Interestingly

I was awakened by my alarm clock at 7am, and in that twilight zone between consciousness and unconsciousness, I thought it was weekday, time to awake to go to work, before it finally dawned on me it is a Saturday, after I tried recalling what was yesterday. I suddenly realised how ingrained my habit of not being mindful of time must have been as there was no more difference to me between weekdays and weekends for the past 6 months, except perhaps Sunday when I tried to wake up slightly earlier to get ready for Church. Amazing! I was still in unbelief this morning!

Thanks to all the friends and dear family that smsed me or left me emails and messages of encouragement, with prayers for my new day at work. One dear friend even took upon herself to be my alarm clock, sending me a morning call at 7am, thanks dear, so touched! Those are great reminders that I am deeply loved, not just by my Daddy God but family and friends, thanks to you all, you know who you are, and you all are expressions of my Shepherd's love for me. Cheers.

It is good to start work on a Thursday, because before I knew it, here comes Saturday, and I love weekends! It was quite a strange experience for the past 2 days, boss was not around, almost hardly anyone knew I was supposed to be back to work except my team mates (happy to be of low profile, yet a bit "sad" cos the equipments necessary for work was not even in place, but then it also means I don't need to really start working yet, haha, silent laughter). The funniest or almost deja vu thing is, I went back to the exact seat I was seated previously, I could hardly believe it myself till now, even though my boss did briefly mention that to me. It only registered in my mind the moment I sat down, and all those flashes of the past flooded me right before my eyes. (Somehow this blog today sounds very poetic.) Past projects that I left off undone slowly come back visibly before me... Selah... (This pause is extremely important, cos it means time to have a deep conversation with God... ) Fleeting thoughts of those "scary" last few months seemed to reenact right before me. Selah.

Just then, another dear boss whom I also worked with came and welcome me, it was a mixed feeling... on the one hand, I was quite touched, yet on the other, I was at a great dilemma, I was and am still hoping that I can make a clean break with some of those projects I used to do... Yet his kindness towards me may cause me to again of not knowing how to say no... Selah. I need God's wisdom and grace for this. Interestingly, my first 2 days at work seem quite a good start, I knocked off almost exactly on the dot, no need OT, but lots of reading to do... God is faithful.

Despite of it all, and all that I mentioned above, strange to say, I was and am so very at peace, even now as I write, this past 6-month of rest did have a great effect on me afterall. In the past, I might have been deeply troubled, or flared up silently within (oxy-moron scenario). Yet, strange to me now, I was pretty happy, joyful and still laughing at what was going on around me, still in a state of Lala Land. Selah. Thank You Daddy God, for somehow somewhat I knew He is still in control and things will turn around. I have learnt a little since, my provision does not come from the job I hold but from my Daddy God who loves me with an everlasting love, for I neither lack nor hunger for the past 6 months, moreover, I even went for holidays, did quite a bit of shopping (but at a more self-controlled manner), still have good meals, movies etc. Amazing.

As predicted, some still asked me why did I return? I thought perhaps I should settle this once and for all here, I return not because there are no new open doors, my Daddy God has never failed me, I was spoilt for choices. I return cos I just felt like returning in my heart, there is no reason other than that. I am not one who weighs pros and cons, I don't know how to make decision by pros and cons... I made decision in life with how I feel with my heart most of the time, and when moments friends see me indecisive, is because my heart is also unsure and no clear direction is visible, that is why. No reason, just follow my heart, and even if at the end of it all, I may have seemed to make a wrong move, I am still not afraid, He is always with me! Cheers.

Hope you like the above answer to last week illustration, the beloved lamb asleep in His presence, knowing all is well. I like the above illustration more than the one below.