Perhaps not many people who knew me know that I actually was a teacher before I became an architect, I hope to write about this little chapter in my life, a year of “self exploring” and risk taking, that till this day, I have no regret! And perhaps you too can take a little risk if you are at a point of indecision.
I believe everyone will ponder on the question “Is what I am doing now really what I want in life?” at one point or another. For me, it was architecture. It is a very long, tedious course, and to be honest, although I enjoy this job now, I would still advise all young people to really think through before stepping into it.
Architecture used to be a double degree course, which means, we had to pass one basic degree before we could move on to the next. Besides, we had to go through a 10-month job attachment between the two degrees, thus the entire process took 6 years to complete. (These days they shortened the process to 5 years with no year out attachment.)
As far as I could remember, I was a “high achiever” since teenager, that is, one who believed strongly that by sheer hard work and diligence, one could overcome any obstacle and achieve any goal in life. (Nowadays, I still fall into this trap occasionally.) It was only during my university life, that my theory of “hard work = good result” was completely overthrown. I saw peers putting in less effort getting great results. I saw peers who could not meet “datelines” (this is my prefer way of spelling it these days, because there is nothing to be “dead” about, so what if you miss the line, it’s not life and death!), yet extension of time was given to them while I struggled to get all completed on time! In those moments, I felt it was totally unfair and great injustice to the whole system of education!
I realized what amount of effort I put in does not correspond to the end result I envisioned to receive. It totally breaks Newton’s law of motion “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. This was truly the first time in my life that I felt utterly defeated, almost giving up on myself, not knowing that this was in fact the road to success, as total abandonment of self achievement would actually produce more result than sheer hard work and self effort! (I only knew this later on in life.)
With great disappointment, after I have gotten my first degree, I began to look elsewhere, especially in areas where I thought I could excel. I left architecture totally. I went into teaching, thinking it was a nobler job than architect and it seemed a greener field! While serving as a teacher, there was this constant unrest and almost continual sadness and disappointment, not that I was not performing in my teaching career, just that there was this great emptiness within, as if something was missing and unfulfilled. Daily, I dragged my feet to work, and I was actually extremely sorry for those kids I was teaching, that they had me as their teacher. I am not putting down teaching here, just that I was not made for it, but I followed the general common trend (join the teaching career) and move on like everyone else was doing and I was miserable. (I still think teachers are noble! And it takes a special breed of people.)
I knew deep down in my heart, I wanted to go back and complete what I have left undone. This was the first time I really get down and have a good talk with PAPA on this issue, and for the first time, I asked Him to put a passion in me if I was to go back. And that He had to redeem all my wasted time of 1 year due to my own making!
I went back and I discovered that architecture was really quite fun after all. I no longer do it for others’ sake or for results; I do it as a personal enjoyment. Taking the view that since He put me back at it, He is held responsible for the end result. To cut the long story short, till today, I still thoroughly enjoy myself in this job except for the long hours. As for the “wasted” year, it is not so anymore when I looked back as it actually put me into the right perspective, a year of discovery, a precious life lesson learnt, that is, all things will always turn around for our good as He is always faithful!
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