Emptiness

Everything went very smoothly for the past week, be it presentation or work, and indeed Papa God has always been very faithful to me, giving me great favour despite of my inability. All that I asked was answered and way beyond, yet a strange feeling lingered on the inside of me, despite of all the external success I see and experience, there are times I would fall into a sense of deep emptiness within, and this is it.

Why is it so? I pondered. Is it because of some “non success” in one of my projects? No, it seems. Is it because of disagreement at home at times, though very uncommon happening these days? No, it seems. Is it because a last minute planned holiday was suddenly disrupted? No it seems. Then what is it? I pondered.

I have many dreams in life, and many have come to pass by the wonderful grace of Papa God. Yet at times when such dreams were realized, emptiness filled my heart, and I realized that I have fallen into the trap of pursuing my dreams, though facing challenges with His strength, and almost quite routinely or religiously going to church, reading my beloved bible, listening to sermons, (though I enjoy all these activities and such time tremendously, in fact almost all the time I relished them as luxuries in my life, and I would not trade these for anything in this world), yet I suddenly realized I missed Him…., my Shepherd….

All is vanity, and a verse dawns on me, what shall it profit a man who gains the whole world but loses his soul? Yes, I think I know where the problem lies, I need some time with Him. For Lord, I know, this emptiness can only be dispersed by spending my time with you, and nothing else would satisfy, I am tired, a tiredness that cannot be dispersed by enough sleep or rest, but can only comes from You. I know not how, but You give me the boldness to take a holiday with You, Lord. Thank You Lord.

And dear ones, not to worry, I am fine, just a little hungry on the inside of me, and a little lonely though especially in a midst of the crowd, somehow sometimes we feel more lonely in a crowd of friends then when alone? Feel that way before? Yah, but I do miss a few friends out there, some we haven’t met for months, where are all my bible study friends? Wish to see more of you and have a wonderful lunch together, than any present you all are planning to buy for me. And if you all have been very busy for the past few months, hope you can spare to spend some time with our beloved Shepherd, for He misses you.