Day dreaming, running away

It has been a busy week, not that I have to work late every day, but there were so many things to attend to, there was hardly much time to sit down and do some decent design work. What I dreaded most was all the administrative work that I have to do, emails to write, calls to be made, and overseeing the work to be done to meet "datelines".

Suddenly I felt as if I have gone back in time to about 8 years ago, when I was working as a teacher. As I recalled those days, not that I disliked teaching (in fact, teaching to me is such a noble career), but one thing I hated to consider then was, as one became a more experienced teacher, one ended up with more administrative work and lesser time in teaching. This was one area that definitely put me off quite a bit and still baffled me. Why would anyone in their right mind allow someone so skilful in teaching to go into more administrative post?

Have I also become more "senior" and "experienced" in my work? I dislike to think so. I definitely did not like what I did for the past week, and I would not like to do this for a prolonged period. The reason why I enjoyed my job was most probably I enjoyed the process of digging deep into a design brief, exploring new possible ways to the design, etc, rather than delegating the favourite part of my job to others, and I ended up running around coordinating the work, etc. Selah.... A deep sigh.... And when I finally find some time to do my design, it was already past official working hours. I ended up putting in some "not-up-to-par" design solutions, which only my Lord knows... And an empty feeling begins to emerge from the inside; produce for the sake of producing, no longer really enjoying it, but rather as a task. This is definitely not the kind of lifestyle I seek. For I know for sure that the blessing of the Lord makes one rich and adds no sorrow with it.

And as I behold those people above me, to be honest, I am not in the least envious of them. Being so fully occupied everyday with meetings, coordinating, networking, etc. I just want to be true to myself, engrossed in what I always like to do: design (the stubborn me at work again...), leaving everything to Papa God to take care, as I know He sure knows where to put me, at the right place at the right time.

Perhaps it is precisely such time that my dream break seems more and more essential to me, an occasion for me to "escape" from all these realities, into His arms, and to seek Him. A time to step back and rest. Lord, I really really dislike all the administrative work, help me out of them all! Papa God, deliver me out of this! Only You can! Thank You Father.