad, even to the extent of feeling guilty for being angry and correcting him, after all, he is still quite new. I went into a state of self-condemnation, memories of the past flashed through my mind, reminding me how I disliked my first employer, who happened to be a female as well, and wanted so much to quit, and fearing that I might have become like her in some ways to my new assistant. Because it is often the female employer that is most scary. (I prayed to my Lord before that if in any case I become a boss or higher in position in future, never let me become like her, help me!)

Yet today, I am finally released from this self-condemnation, after hearing that my pastor corrects his staffs. Indeed, correction and rebuke is not exactly fun to go through, yet it would be wrong for not correcting when there is a mistake, therefore I shall stop condemning myself. For now, I pray that my Lord gives me wisdom to deal with my new assistant. Help! Let him find favour in my eyes. And let him works efficiently and not becomes my burden…. For he is supposed to be my assistant, my helper, and not my obstacle! Help!

And yes, over the struggle for an ideal design, we finally have a solution. Though at several points, I still felt perhaps we should have moved into another direction, yet I shall submit to my boss’s decision, after all, he is my boss. And while the design is set to be so, I shall commit it to the Lord, and pray that the design will find great favour with all, for I knew, unless the Lord builds the house, we labour in vain, and surely we need His divine intervention and great favour!

Finally, while in the midst of all these struggles, in the midst of the storm and overcast sky I am feeling, I knew that my Shepherd watches over me closely and surely His light is shining through the overcast sky on me, lighting up my path! My dearest Shepherd, thank you that you always watch over me jealously!