朋友

昨天与一同学美术的中学同学一块聚餐。我们也已认识了二十出年了吧！说也奇怪，同班也不过只有两年，而自从毕业以后，我们也最多一年见上一两回面，但大家的感情还算蛮好的。当中也有好几位已彼此成立了非常要好的友谊。不需常见面，但一旦见了面，便有谈不完的话题，这就是朋友的定义吧！

当中有许多也已成立了家庭，生儿育女。大家也在不同的领域努力，有的离乡背井，有的还在执著与美术有关的行业，有的则为家人奋斗，各自怀着不同的目标与目的努力生活。也只有在象昨天的那种环境里，大家一同约好停下脚步，歇息一下下，聚一聚。

其实我还蛮珍惜这群好友。回想十几年前吧，我时常在那时祷告，希望这群朋友有一天也会了解与接受耶稣对他们的爱，我恳切地祷告与祈求着，因为我过去的想法很单纯（其实现在也是），只有这样，大家才能做永永远远的朋友。这也是我唯一不敢自私，自己独享的礼物。

今天也以华文书写，因为有一位老同学看到我上周也用华文写我的Blog (布罗格？)，数落了我一番，是乎不敢相信我还会用华文书写，这就是我，不肯认输的我。虽写的不好，不过我还是写了！朋友，服了吗？希望有一天你也会和我一同去教堂。我们有约哟！

感激

已三个月没画画了。也许是工作回家后都已觉得蛮累了，根本提不起劲，头脑似乎也空空的，没有什么灵感。

前几天收到一份包裹，第一眼还以为是好友寄上他们的画展请帖，所以也就没立即打开来看。（朋友，不好意识，当时真的有一点累。）洗澡过后，打开一看，原来是一本几米的书，一本曾听他们问我有没有买的书，如果没有，想送我。我之前也还以为他们是开个玩笑，没想到他们真把书给寄来了，好感动！朋友，谢谢你们，你们旅行还好玩吧！我是蛮喜欢这作者的书，但时常觉得他的书太感伤了。这本道出他的图书的故事来源，我在短短的几天就要看完了。谢谢你们的鼓励，有好朋友真的好幸福。

也因为如此，今天破例，我用华文书写，表示感激。我真的很享受画这些小图画的过程。但也许也已画了快三年，有一点累了，我开始想突破，画出一些能改变人的小图画。我的意识是，我开始贪心了，希望它们能带一点点快乐给悲伤的人，掀起一点点希望给放弃的人，让人看了心理有股温软涌上心头。我没打算改变世界，只希望朋友看了脸上多了个微笑，多了点勇气，这就是我的私心。也许也就因为这样，我开始想认真的改进我上色的方法，并认真的想想自己应该如何继续。

I finally touched my paintbrush again today, and finally painted one of my sketches that I did months ago. I really enjoyed the process, thanks, friends, the "book" encouraged me to pick up the paintbrush to paint again. And yes, I will not be posting much work these days, I am thankful to Daddy God, that this blog has started me drawing again for the last 3 years. Many sweet memories evoked in the process, and many of the works posted here have been my practicing ground, as means for me to improve and experiment. I enjoyed this blog, and enjoyed drawing for this blog, however, it has come to a point that you may hardly see new work now, not that I have stopped drawing, no worries, I will continue, because this is what I love to do, but I hope to keep them to myself first, maybe occasionally will share some here.

The above will mark almost the last artwork for this blog for the meantime. A piece that I greatly loved, but I wished I did it with shadow effect to express the depth I wanted to create, may touch up someday. This is one piece that I did not actually want to publish, but think it is good to end with a favourite, so here it goes. I think I will still continue writing though. Cheers. Jesus loves us!

Sweet Memories

It's been weeks since I last wrote. Chinese New Year is over, and since my trip back from NY, the pace of life seems so fast. One doesn't seem to accomplish much, though a lot of things are waiting to be done. Although I did not work late, yet upon reaching home from work, I tend to just want to sit in front of the TV rather than before my laptop.

Recently, I seem to be flooded with lots of old memories. My godfather, he used to be my neighbour, visited me every 3rd day of the Chinese New Year. I, being the youngest child in the family, with all my siblings so much older, even my youngest older brother and I are 11 years apart. I used to love standing outside my neighbour's house, as they have 5 girls, and every time while I stood there, I always hoped they would open their door to welcome me in to join them in their games, be it cooking, game of pretending, playmobil, etc. That was when I started wanting my Dad to buy me more toys, perhaps subconsciously, I hope my neighbours would want me to play with them because of my toys, I sounded pathetic...

I did have a great time though, playing with them. That few years broadened my ability to imagine, as we played so much of the game of pretending, and legos and wooden blocks and manjong to make houses etc, and how all those experiences have translated me to enjoy architecture now. As I got closer to them, they made me (actually my mom asked) their goddaughter and that is how our relationship lasts till now even after we had moved house about 20 years ago. Sweet memories. Thank God for them, that I have great childhood playmates.

For the past 3 weeks, I caught up with 2 old friends, both from university. In fact, I hardly spoke 10 sentences with one of them in school then, I believe. Yet, how strange divine destiny works. We happened to meet last year at a wedding, realizing that she might be my colleague, and since then, we have been keeping in touch regularly. And now, only recently, I met up an old friend too, how we have lost touched for so many years, though we did briefly met 2 years ago. I believe in God's restoration, time of renewing old friendships, time of putting away old prejudice, time of starting afresh, learning to change the way we used to think, allowing Daddy God to make a difference in our lives, and learning to accept others just the way they are. Learning to wait, and to accept things as they are, though not necessary what you want them to be, but trusting Him that all things work together for good. Cheers.

This week shows one of my favourite recent works, it was done about 3 months back, I loved it so much, I was quite reluctant to show it in this blog, except that I have not completed any new art work. The thing about me is I love to keep what I like most quietly to myself including my artwork, for own enjoyment, and this is one of those, it seems a little "lonely" at first, but it isn't so. I love it, the serene and quiet starry night. Show you the actual picture next time!

P.S. Actually I wrote this a week ago, but wanted to add a little more before publishing it, but I was so busy that it took me till now (2 March 08) to look at it again.

Home at last, Rest

Touched down yesterday. Slept whole day yesterday, jetlag. Went to work with lots of things to rush before Chinese New Year while running a high fever Today. Doctor said "Office wouldn't care about our health, I should just go back home to rest." Anyway, didn't listen to my doctor totally, went home only at 3plus, after meeting. (Fear crept up, what if I cannot meet my dateline next week, cos of all the Chinese New Year break? Already arranged for meeting, how can I not appear and be on MC when I was the one who requested for the meeting? Drawings need to be sent out today before our holiday break. Etc etc.) Ponder. Is this the kind of life I really want? I "flared" up Today for the first time since I returned to work last year. Sign of stress. Selah. Rest, rest, rest. No more the old way of doing things for me, I need to rest in the Lord in whatever I do. Grace grace.

I shall post some cute illustrations soon, did quite a few before I left for NY, but they are all not coloured. Had a great flight back home, pardon my ignorance, for the first time, I took a direct SQ flight back from NY, it was so spacious even for the economy class! There is a continuous supply of snacks at the snack counter. The first time I felt I travel "in style"! Praise the Lord! All airline economy seats should be like this! One don't feel that bad or uncomfortable due to the long 18 hours flight because of the comfort on the plane. Thank God! Okay, time to go and let my body rest again...body must be tired out due to the extreme weather difference and having to adjust to all the time difference, etc. I go rest now, so as to enjoy my Chinese New Year holiday! Cheers, I am alright! Blessed Chinese New Year!

Coming Home

I am heading home tomorrow, praise the Lord! I missed our hawker food, mee siam, you tiao, etc etc... I have been taking sandwiches for lunch for several days, I simply cannot understand why one would want to eat cold sandwiches in winter... I miss home cooked food, miss church, miss home...

However, the trip is fruitful, learn a lot, not in skills per se, but rather learning to work with others... (I know all along I am not an easy person to work with, for several reasons, for the good of the project, wanting to be efficient, having pretty high standard, wanting to complete as much within a short time, little patient for slowness, okay, okay, all these are excuses.) I did enjoy the process this time, all praise to the Lord again.

Finally caught a musical today, or rather yesterday, since it is already past midnight. We just bought any reputable musical and watched, my colleagues and I, with me sort of influencing them to watch with me. We watched Mamma Mia, one that I didn't manage to catch when it was showing in Singapore. It was cool! We had a good time! This caught me sort of addicted, to go shopping tomorrow or should I watch another musical (hopefully The Lion King) before I rush off to catch my flight back. Guess I will know my final decision tomorrow, likelihood is both! Cheers, see you all back home soon!

A Few Days More

Into the second week working here in NY, I am still adjusting to the time difference, the cold weather, the waking up in the middle of the night. The hardest being working with total foreigners. Speaking English to foreigners seems to make me tongue tied, though sometimes I felt I seem to be right, due to my limited vocabulary, I ended in the wrong, selah. Grace grace. A time of learning, to be calm and collected, almost every moment having to look to the Lord for direction and strength to stay cool.

I am going home early! I got my flight changed to an earlier date, praise the Lord! (Hopefully I can finish my work on time though.) 3 days before Chinese New Year, instead of the original 1 day before, so I should have enough time to catch up on my sleep. This time round, I didn't have much time to see NY, and have yet watched my musical, though I did bring my colleagues on a short condensed tour in NY, and catch up with an old friend shopping. (Come to think of it, actually quite fruitful in many ways except the material part, as in shopping, as I hardly buy anything this time round.) So dear ones back home, see you all soon during Chinese New Year, and I crave for my Chinese New Year goodies! Keep some for me! Cheers and Shalom!

4th Day

I have been here for 4 days. It is really quite cold here, though it has not snowed since the day we arrived. Work has been busy, though not exactly like working OT everyday, but lots of eating with local working partners, brainstorming and getting used to the working culture locally. Fighting the jetlag is no easy task, I am pretty alert in the middle of the night, waking up at 5am only after 4 to 5 hours sleep, and feeling drowsy in the afternoon while working, even after being here for 4 days, still adjusting.

Work has begun, though still much waiting to be done, I have tentatively asked for early flight home if possible (hopefully reach home 2 days before Chinese New Year, still on waitlist). It is a pretty steep learning curve, working in a totally different culture, working with totally unfamiliar people (this is my main difficulty), coping with pretty incredible timeline, yet Daddy God has indeed see me through thus far.

Tomorrow will be a day of seeing NY again, now in winter, and perhaps do a little shopping and or catch a musical, while bringing some of my nice young colleagues around since I have been here before, hopefully I will not end up showing them the wrong direction... grace grace, wisdom... cheers! Send my regards to my loved ones back home! Jesus loves us! Know that I am well and healthy!

Back to NY City

I reached New York after a long 24 hours flight. Travelling to this part of the world is not exactly fun to me, mainly due to the long flight, especially when one is restricted to a tiny seat and time seems to have travelled backwards by 12 hours. (I had 2 breakfast meals in a row, one before transit at Frankfurt and another on my way to NY, scary!) I will be here for 2 weeks, working, and I am already missing some good Chinese New Year goodies.

Of course, one can keep focusing on the negatives, and lose sight of what Daddy God is doing. Therefore this must be recorded down. All thanks to Him, we were greeted on our first day of arriving in NY with a snowfall. We had a light snowfall after we reached our hotel, and we are indeed quite excited, though it was not huge enough a fall to make snow balls and snow man. (This being my secret desire. Previously it was raining and not snowing...according to my understanding.)

To be honest, this trip was pretty rush for me, and I had made no plan as to what I would want to see this time round, since I had saw most of the stuffs I wanted a year ago. Therefore my free time here (if there is any, perhaps weekend), will really be free, hopefully indulging in a musical, visiting art galleries again, or spend some time reading in Central Park. Selah.

Dear ones, don't miss me too much, this time round I am likely not buying things for you all, since it is not a tour but work trip. Whoever is free, call my mom and tell her I am well, typing this blog to pass time, so as to sleep a little later in order that I will not wake up in the middle of the night. Cheers, my Shepherd with me always! Will keep in touch this way!

Slowly moving ahead

3 weeks! December 07 was really a very busy month, shopping and preparing presents, planning Christmas parties, be a "photographer" for my niece's ROM using a fully automatic digital camera! (Cannot believe this, thank God for a good auto camera.) And finally when all were completed by New Year's eve or so, I was exhausted, and rested from updating this blog till now. The last 3 weeks were total indulgence, watching TV, shopping (for myself now), and working etc.

Today I was reminded of a thought I had several months back while I was walking home. How strange it is, have you every ponder on the fact that when 2 unknown parties are walking in opposite directions, that is the only opportunity for them to see each other's face. When 2 unknown parties are heading in the same direction, they never really get to see each other's face, perhaps only the back profile. Just a thought, nothing philosophical (actually a little). Perhaps only in life when we meet people moving in contrary direction to ours, do we really get to know one another? Just a thought. But the moment of encounter is very short and should be cherished. It is also an opportunity to learn to see things from other's perspective, a growing and humbling process.

The above is a colour pencil/water colour sketch I did several months back, during my resting period, finally decided to post it here, as I did not have any completed work for quite a long time. (I do have a few sketches but I have not sat down to colour them yet.) I really enjoyed my series of silhouettes, that series of work was done with more attention to detail, unlike the past, which also marked a change in my attitude towards my work perhaps, now to do everything with enjoyment and skill, at a slower but detailed pace, while at the same time picking up new skills to improve my works, to be good and skillful at what I am doing. Lifelong learning... selah.

Wish all a Blessed New Year! May you have a wonderful 2008 with the Lord, our Shepherd! We shall not be in want!

Blessed Christmas!

This marks my 201 postings on my blog, amazing "achievement" since I developed a habit of writing since 2005, coming to 3 years in a few months time. Which means I must have drawn close to 200 illustrations within these few years. A time to look back and a time to look forward, yet not forgetting "Now". I had a little party with some friends recently, asking each what the year 2007 has meant to them. Yet, when it came to my turn to share, I was shocked that I was not at all prepared, was it that I was so busy with all the Christmas shopping? I pondered.

I love giving Christmas presents, I can't give a reason why, but just simply love it, especially for family members, it is not a "have to give " but a "want to give". I was indeed extremely busy, for I only really started shopping for gifts for my huge family in December. I would normally do my shopping even as early as October, November previously. Friends questioned why I needed so much time. So perhaps I would give a little account here. I endeavour to buy something or make something that hopefully will bring forth a little smile in the receiver, something that the person may not buy for herself/himself, but would love to have it, which is what I would always hope and pray to get in most of the Christmas presents I buy or make, though I can't say I got it right all the time. True, I also don't deny that there are times I give for the sake of giving, those politically correct cases, in those cases, then the gift is really gift exchange... I am sad to admit that I, too, has at time fallen into this trap. This year I have decided not to be doing so too much, and therefore, my gift giving has reduced substantially. I also don't like the fact that people has to return my gift because I gave them. I gave without expecting anything in return, though I do share the same attitude that I should return gifts if I receive any. Why can't I just receive freely? Selah.

This may explain a little of our attitude towards the best gift ever given to us, our Saviour, Jesus. I used to feel indebted, unworthy, wanted to repay the gift. Yet, there is no way we can ever repay His limitless goodness towards us, perhaps the best way is to simply receive and make Him really happy by doing so! This is the real reason for this season, our Saviour came to give His life for us more than 2000 years ago.

As for what 2007 meant to me, it is really a year of lots of ups and downs, mentally, emotionally... not easy, in fact pretty tough, lots of learning and much humbling process, I believe I have grown a little, may write about it another time if I feel right about it. Meanwhile, Blessed Christmas and our dearest Shepherd, Jesus, loves you and gave His life for you! People all over the world are celebrating this day, but let us not forget the reason for Christmas! Cheers! Merry Christmas!

Magnifying

I heard quite an interesting sermon yesterday that further confirmed what I discovered last week. Recently I had a brush with the police. I discovered a puddle of water (smell like urine) on my mom’s slippers just outside my house. It was not raining that day and my neighbour’s cat was walking along the corridor. It must be the cat again, I concluded. (Though I didn’t see the actual act, but this is not the first time it had occurred.) Being the very vocal me, and someone who would always seek for justice, I went knocking on my neighbour’s door, asking them to come and take a look at it, while at the same time taking photos of the cat loitering outside and the puddle, as evidences. (Pets are to be kept indoor and not outside, according to SPCA, I called up to check last year, asking what I could do to solve this issue.) The neighbour didn’t come to take a look. What surprised me much later was that the police came knocking on my door, and I felt as if I had done something really sinful by vocalizing the urine issue, and “disturbing” my neighbour, who made a report on me. Selah.

I spent almost 2 hours resolving this with the police, and when I sat down before my laptop last week, I complained it to the first available person on msn who tried to chat to me. I got a listening ear from my niece. One thing I did notice was that the more I talked about it, the more frustrated I was. (For the last 1.5 months since I started working, I was really happy and thankful to God that I had not erupted in temper at work, a breakthrough, when a few months back, I was constantly at the brink of erupting almost every single day. This event marks the first such occurrence for a pretty long time.) For half of the next day, I was still sort of sulking over the issue, felt much injustice being done. Over lunch with a colleague, I was pondering if I should complain again about it to another person, just to get some sympathy. (Though right within my heart, I heard a very clear voice saying to me to stop talking about it and let go.) Yet, I still chose to tell my colleague, but much to my disappointment, she said I should just let go. (Because if I would to complain to SPCA, the cat might be put to sleep, which was not what I wanted to do.) Sigh, this time a totally audible voice almost jumping out of my heart, from my colleague’s mouth.

I am not taking this channel to complain about the cat incident or what, but to point out a truth, a very powerful phenomenon I noticed since, that is, when you are angry or frustrated about something, the only way out for us for not pondering on it, is to stop talking about it altogether, this is the way to let go. I realized the frustration increased as I talked about it, verbalized it. This incident brought me a few months back when I felt burn-out. I actually fell into the trap of self-pity when I vocalized my stress to my friends. The more I shared with them how I felt, the more I felt I was stressed out and burn out, and the more I felt I was doing the right thing with my lousy attitude, thinking that I deserve to behave like this. How powerful it is when we vocalized something, it seems magnified several times. This can be used for both good and bad.

If you don’t believe me, try it, talk about something you felt mistreated or angry with, see if you become less angry or actually more frustrated after talking about it. Trust me, one tends to feel worse. People who are hurt tend to repeat their stories, although many a times, they said they had already let go and forgave, yet, the fact that they were narrating their misfortune again and again actually suggest otherwise, that they have not fully let go of it, to set themselves free. The way to let go is to stop talking about it! And vice versa, talk about those things that you want to magnify, for example, our beloved Shepherd, and He surely becomes bigger in your sight! Cheers!

Architecture Reawakening

I had attended one and a half day of architecture forum for the last 2 days. It is interesting to hear from different architects and what they perceive architecture as, some almost as art, a few as business, some almost humanitarian while others experimentation. A few fell into the trap of just showing the end products, while a few concentrated on their thought processes which are far more interesting. One is pessimistic about the future while another shows design as if of science fiction. I did enjoy myself in most of the lectures, except I come to one conclusion, many architects, even myself, tend to lose focus on the main reason for architecture. We spend so much time crafting our crafts, creating a work of art, indulging in the thinking process, in different methodologies, but sometimes we forget the one main agenda, “Man”.

Aren’t buildings created for humans, the most basic agenda? Even if we go to the extreme of designing a zoo or a pet house, nature tells us animals don’t need human made houses, they are more than capable to find their own shelters. Zoos, pet house, whatsoever are created for the enjoyment of “Man”. Therefore, architecture is about man, fulfilling the needs of man, more than just aesthetics, visual, though I don’t undermine the latter, yet these are by-products, in my assessment. Architecture has to revolve around the end-users, the comfort, the ability to improve the quality of human lives, and if possible touches lives, the latter being most idealistic. Whatever methodologies we employed are just means to an end, and as an architect, we should never forget the main agenda – “man”, sacrificing this aspect for aesthetic is purely pathetic and irrational. Yet when we satisfy the needs of the man, not the ego part, the likelihood of accidentally creating a piece of art that touches lives is extremely high.

I was much inspired by the presentation of the roof house in Japan. A small simple single dwelling unit, centralize around the daily living routine of a family who loves to have meals on their roof, and this thereby creating a piece of architecture that is very genuine and sincere in my recognition. To be honest, I have seen this piece of architecture before in magazine, but it never touches me until I heard the architects presenting it, seeing how the spaces are used, the engagement of the end-users with the building is what attracted me the most. Now I see this single dwelling as beautiful, a beauty that is inherent rather than visual, this is architecture with a heartbeat. I saw the same concept applied to a kindergarten by the same architects, interesting how the children love the premise, how spontaneous the children play in such an environment. I can’t say both buildings are beautiful as beautiful per se, but they sure touch me deeply, a beauty that is unseen.

Those slides I saw at the lecture that stay on my mind till now are those with people interacting with the architecture. We architects love to take photographs without human beings in them, I am guilty of this too. Yet, isn’t architecture about human beings? I repent. Architecture is more than just an artform, it is a tool of improving human lives.

Hope I didn’t bore you all with this, just a thought, to remind myself a simple truth. Just as I begin to discover in my simple Christian walk, in my many side tracks, I finally realized everything is still centralized on my dear Jesus, after running one huge circle. I would say the same for architecture, it is not just about context, methodologies, aesthetics, detailings, programme, etc, though these are important, but it is more on the “human” aspect. And as we take care of this aspect, the others are just means to an end. You can choose to differ from my thoughts, this is my blog and I have a right to say what I felt is right. Selah. My architecture reawakening.

(The above illustration is titled "Standing on His Finished Work".)

Success & Burnout

It’s been quite sometime… I went through a small ordeal the last week, was it food poisoning or stomach flu, I am not sure, and I don’t care to find out more. Just knew that my body temperature went up and down and my digestive system seemed to be working at a very strange pace, I could not sleep at night, and yet too tired in the day. It was quite a bad experience, thank God for healing and that it was over. Life is slowly getting back to normal.

I was trying to finish a book and finally it was finished, not that I enjoyed it greatly, but there are surely some interesting things to learn from it. There are 2 portions where the author was talking about “success” and “burn-out”, the later was something I am interested in, since I had had a taste of it 8 months back. He said one of the things that intensifies burnout is a lack of willingness. And this willingness depends on resting, allowing our soul and our spirit to be refreshed and replenished, before we can give our all.

How true! Memory of those burnout days swept before me, I felt depressed, overworked, not restful, and most of all, unwilling to do the things I was doing, and that marked the beginning of entering that terrible few months. Now that I am at a state of being able to look back and laugh, I can understand the issues clearer, perhaps the steps to be taken to avoid falling into the same state also become clearer. Before we embark on any undertaking, surely we need a willingness to do it.

Next is about “Success”. What does each of us deem success as? Perhaps, as a student, you see it as having good results. As a working adult, when you receive your promotion and a pay rise, or being appreciated. As a parent, your children listen and obey you, and that you bring back more than enough bread for them. As a businessman, you clinched the best deal in town. Yet all the above seem so temporal and shortlived. Therefore we continue in our pursuit of what we deem success day in, day out, and we work harder and harder, rarely do we say enough is enough. We fall into the trap of getting the world’s ideas of success: fame and fortune, power and pleasure.

That perhaps was what I was pursuing unconsciously, unknowingly, slowly I was falling into the world’s system, thinking the more I achieve, the happier I would become. Selah. The book was good in this aspect, the author brought the focus back, if we are to analyse carefully, what we really want in life is contentment, fulfillment and satisfaction. This is real success.

Just sharing some thoughts, today’s writing sure sounds serious. Anyway, make a guess of the illustration above. Have a blessed, full of peace, week ahead!

A Day At A Time

Yeah, it is a public holiday today! Didn't quite understand its significance for the last 6 months when I was resting as there was no difference then, until I started working again. Working life is like heaven since, and I pray it will always be, and I realise running project that is on construction actually isn't that bad, it is quite fun for the past few weeks, seeing what I designed slowly materialising, though there are many areas still need improvements, yet in the process, I learnt what to design and what not. Running a site project is more focused, doing one thing at a time, though I still love designing. Anyway, I am doing this supposedly for these few weeks only, but perhaps, I should consider doing this scope of architecture for a change, life seems less hectic and more focused. Selah. (Though I still love poring, searching and thinking over a design concept, it is like uncovering a mystery, and when you find it, there is a joy unspeakable. And I still love drawing, and drawing and drawing plans, imagining spaces, visualising how it looks like in my mind.) Yet, my Shepherd knows what is best for me, live and enjoy a day at a time.

Didn't have much to write for now, learning to talk less, hear more, just felt that I should upload the illustration, so here is the "Dancing on the keyboard" cartoon for this week. It was completed quite a while back, somehow it has a very "Christmasy" feel to it. Praise the Lord, Christmas is just round the corner, and I am really excited about it! Time for Christmas shopping again!

Right Place Right Time

Today a most appropriate incident to describe as "at the right place at the right time" happened to me, I was almost "in tears" when it happened, which I would want to record it down for future reference. Today, as per normal (for the past 2 weeks), I knocked off on the dot, and headed to take a train home. There was a faulty line from City Hall station to Marina Bay station, and the north bound train platform was swarming with people, I had a huge shock when I saw the crowd. Wanted very much to get a seat and read in the train, I would sometime take the train that is Marina Bay bound (south bound and then loop back to north bound), which would take me an extra 10 to 15 minutes to reach home, but it does not really matter as compared to having a seat to rest.

Realizing my hope was dashed when the announcement said that the next train going to Marina Bay station will take an hour to resume service, and right before my eyes, the north bound train platform was of an unsual huge crowd, I decided to take the west bound train to Raffles Place, hopefully I could at least get up the north bound train, at an earlier station before City Hall. Upon reaching there, the crowd was almost as large as the City Hall's crowd, standing right outside the gates waiting for the north bound train, and I have almost no chance to go any where near the gates, therefore I ended up standing near opposite (the east bound) gates instead. Just as my heart was about to feel disheartened, the most miraculous thing happened. An announcement pronouncing that the train at the east bound gate (the door was widely open, and the train totally empty) was leaving for Jurong East via Woodlands (going north bound). I could hardly believe what I heard. This had never happened to me in my many years of train taking experiences before! I got in, grabbed a seat, and got my little dream answered right at that moment. I felt I was literally being at the right place at the right time! People standing at the "rightful" gates came rushing in, but only manage to get standing spaces. Not to mention people at City Hall can hardly get into the train.

At that instance, seated at my miraculous seat, I felt loved, privileged. The beautiful confession came right into my heart at that very moment, "indeed I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus". I was almost touched to tears at that very instance, thank You Daddy God. Right place right time.

Lala Land

I am still in a state of living in Lala Land for the past week, working seems so surreal, working life for me seems to have a180-degree turn from the past too, may it continue to be so... but I cannot further elaborate.

I met a few very interesting people for the last few weeks and cause me thinking. The first was my hair stylist, he finally started out on his own with his wife in a neighbourhood salon. Small and not as posh as where he is working, but there is a sparkle in his eyes when he talks about it, when he is working in it, it is like a dream that he cherished for years has finally come to past, and his joy rubs off on me. I am really happy for him. Though he worked 7 days a week with no rest, yet he said he loves it and is going to at least gives his dream a try while he is still young, I admire his courage.

The next is a gardener I met when I went to site. He was alone watering the roof top garden when I went to take a look. And he told me before I came, he was alone with God, taking care of God's creation, I see a joy in his eyes, insignificant perhaps to many people of the task he is doing, yet he takes pride in it and is happy.

The third person I met a few days ago was an old university schoolmate, I visited his office, where he started out on his own, a one-man office, working 7 days a week, sleeping perhaps 5 hours a day. I asked him if he is tired and why work so hard? Yet, he displayed no tiredness or frustration, but the same sparkle in the eyes appears. He went on to show us his work, his handmade little models, his funny little stories with his clients, again his joy rubs off on me and I am really happy for him.

I saw on TV the making of Rainie's latest album a few days ago. I am not a fan of hers, but I can see the hard work, the long hours put in, but yet they enjoyed it tremendously and the pride they had working on it. I also have a friend who once told me she cannot imagine doing any other thing except what she is doing now and she is very thankful that she is able to do what she likes, despite of little sleep and even rushing over weekends.

So I pondered. Was it our attitude towards what we do that causes us to be joyful, I think I should be quite close to the answer. Perhaps this could be the answer to my frustration in the past, I might not have understood how to enjoy the moment in the past, my everyday endeavour then was always to finish my task, thinking then I would be happy once I finished it, postponing my joy to the future rather than enjoying the moment. I still cannot totally understand why there are people who can be so happy in what they are doing despite working so hard, with such long hours, but I am beginning to see a bit of light. My Shepherd works really long hours too, as He would retreat to the mountain late at night to pray after He sent His disciples and the people off. (Though I still do not like working long hours, haha.) Only my Shepherd can change my attitude towards life, to learn to enjoy the process, enjoy life, enjoy the tasks the Lord has given (with no long hours).

Hope you like the above illustration, this was inspired by the Taiwanese drama "Corner With Love", copied a little of it. Cheers, yes to another lazy week ahead!

Interestingly

I was awakened by my alarm clock at 7am, and in that twilight zone between consciousness and unconsciousness, I thought it was weekday, time to awake to go to work, before it finally dawned on me it is a Saturday, after I tried recalling what was yesterday. I suddenly realised how ingrained my habit of not being mindful of time must have been as there was no more difference to me between weekdays and weekends for the past 6 months, except perhaps Sunday when I tried to wake up slightly earlier to get ready for Church. Amazing! I was still in unbelief this morning!

Thanks to all the friends and dear family that smsed me or left me emails and messages of encouragement, with prayers for my new day at work. One dear friend even took upon herself to be my alarm clock, sending me a morning call at 7am, thanks dear, so touched! Those are great reminders that I am deeply loved, not just by my Daddy God but family and friends, thanks to you all, you know who you are, and you all are expressions of my Shepherd's love for me. Cheers.

It is good to start work on a Thursday, because before I knew it, here comes Saturday, and I love weekends! It was quite a strange experience for the past 2 days, boss was not around, almost hardly anyone knew I was supposed to be back to work except my team mates (happy to be of low profile, yet a bit "sad" cos the equipments necessary for work was not even in place, but then it also means I don't need to really start working yet, haha, silent laughter). The funniest or almost deja vu thing is, I went back to the exact seat I was seated previously, I could hardly believe it myself till now, even though my boss did briefly mention that to me. It only registered in my mind the moment I sat down, and all those flashes of the past flooded me right before my eyes. (Somehow this blog today sounds very poetic.) Past projects that I left off undone slowly come back visibly before me... Selah... (This pause is extremely important, cos it means time to have a deep conversation with God... ) Fleeting thoughts of those "scary" last few months seemed to reenact right before me. Selah.

Just then, another dear boss whom I also worked with came and welcome me, it was a mixed feeling... on the one hand, I was quite touched, yet on the other, I was at a great dilemma, I was and am still hoping that I can make a clean break with some of those projects I used to do... Yet his kindness towards me may cause me to again of not knowing how to say no... Selah. I need God's wisdom and grace for this. Interestingly, my first 2 days at work seem quite a good start, I knocked off almost exactly on the dot, no need OT, but lots of reading to do... God is faithful.

Despite of it all, and all that I mentioned above, strange to say, I was and am so very at peace, even now as I write, this past 6-month of rest did have a great effect on me afterall. In the past, I might have been deeply troubled, or flared up silently within (oxy-moron scenario). Yet, strange to me now, I was pretty happy, joyful and still laughing at what was going on around me, still in a state of Lala Land. Selah. Thank You Daddy God, for somehow somewhat I knew He is still in control and things will turn around. I have learnt a little since, my provision does not come from the job I hold but from my Daddy God who loves me with an everlasting love, for I neither lack nor hunger for the past 6 months, moreover, I even went for holidays, did quite a bit of shopping (but at a more self-controlled manner), still have good meals, movies etc. Amazing.

As predicted, some still asked me why did I return? I thought perhaps I should settle this once and for all here, I return not because there are no new open doors, my Daddy God has never failed me, I was spoilt for choices. I return cos I just felt like returning in my heart, there is no reason other than that. I am not one who weighs pros and cons, I don't know how to make decision by pros and cons... I made decision in life with how I feel with my heart most of the time, and when moments friends see me indecisive, is because my heart is also unsure and no clear direction is visible, that is why. No reason, just follow my heart, and even if at the end of it all, I may have seemed to make a wrong move, I am still not afraid, He is always with me! Cheers.

Hope you like the above answer to last week illustration, the beloved lamb asleep in His presence, knowing all is well. I like the above illustration more than the one below.

The End Of My Long Vacation

Tomorrow marks the last day of my long vacation. (I have actually extended it for a few more days.) For the last few days, perhaps unconsciously, I was trying to squeeze in as many activities as I can, especially those that I wanted to do before I enter into a normal working life again, and trying to move towards a "nap-less" daily routine slowly. It is not easy though.

I had a few very relaxed days with a friend at a resort, to the extend of almost doing nothing. I had finally today fulfilled my promise to my nephew of a visit to the History Museum. (I am really tired, looking after 2 boys isn't that easy actually...) I am still reading those books I had bought recently, I doubt I can finish them all by tomorrow (a few of them are really good though, can't bear to finish them so fast). Still have a painting I wanted to paint but has yet started... Our Seven By Five website to update but yet to find time... Hoping to bring my mom for a holiday but yet able to get her to agree to go... Many dvds that I bought but yet to watch them... Still, it is time to work, for what I initially wanted to have was a 2-month break but now it has extended to a 6-month long break instead.

I can foresee that it is going to take me quite a while before I can get used to working again, after all, it has been 6 months since I last worked. Perhaps the most challenging part would be to wake up at 7am daily, to have dinner later in the night, to change my routine lunch porridge diet back to rice or noodle, to concentrate in doing one thing for a long period without any nap in between, etc. Next perhaps will be those "does not matter" people who will "bombard" me with endless questions of why I am returning to work, and what I have been doing for the past 6 months... Perhaps I should also come up with a perfect answer now to meet the demand... (just a joke, I pray this will not have to happen.) In fact, this was not in my consideration when I made my decision to return, yet now it has slowly come back to "haunt" me. Anyway, my Shepherd will answer them all. But still, dear friend (you know who you are), why do the firm you join need no OT? That is so unlike architectural firm! Come on, there must be something they are doing right, do let me know, I want to learn and implement... Miracles do happen and will also happen in my case. Selah.

Not sure what to write, cos having quite a mixed feeling now, wanted to rest more yet on the other hand, I do feel a little excited to start working again, and at a slower pace as agreed, praise the Lord!

Guess what the above silhouette is about? Will reveal the truth next week! My Daddy God is so good and my Shepherd, He never leaves me! Cheers!

My Loving Mom

The above illustration is the answer to last week's silhouette. I still prefer the effect of the silhouette, so calm and yet contrasting. I am dreaming of compiling this series of silhouettes and put them one page after another in a book, it sure will be fun... just a thought, just another dream for the future.

I am going for a short retreat with my friend this week, the above illustration has really come to pass, amazing... (Think it will happen, so long as I go and pay up tomorrow, everything will be confirmed...) This would be the first time I am going holiday with my long time friend... We are sure going to have a good time... talking... walking around... reading... fellowship... Praise the Lord! It is good to end this 6-month long break with a retreat... (perhaps 7-month long would be better?)

How strange I started off this week with "Monday Blues" despite of the fact that I have yet started work. My mind is again working extra hard... worrying... I am again procrastinating, perhaps I should rest and play for another 2 weeks? (Even to the extent of pushing it till next year...) I am just a step away from asking for permission to do that when I voiced my idea to my mom this morning, and for the first time, she actually said the longer I rest, the lazier I would become... Despite the fact that she is always very supportive of me... I guess she cannot stand it anymore, thinking that I have rested enough? Sigh... She is going to miss cooking and having lunch with me for sure... very soon...

For the last 6 months, I am really thankful to Daddy God that I have finally spent some quality time with my mom, we have breakfast, lunch and dinner almost everyday of my long vacation (actually about 75% of the time). I know her daily routine so well now. I know when she will be back from market, what time she will prepare lunch and dinner, what is her favourite afternoon TV programmes, what time she goes to church every Wednesday. I see her thriftiness on herself, but spoiling me with wonderful breakfast, delicious home cooked lunch, and prepared-with-love salad dinner. I see her always concerned about the wet clothes not able to dry if there is a weather change, what she has been reading in the bible recently, what she would use to carry the grocery from the supermarket, her red trolley... etc etc...

A Mother's love, is always amazing, and is expressed through the little actions and thoughts... always selfless, and all for the children... Our Daddy God's love's the same...actually much more!

Sleep

I am ending my 6 months long vacation in 2 weeks’ time, how fast time flies! I can’t remember the last time I had such a long rest since I started going to school. I had not even dare to dream of taking a 3 months break before, not to mention half a year, and yet, unknowingly, I have done so, and enjoyed it greatly.

There were occasional fear, housing loan, bills, my love for shopping, etc that will crept in suddenly and caught me worrying in the past few months. Yet all this while, I lack nothing. Occasional voices of self-condemned will arise, asking myself what I am doing, drawing, resting, reading, holidaying, sleeping… every such activity in itself is without fault, but when one is not strong, one may fall into condemnation, seeing oneself as not being responsible, and short of an answer to give those who asked me what I am doing. Yet, thanks to Daddy God, this did not happen very often, for this much needed rest is so so GOOD! Even now I am already procrastinating on the date I set to start work!

I did things I did not have time in the past for and enjoyed myself so much, yet if one is to ask me what I have accomplished, I have nothing to boast, as I can’t really put a clear list up, though one thing I know, I finally saw my priority in life, it takes me so long to discover, and only discovered it recently, at the end of this long vacation… I thought I knew it along, but little did I know, I only know it in the head and not in my heart. I relished and cherished every waking moments these days, nothing matters more than the one thing, enjoy my Shepherd. I have 2 weeks left, and I have already laid out plans on how to use them… perhaps the BESTEST thing I ever did this 6 months, read, read, read! I had so much fun the last 2 weeks doing just that!

Today, I read a wonderful article by Yeomans, “He Giveth His beloved Sleep”. When I was working, I hardly find time to catch naps in the afternoon, not even during weekend, as I considered it very wasteful to be spent on such “inactivity” activity. There were also times I felt terrible about napping during a precious weekend, in short, I am a person who does not know how to rest. During these 6 months, I napped quite a bit in between activities, yet there are still occasional moments I felt bad for “wasting” time like this. However, one thing I know, I hardly have problem sleeping, except a few months back when I was worried about my work. Indeed, I am very blessed always with good sleep.

Why did I mention that article then? It cast a ray of light suddenly on me today, not that I never read and study this verse before “He giveth His beloved sleep”, just that I never saw it in this light before. His sleep is a gift to one who is His beloved, and the fact that one can sleep is a sign that that person is His beloved, the one whom He loved dearly. I just woke up from a quick nap after a morning of reading, and I continued with my reading with this beautiful chapter by Yeomans, and suddenly, I am caught by the fact that I must be so loved, cos I can sleep so easily and I had just received a gift of sleep a while ago… got my drift? (Of course, everything need a balance, I do not mean you sleep all day and do nothing, as Solomon said, a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands …so shall your poverty…)

Anyway, He giveth His beloved sleep! I pray that everyday as you awake from your sweet sleep in the morning, know that you have just received a gift from your Shepherd, and with this gift, He is telling you that you are His beloved, cheers!

(PS. I love the contrast in the silhouette, I love the beautiful sunset, I like this illustration, hope you too!)