Letting Go

Letting go has never been easy, if you know what I mean. In fact, I believe all of us are holding on to something in our lives, refusing to let go, be it a wayward son, a broken relationship, a treasured dream, a heart-broken memory, a broken heart… if we have lived on this planet long enough, we would have accumulated some of the above to some degree or another.

Through the years, I have learnt to let go in some areas, slowly though. As the revelation of my endless longing, or my holding onto something amount to nothing, but rather my letting go, and placing them in my Shepherd’s big powerful hands, will surely come to pass, I begin to slowly open one finger at a time, learning to trust Him and let Him take charge.

I must have a special love for drawing hands, besides my little lamb series, as you can tell if you have followed this blog “religiously”, the above is another of such series. Indeed, I have a dream, a dream that seems so close to being fulfilled, that I nurse it, guard it carefully. A dream which is at the beginning, a gift from Papa God, yet as the days went by, I began to take full ownership of it, trying to take it out of the hand of Him, relying on my own effort to fulfill it. I forgot, I forgot that it was from Him, I forgot that if it begins from Him it has to be done through Him and ends with Him, I forgot…

Yesterday, I was feeling a bit down as I walked to my bible study, not because of anything that happened in the day, in fact, the presentation that I was preparing for the past week went pretty well, and should be a thing to rejoice in, yet I was not feeling that way. In my short journey there, I could not put a finger to the problem, just not sure why. And I reminded myself, I walked by faith and not by sight, not by my feeling…, trying to brush that aside by rationalizing the problem, yet the feeling of emptiness stayed irregardless.

As I stepped into the main auditorium, with the sounding of the worship song, a mental image was suddenly formed, I saw my hands in His hands, letting go, letting go of the dream I held dearly in my heart…. Letting go, for I know this very well through the years, for unless the Lord builds the house, I labour in vain, and I refuse to do anything out of my own puny strength, even if there is any. A peace flooded my heart. Indeed, to me “letting go” is never easy, especially a longed for dream that seems so close to being fulfilled, yet I know deep within myself, Papa God needs no help, and He only wants me to trust Him, without Him, I can’t do anything.

Papa God, forgive me, I know you already did long time ago, yet still, forgive me for forgetting, for trusting in myself, I put it into Your hands hereafter, only You Lord. Only You can.