Starting Afresh

Starting life afresh! Want to learn to put the past behind. And we all must do that and move on. It’s been a year since, how fast time flies. I believe occasionally the few of us may still condemn ourselves for not being able to help when she was in trouble, for not being able to listen to her struggle and know her cry during that difficult period in her life, for not being able to be with her. A few may still silently shed tears, after all, we are really good friends. However, it has already been a year, I believe it is time to close this chapter and put it aside completely, never again shed any tears on this matter anymore, this applies to my dear friends and myself. Let’s put this aside after this coming Saturday, for this is only temporary separation.

It’s been quite a crazy week. I felt I had enough of deciding which direction to turn for the last few weeks, and I finally decided to make a decision on Sunday, so that I can move on to do other things, rather than going from one interview to another, it is a tiring process on the mind, trying to decide which door to enter, that I chose to sleep and keep pushing the dateline of making any decision. Yet, even after making up my mind on Sunday, to be honest, I am still wondering, am I ‘crazy’ to make the decision I made? It seems a harder path that I have chosen now than to go to new places to me at times…sigh…Lord help me… Anyway, I am choosing escapism again… so this is what I am going to do, run away for a short holiday, and I pray my mind and heart is clearer after that. Selah, and grace upon grace!

Somehow, it seems whichever decision I made I will still feel this way, a bit lost, a bit unsure… I can only rely on my Shepherd to lead me, He will definitely bail me out even if I make a wrong decision this time, and this will be the last try, and yet not a try, but definitely need to learn to rely completely on His grace. I need to learn to trust my Shepherd completely, to turn away from my own self-achievement, to learn not being so serious and harsh with myself, to learn to really say “no” when occasion calls for it, but most of all, to always look to Him for solutions and not to man, not even myself. To be honest, I can't believe that I was actually burnt-out while working, how could I possibly go through this? (The self-righteous lamb speaking here!) I thought I was cool, well-organised, always on time, one who can plan my time so well, and yet I was burnt out still? I was in disbelief and unbelief, how could it happen? This happens when we lose sight of Him. Selah.

My decision has gotten me some scoldings, as most close ones actually advised me otherwise, yet I am still persisting this way, sometimes I do still wonder why… God’s mercy and grace… May You turn all things around for my good, because I am Your beloved child. Today’s blog is from one who sounds a bit “confused” even after making a decision, (thought I will be clearer after that), pardon me… I just need time to let my mind rest and let my heart speaks… no worry. Cheers!