My Self Portrait

How can an aspiring artist cum cartoonist not draw some self portraits? So the above is my humble attempt, I am cute isn't it? (don't puke please.)

You must be really surprised to see this posting so soon, early part of the week, on a Tuesday. I thought this will be a great way to allow my smile to be permanently imprint on the screen, since one of my colleagues keep commenting how "forced" my smile looked at times, especially when I seem hyper "stressed" or busy. So here it goes!

In fact, I was thinking maybe I should take this opportunity to write a bit on myself, not to mention that I have always been writing on myself, and I bet you pals know me more through this blog than the past few years put together. Yet, I would still attempt to do so here, perhaps for the first and the last time. So please bear with me for this little elaboration.

I am a very shy person. I am afraid to express myself verbally in front of others, but I can express myself slightly better in words and pictures, that is why I attempt to write. Yet, people around me may think of me as a rowdy, fun-loving person, as I dislike sudden silence moment, and when such moment occurs, I will always either try to make fun of people, make a fool of myself to draw some laughters from others, or try to make people talk. However, many a times, when friends are alone with me, especially when it is one to one, you will find me extremely quiet, and that is me. I don't open up my feelings to people very often, and if I do to anyone, that one must be a very dear dear friend, yet I am a pretty good listener. But I speak to Papa God all my ups and downs, for this is the very private "little lamb", me. But I am a bit blunt in speaking my opinions, people often described me as either very "true" or too "straight" (in Chinese).

I am also very conservative, the typical old-fashioned Chinese, who believe strongly in moral values and strong family ties, perhaps due to my upbringing and all the Chinese and Korean dramas I often watched.

I am not very fussy, and a not "into detail" kind of person, I don't really triumph in details, but I am a more big picture person, and that makes me very "man" in most of my thinking, sometimes I think people around me may think I think and work more like a man than a real man. (I am female, for your info, if you don't know.) I even shop like a man, very focused. One can attempt to distract me, but hardly anyone succeeds. Sometimes, I am so focused, I wish I can be more distracted, especially in terms of work, being task oriented, I tend to neglect people's feeling at times. So if I did offend anyone in the process, I wasn't intentional, just task oriented.

In a nutshell, I am a person with many faults, and uncountable imperfections. Nothing much to boast about, but one thing glad to always remind myself, I am still a beloved "little lamb" of God, His beloved child! Hope you see a bit of light of who I am from this! Shalom!

What A Sunday!

It’s already quarter past 12, and I am still here, writing. It is simply amazing how yesterday, Sunday passed by.

I just came back from an office’s cruise to nowhere. More a “strategizing cruise” for the future of the office. Initially, many of us were quite apprehensive about all the meetings we are going to have on board. Yet, looking back now, it seems pretty short and little, in fact, a bit too little, and that most of the work to be done were the directors’ part. I almost felt we did not really achieve the objectives of the trip. Anyway, this is just my opinion, and since this is my blog I am entitled to my own opinion.

Much can be said about today, this was an unusual Sunday to me, that I actually only attended half a church service. I rushed to church the moment I hit coast, knowing that if I were to attend a later service, I was sure to be really tired, with even shorter attention span and concentration ability, and that was why I rushed straight to church while I was still bright and cheerful after the cruise… and some of you must be asking, why don’t you just miss once? And you know what? I couldn’t, I couldn’t help myself. I need to recharge, and this is the place where I can always feel “fully charged” after service, and knowing that I have a long week ahead, and many challenges await me, how could I let it pass? Therefore this is my reason. I love listening to sermons, and I think this is also the secret formula to be efficient at work for the following week.

Anyway, having only slept for less than 5 hours for the past few days, the prized item today was my bed, the thing I longed for, my queen size bed…. After having slept on a smaller than single bed, on the upper deck with little headroom on the ship, this was a great relief to me, and suddenly I felt and realized how blessed I am, which I actually never knew of cherishing until now.

And yes, all my dear colleagues out there, my dear cabin mates, I have a great time with you all, pardon our little differences and thanks for the guitar, it was a nice little time we have while we waited for our turns for the bathroom. And also the Taboo game and the silly game I taught you all “chop chilli chop chilli chop chop chop.” But wasn’t it great fun? And suddenly we were all back to childhood? And pal, watch out, don’t you dare show people all my funny shots!!!!! I will definitely from this day forth, lengthen the time of my smiles at you!

And all readers, pardon me, no picture today, as I am still a bit too tired even after a 2-hour nap. Will definitely post a picture soon this week! Good night!

Once Upon A Time

Who can shout, jump, run and even publicly display the most intimate behaviour without being ashamed or still remain oblivious to the onlookers?

The other day I was on the train on my way home, intending to spend the journey home catching a short nap, after securing a seat. Much to my dismay, before I could do that, I heard the loud conversation, almost shouting from 2 young sisters, age about 4 and 7 years old, swirling around poles, running from one end of the cabin to the other end, treating the cabin as a children’s playground. We, onlookers, all of a sudden, became props in this new found playground of theirs. As both parents are seated far apart, they try to catch their attention by shouting, being totally indifferent to the surrounding.

It was not too long before they finally gotten several empty seats, and the whole family sat down together. This was when the next outstanding scene took place. (In fact, during the entire trip, there was no dull moment, simply by watching them.) The sisters were obviously greatly in love with their parents especially their mom and vice versa. With no sense of awkwardness or uneasiness, they started displaying their love for their mom, trying to force kisses upon her.

For a moment, they were the stars on the train, everyone’s eyes were upon them, watching their every move and speech. Yet, the look displayed on every onlooker was not a look of disgust, but of envy and smiles, with me included as well.

It was truly a beautiful sight, a heart warming Kodak moment, perhaps almost unforgettable. Just then, a question popped up, when was the last time we did this to our own parents? It seemed so far away, almost like “once upon a time”, it must have taken place before.

And just a little sidetrack, isn’t this what Papa God wants us to be before Him, to be totally oblivious to our surroundings, with our eyes only on Him, He being our Person of interest, and Him alone? How difficult it seems at time for us to come to Him like that, yet it is easy when we start to see ourselves as His beloved little children, which in fact is what we really are in His eyes.

You Are Welcome

I am always glad to know that my dearest Shepherd is always with me especially now that I have moved into my new place. I just had a small cosy housewarming with my family members on Saturday, and then I realised my place is really quite small, it seems pretty crowded when all come home. Also, all my dear friends out there, not sure if any of you would want to come and visit, you are most welcome.
little lamb art

Eventful Weeks

Last 2 weeks were truly eventful, and I do not wish to go through the same kind of schedule for the next 3 years if possible.

We did not employ any professional mover, anticipating that it should be pretty easy to move, since we did not have much furniture, only my computer and a 17 inch TV being my 2 biggest possessions. However, much to our miscalculation, all the smaller items, making up largely of books, clothes, toys, and other stuffs that we have never foreseen, were quite a large quantity, and that it actually took us more than a week to move them with my brother’s van, making an average of 2 to 3 trips a day, and perhaps 5 trips or more on the weekends.

On top of that, there was still the strenuous work of having to unpack, tidy up, and the unfortunate event of seeing my computer “homesick”. It actually “dieded” on me on 2 occasions even after repair, and that the technician had to come twice to attend to it. It must be seriously “homesick”, perhaps it will be soon for me to part with it, in a year’s time or so. Before that, I had to backup all the data and especially all my illustrations and mp3s.

Besides, it was also one of those extremely busy week at work, the week before last, when we were moving boxes over from the previous dwelling, that I was unable to attend to most of the moving, as several nights were spent in the office, rushing for presentation. An as soon as there was a free night, I got to make an effort to rush home to pack and unpack.

And then there were new emerging challenges, of getting used to the new place (for me is less but not so for my brother), sleeping on a new bed, meeting new neighbours. Most are well except for the neighbour’s “dirty” cat, which has the habit of urinating along the common corridor. I am not an animal hater, but I am definitely an environmentalist, being in the building line, especially against environmental pollutions of any kind. There are already “crazy” thoughts such as complaining to town council or even contemplating “extreme” measure of putting a “poisonous” fish outside my apartment, and if the cat “happened” to come over for its daily routine, that is it. (This is just a hypothetical thought, please do not take it seriously or use this to sue me, it is just a joke.)

And I really dislike wires now, wires of any kind, so many different machines and gadgets to fix, that I actually spent so many hours putting them together, even after reading all the manuals, etc, I could still get them wrong! Anyway, I just finished from a 4-hour long laborious war with hooking up the wires for my new dvd recorder and scv cable. I almost wanted to call up SCV to get them to send someone over to solve it, until I realized that I did not know how to use the remote control correctly. Now I have 4 remote controls on my TV console, it is really confusing, why couldn’t man simplify things? We have so many gadgets to do so little things, and Papa God is able to use so little things to do so many things! (To illustrate my point, refer to “Air” as an example.)

Yet in the midst of every cloud, there is always a silver lining or in another way of putting it, as I always say, “serendipity” event. Try to make a guess before you go on reading.

My long break is finally here, and the news of it came as a very pleasant surprise, and to be honest, I am extremely grateful to Papa God upon hearing the news. Remember a few journals ago, I was lamenting for a good break, and I was shocked how fast He answered my dream. I will be away for a 2 to 3 weeks break in October to November, many thanks to my boss. He was invited to attend a seminar in Italy, and since he was so busy, he actually recommended me go instead, what a blessing! And of course, when he asked me about it, how can I say “No”? And he had also graciously expressed that I could extend the stay on my own if I want. And why not? It was a part of the world that I never thought of going yet so soon, in such manner. Thanks, boss, you are the best, but I do not hope you will get to read this, just in case you get too puffed up. And sorry boss, for that 3 week leave I am applying, there may be quite a few things that you may have to handle personally while I am away.

And thank to Papa God for a co-worker pal who has kindly agreed to tour Italy with me. At first I was a bit apprehensive of traveling alone but not so now, with her around, thanks pal, I wonder how many times I have thanked you in my blog? You are a dear gift from God to me.

Meanwhile, from now till then, you will still see more of me here, in cyberspace.

Side track: I hope to bring along my sketch book and watercolor if they are not too heavy and be inspired, and hopefully use some of those sketches for the blog after that. Thanks again for you all, for always being so patient with me. By the way, what a long journal this is, you can see how much I missed it!

Finally...

I have finally settled into my new place. The past few days were really eventful, and I guess I would probably take the next blog, a proper journal to write about it. I am just updating a little now, just in case I lose all my friends and dear readers or "secret admirers" out there (Just a joke!), in case all of you think that I have given up on this blog.

So many things have happened, and I would just update on one, my computer was homesick, as the way my colleague has put it, and therefore it went to the hospital for treatment for 1 day, how I missed my computer, that I actually felt like "mourning" for it. I was intending to update my blog on Tuesday, after I have gotten my broadband on Monday. However, it just wouldn't start properly on Monday night, and there it went for servicing. Then I realise I must treat my computer with care, as it is already old, according to my computer surgeon, as the harddisk is considered old after 2 years.

As for the housewarming, I am not so sure, on the one hand, I wish to share my new home with dear ones, and on the other, I am really afraid of receiving more gifts, after I have forced myself to throw away quite a lot. Friends, forgive me, I have not much choice for throwing your gifts away, as all the new shelves are already exploding with stuffs. However, friends, if you would like to visit my place, drop me a line here, I am just "shy" to invite you directly. Definitely, I would hope to invite you all.

Pardon me for not posting any drawing today, as I have yet installed several of my essential programs. In fact, today, the moment I reached home, had my dinner and shower, I checked my emails (over 40 numbers) and am writing this blog now, so I believe all of you would understand, as I know you all are the most kind. I would definitely try to post a nice, wonderful blog this weekend, so stay tune. Thanks for being so patient and supportive of this blog. Thanks.

Still in the Process

I am still in the process of packing, about 80% of my stuff has been moved over to the new place. I didn't intend to write actually, yet thinking that it will still take about 3 days before I have any access to internet from home, I thought perhaps I should write one more journal today, before my pc is transported to the new place tomorrow. And I will be staying in the new place from this Sunday onwards.

Nothing much I want to express today, just a little picture to cheer everyone up, a different rendering of a similar drawing that I posted several weeks ago, not sure if you can recall. Hope it brings a smile to your face when you see this picture (one of my works last year), just as it did to me when I was drawing it, thinking about how Jesus would think of me, how His table top would be if He has one, etc.

Meanwhile, i have many things to update and write about, but I think I would save it for the next journal when I would have finally settled down, I suppose. Have a great restful weekend ahead, while your friend here will be exercising her muscle and patience in moving the rest of the stuffs over.

All dear friends out there, I may not be posting for the next couple of days, as I am in the middle of moving, and my pc will not be ready for internet connection till middle of September, therefore, I have published this little picture to keep you warm and remind you again of Jesus' love for you, how much He cherishes you and holds you in His bosom. Meanwhile stay warm and don't forget about this blog, even while your friend here may be "absent" for a few days. Do "visit" me still. And by the way, this is one art scene that I hope to draw again next time, in ink, pencil and also in the "lamb" series, so stay tune.
little lamb art

Packing

The process of packing to facilitate the moving has finally begun. I suddenly realized that I have so many things to pack, just within the 4 walls of my small bedroom. Then I discover that packing itself is an art, an adventure and a journey down memory lane.

Over the last 5 years while I stayed in this room, it has never dawn on me that I have accumulated so many things until today. These are not merely made up of just books and clothes but toys, bags, cds, vcds and dvds. Enough to open a mini rental shop, I presume. Even after packing about 5 big bags of stuffs, I am less than half way through my packing.

Packing was not an easy task, not to mention the strenuous effort required to undertake such an activity, but harder are the decisions required to be made in deciding to throw away items or to keep. Dilemmas strike me several times during the process. Several items were gifts from friends, and I regret to say, I threw away a few gifts, some of my toy collections and books. This was a painful process, but one has to be really decisive and courageous to do so, in order to move on. Therefore, to me, it is an art.

It is adventurous as while I am packing, I began to discover things that I never knew I have, or they have already been out of my mind for years, and indeed it was a really pleasant surprise for many of the items, realizing that I actually possess them, especially my cd and vcd collections, for instance, I actually didn’t know that I have bought some of those music cds at all, and quite a number are still left intact in their plastic coverings, waiting to be unwrapped.

Lastly, it was a sentimental journey. Many of the things I saw reminded me of those pasts I shared with my family and some of my beloved friends, and while looking through those old photographs, those dried up leaves and stones given by friends as souvenirs, those coke bottles and cans, those Mac Donald’s toy collections, it felt like the past was only yesterday. How I have queued overnight at Tanglin Mall several years ago with my friends and niece to collect those Hello Kitty toys. And what about those beautiful seashells? I bought them during my art trip to Malaysia with my secondary school classmates, and several subsequent trips oversea, and it again evokes the love I have towards seashells, their beautiful forms and colors, and how they reminded me that Papa God must have recreated them in view of us enjoying and appreciating their beauty. And the many birthday and Christmas gifts, such as photo frames, stuff toys, etc etc. How beautiful are many of those memories.

Packing is also a time of spring cleaning, perhaps not just physically but also mentally, how things have changed and perspectives and opinions have differed over the years. Things that I once loved may no longer be so precious anymore, and things that I used to view as not that precious has now become something to cherish and for safekeeping. Guess I will still be going through this process of spring cleaning for the next couple of days, and friends, do cheer me on while I move on, tiring yet pretty fulfilling, or do you want to try it for yourself and see if it is true, by giving me a hand?

Thank You

Thanks for all the support for this blog, now that it has received 1000 hits ( something that I have been looking forward to, and this happens within 3 months, this was quite amazing to me), what a “milestone”! On this journey of writing this, although I have lost much precious sleeping time, I gain a lot in the process. From the beginning, I endeavoured to publish twice a week and with my pretty hectic schedule, this proves to be a great challenge, yet it was never a drag or burden, but a moment of reflection, thanksgiving, discussion and point of contact with my friends and loved ones.

Twice a week I would ponder on what to write, what to draw, hopefully something refreshing, light hearted that brightens the day. You might have noticed that for every article there would be an accompanying drawing. However, perhaps for the 1st time so far, no picture is published today, but a new background is prepared for you. Why this background you would ask? For green represents newness of life, therefore this marks a new beginning in my life, a new chapter for the blog as well.

Indeed, many new things are happening around me and I am still trying to reconcile with this fact. My flat is almost done, and I would be moving in, in 2 weeks’ time. Sudden moments of emptiness fall upon my heart several times for the past few weeks, and caught me by surprise, as this would be the first time that this huge family will be staying apart, and I would be living away from my beloved little friends, my niece and nephews.

On top of this, new challenges face me everyday in my work, projects that I have never done before, a sense of stepping into the realm of the unknown overwhelms me and yet great expectancy of something exciting awaits me as well. I felt as if I am moving into a new phase in my career.

Just as there are climatic seasons (though we cannot say much about this in Singapore), there seems to be seasonal changes to life itself too. Seasons of meeting different group of people, establishing different types of relationship, and this is just one of those seasons I felt. Different circles of friends come and go, not that we are no longer friends, but some who used to be so close seem so distant now. Those days when I would normally hang around dear friends after church service for prolonged lunch sessions, or wonderful times at the karaoke, or even a really late night movie seem so uncommon these days. Is it because everyone is busy or is it due to my inability or my “busyness” that hinders me to catch up with them? I ponder.

My “long time ago” planned trip to Melbourne to visit a dear dear friend is long due and over, and has been postponed several times. Not sure when it will truly come to pass. I hope soon. Somehow I knew deep within my heart, my dear Jesus is silently reminding me “let go, and go enjoy a long good break”. Truly it is time to rest, guess this break is long overdue. The long overdue break should be fulfilled in a month or 2 after I have finally settled down in my new place and I should be flying off for a holiday. Meanwhile, I will be casting all my cares upon Jesus, for He cares for me. Soon, my break, soon. Yet He is my true break now.