Today I saw one of those most moving scenes on the train (why is it always on the train?). I saw a little boy, about 5 years of age, with his mom, standing by my side as the train was crowded. (Please do not ask why I did not give up my seat for the little boy as I was lazy.)
Apparently the mother of the little boy must have said something to him, which I missed as I was engrossed in my reading, maybe she mentioned that she was tired or sleepy, and the son said something that warmed my heart in that instant. He pointed at his tiny little shoulder, and told his mom to rest upon his shoulder. This did not take the mom by surprise, as she “obediently” stooped down and rest her head upon his shoulder, closed her eyes, pretending to sleep, I presume. What a beautiful moment!
It was not long that the mother opened her eyes, and the little boy who noticed this, turned to his mom, told her not to worry, as he would wake her up when they reached the station. I wished at that moment I was brave enough to capture this entire episode with my handphone, yet I can only remember this with my mind, as I was too shy.
As I recalled this incident I saw today, I began to wonder. Deep within the little boy, there must a desire that he wants to take care of his mom, and that he loves his mom deeply. Yet suddenly I saw another perspective, I suspect this mom must have done this countless times to her son, asking him to rest upon her strong shoulder, that made this little act of love almost like an everyday habit to this little boy, to want to do the same for his mom. I was moved. And as the train drew near to the next station, the mother opened her eyes, stood up, and both reached out to hold each other’s hand unconsciously, and walked out of the train.
I saw love manifested from the little boy to his mother, though I definitely must have missed those lovely scenes where the mom took care of the little boy, those countless sleepless nights, as she watched over him when he was afraid or sick, the time when she tried to feed him when he was younger, the time when she smiled at all those beautiful little kid’s clothes hanging at the departmental store, imagining his little boy wearing them, etc.
The little boy must have been brought up in an environment of unconditional love, that he wants to do the same for his mom, expressing his love for her in his little simple way. This also reminded me of another beautiful story, perhaps the most beautiful. Similarly, or rather much more, my Papa God, from the day I was born I believed, till now, He must have endlessly showers His great love upon me, even when countless times I failed to see Him. Yet now and then, there is always a desire to show a little of my puny love for Him, like the little boy in the story. His love so great makes me want to love Him more! I believe it is the same for you!
If I did not remember wrongly, should be a year ago, on this special day that I created this blog, not sure for what purpose, but mainly out of curiosity and fun, also as a place to publish some of my cartoons, and expresses my thoughts. It's been a year, and how fast time flies! Thank you for all your support for the past year, and I am actually pretty amazed that there are slightly more than 2000 hits for the past year, knowing that many comes from a few very dear ones. Many things have happened over the year, I have bought a flat, moved house, recovered from a physical infirmity, settled into my job, went to Europe for the 1st time, started this blog, starts to write more and expresses more through word and never drew so much within a year! As a result, I think I have grown stronger, only in Him, and after seeing my own inability more and more through the year, I have become more dependent on Him as well. Also, I have begun to see life a bit differently, learning to let go, and trusting my Shepherd for the impossible, and yes, a year has passed. But for the new year ahead, I hope to take a long break, for once, decided to take on a more laid-back attitude, with the idea that my Shepherd will surely provide for me, even though I still have a loan to pay.
No special illustration for today, but a change in the banner for the blog, showing a set of my recent, relaxed sheep postures. I love all these little lamb illustrations, as each reminded me of a certain small and simple episode in my life that my Papa God has seen me through. Have a blessed week ahead, hope to post a cute illustration this weekend! Stay tune!
Everything went very smoothly for the past week, be it presentation or work, and indeed Papa God has always been very faithful to me, giving me great favour despite of my inability. All that I asked was answered and way beyond, yet a strange feeling lingered on the inside of me, despite of all the external success I see and experience, there are times I would fall into a sense of deep emptiness within, and this is it.
Why is it so? I pondered. Is it because of some “non success” in one of my projects? No, it seems. Is it because of disagreement at home at times, though very uncommon happening these days? No, it seems. Is it because a last minute planned holiday was suddenly disrupted? No it seems. Then what is it? I pondered.
I have many dreams in life, and many have come to pass by the wonderful grace of Papa God. Yet at times when such dreams were realized, emptiness filled my heart, and I realized that I have fallen into the trap of pursuing my dreams, though facing challenges with His strength, and almost quite routinely or religiously going to church, reading my beloved bible, listening to sermons, (though I enjoy all these activities and such time tremendously, in fact almost all the time I relished them as luxuries in my life, and I would not trade these for anything in this world), yet I suddenly realized I missed Him…., my Shepherd….
All is vanity, and a verse dawns on me, what shall it profit a man who gains the whole world but loses his soul? Yes, I think I know where the problem lies, I need some time with Him. For Lord, I know, this emptiness can only be dispersed by spending my time with you, and nothing else would satisfy, I am tired, a tiredness that cannot be dispersed by enough sleep or rest, but can only comes from You. I know not how, but You give me the boldness to take a holiday with You, Lord. Thank You Lord.
And dear ones, not to worry, I am fine, just a little hungry on the inside of me, and a little lonely though especially in a midst of the crowd, somehow sometimes we feel more lonely in a crowd of friends then when alone? Feel that way before? Yah, but I do miss a few friends out there, some we haven’t met for months, where are all my bible study friends? Wish to see more of you and have a wonderful lunch together, than any present you all are planning to buy for me. And if you all have been very busy for the past few months, hope you can spare to spend some time with our beloved Shepherd, for He misses you.
Just a few more days, and this blog would have entered it's first birthday, time really flies, how a year ago a crazy idea just came on me and I started this, as a mean to encourage myself to draw, and in fact, I had truly drawn, close to 80 number of illustrations have been published. The time spent drawing them was a time of reflection, enjoying the Shepherd, and a comfort to me, especially during those occasions when things did not seem to go very well. Now and then as I flipped through those illustrations, I could remember the stories behind them, and how many times the Lord has been ever so faithful. These illustrations have become my picture diary.
After two really hectic and almost crazy weeks, I took upon myself to make sure I had some good rest, with the double good news that the past week came with a public holiday on a Friday. Yet, I must be out of my normal mind that I actually signed up to help out with my church's game activity on a public holiday, a bit like the famous "Amazing Race" game show, but this one was based in Singapore and we were to travel by MRT. Instead of resting physically, I ended up with ache in my leg muscle. Despite of that, it was truly quite fun, getting to know more people (something I am always very shy in doing), and most of all, I felt almost like a kid again, away from the normal "hyper" serious work environment.
And for yesterday, I simply rest completely at home, watching TV, resting from the ache, do a bit of work and research, and end off the day having a family dinner at my brother's place, which I had not done for the past few weeks. The simple pleasure in life. And today being Mother's day, I had a simple dinner with my mom at a restaurant, though both of us were not very satisfied due to the long wait. Now as I look forward to the following week, I felt I have rested, all thank to my Shepherd, to face the week ahead, resting in His rest.
You too have a blessed week! Actually, I am a bit reluctant to publish today, as I felt like keeping today's illustration for another day, just in case I am too lazy to draw during "another day", yet then... This illustration is only suitable for today... And yes, I am looking forward for a wonderful day to have a simple rest away from the every day chore in life, just like the above illustration (which was inspired after watching the concert last Wednesday)... soon, very soon.
A week of long working hours, from 9am to 1am, was finally over, and I felt despite of the apparent “hardship” of design, I thank my Shepherd for actually carrying me through it all. It was not exactly easy, a mixture of enjoyment, stress, under pressure, lack of sleep and confidence hit me throughout the week. The pressure was self-imposed, at times forgetting that I am just a little lamb whose task in life is just to follow the Shepherd, and all the while I was trying so hard on my own to build my dream, forgetting that Jesus is the only one who can fulfill a lifetime dream. Lord, only You, Lord.
When it was finally over last Wednesday, I was so tired, I felt I could almost sleep anywhere, yet I dragged myself to watch a concert that I have gotten the ticket earlier on, thinking that the likelihood of me sleeping through the concert was extremely high. The wonder of all wonders was, I came out of the concert, so refreshed, so awake (my Shepherd must have given me a super fast recharged), that I finished drawing 2 little lamb cartoons before I went off to bed on that same "awake" day (as it overshot into the next day technically speaking if based on proper calendar and time), and the above was just one of the two.
As I looked back, I wonder how I would ever have come through it all without Him. I wonder where did all the strength and energy came from to fulfill the insurmountable task? I wonder, but finally I cast it to Him to take charge, for unless He builds the house, I labour in vain, and yes, only Him alone I rest.
Just a short note today, thanks for all of you, dear ones, who have kept me in prayer during this time, and most of all thank You Lord, that You look beyond all my faults and short tempers, and continue to bless me and love me, for I have been made the righteousness of God through You, and You alone. Thank You.
It’s been a busy week, working till past midnight for the past few days, not just myself but my assistants as well. Finally having a little time now, to do a bit of writing and blogging, I am able to pen down my struggles and thoughts for the past week.
The last week was not exactly easy, and I got to keep reminding myself that all tasks should be born out of rest. However, as the “dateline” draws closer, I felt my principle in life being constantly threatened (my vision of not going back to office to work during weekend), with my logical mind kept telling me how can I possibly finish my work without going back to office during the weekend? Even my assistant requested to go back to work on Saturday to finish it off, though I was really grateful to her suggestion, yet I insisted a strong “No”. Because deep within my heart, I knew, if I gave in to this principle of mine once, I will have no qualms of doing it again and again in future. You can say that I am stubborn (which my old friends used to say that of me) or in a better term, firm, yet I knew especially now, when I feel the pressure most, I must step back and let my dear Shepherd takes over, and enter into rest. All the more I should rest, and let all those working with me rest as well. For surely, my Lord shall provide a way out!
I also found myself bursting into short tempers towards my new assistant, for producing drawings that, to me, are not only unworkable and almost scary, and the result is me ended up not only correcting or rather “scolding” him, but I finished the drawings for him, as I gathered it would be much faster for me to do it myself than trying to explain to him again and again. And because of this, I felt really quite bad, even to the extent of feeling guilty for being angry and correcting him, after all, he is still quite new. I went into a state of self-condemnation, memories of the past flashed through my mind, reminding me how I disliked my first employer, who happened to be a female as well, and wanted so much to quit, and fearing that I might have become like her in some ways to my new assistant. Because it is often the female employer that is most scary. (I prayed to my Lord before that if in any case I become a boss or higher in position in future, never let me become like her, help me!)
Yet today, I am finally released from this self-condemnation, after hearing that my pastor corrects his staffs. Indeed, correction and rebuke is not exactly fun to go through, yet it would be wrong for not correcting when there is a mistake, therefore I shall stop condemning myself. For now, I pray that my Lord gives me wisdom to deal with my new assistant. Help! Let him find favour in my eyes. And let him works efficiently and not becomes my burden…. For he is supposed to be my assistant, my helper, and not my obstacle! Help!
And yes, over the struggle for an ideal design, we finally have a solution. Though at several points, I still felt perhaps we should have moved into another direction, yet I shall submit to my boss’s decision, after all, he is my boss. And while the design is set to be so, I shall commit it to the Lord, and pray that the design will find great favour with all, for I knew, unless the Lord builds the house, we labour in vain, and surely we need His divine intervention and great favour!
Finally, while in the midst of all these struggles, in the midst of the storm and overcast sky I am feeling, I knew that my Shepherd watches over me closely and surely His light is shining through the overcast sky on me, lighting up my path! My dearest Shepherd, thank you that you always watch over me jealously!
Today I saw one of those most moving scenes on the train (why is it always on the train?). I saw a little boy, about 5 years of age, with his mom, standing by my side as the train was crowded. (Please do not ask why I did not give up my seat for the little boy as I was lazy.)
