3 Years! Thanksgiving

Today marked the 3rd year I created this site, amazing, it's been 3 years! And in a couple of days, I would be celebrating my birthday as well.

Yesterday, a bunch of good friends from church came to my place to celebrate my extra early birthday, to be honest, I was pretty touched, almost the entire gang turned up! Thanks to dear sister Nicole who organised, your beautiful basket and wrapping is so charming, I will think of how to use the basket for my home decor when free. Penny who has gotten the photo game and Cindy for the impromptu games. All who contributed to the self-sustainable plant, it's true it is a bit small, but thank God it is small, I am not a very responsible person, so small is good! Book vouchers from one of my favourite bookshop, though I don't really like receiving vouchers, I am glad I have gotten this, cos I was thinking of getting new books to read. Fruit from Cynthia which I didn't manage to cut and share with all, I shall finish them in the coming week as part of my salad dinner. Cake which is still in my fridge, sister, my family and I don't really take liquor stuff leh! I am trying my best to finish the cake a little by little a day, still have a quadrant, how? I like pure Chocolate/ice cream cake...hint hint for the future... And thanks Tingni's for thinking of contributing otah, my family loves otah, except me, don't know why, my mom forgot to throw that into the genes. And my mom's cooking, I love to share my mom's home cooked food with pals, so I have gotten her to make my favourite pobiah and curry.

I recalled the last time I met up with the same gang was last Christmas, and I realised I have actually missed out so much since! I didn't know a dear friend's pregnancy, another's recent career change, etc. A little sense of regret did overwhelm me a little as I pondered, I hardly have time these days to catch up with them, not because of my work, in fact my work situation is almost ideal now, it is quite unbelievable. Sorry, friends, Sunday is bit tough to have lunch together these days, and I also feel paiseh to ask you all to wait for me, it will take far too long...

Come to think of it, all these friends were made over a long period of time, 3 were from secondary school, 2 from university, 3 were from church camp, 2 were from queuing up for church service and then the group grows and grows. This is a little secret here, there was a time quite long ago I wish all the different gangs of friends in church will become good friends with one another, and it seems like it has sort of come to pass. Amazing!

No special resolution or things to accomplish, just want to thank Daddy God for my family, friends, my health and career and a year ahead of knowing Him a little more, for Jesus is my Shepherd and I shall not want. Cheers!

X & Y

Remembered I bought a new phone recently? I also changed a phone provider at the same time, after 8 years... As a result, I have to changed my phone number which has been faithfully serving me for the past 8 years. Not that I wanted to change my number, just wanted to have a new phone, and a new service provider...that was 2 months back, not knowing that IDA is going to introduce the full mobile number porting system by June, which means I can have a new service provider and yet retain my existing number. Now that it is finally going to happen, the sentimental part of me has decided to use back my old number, after having used my new number for barely 2 months, as I could hardly remember my new number instantly. So forgive me all my friends, that I have smsed you all twice to change and revert back to my number, I am just a victim of the system.

I missed seeing colourful pictures on my blog... do you? I have drawn a little recently, but they are not for the purpose of blogging. I missed drawing for this blog, so here it goes.

I was reading about the Generation Y yesterday in the papers, and I realised that I have actually been classified under Generation X due to my age, though I felt I am more a Generation Y than many of the Generation Y people I knew. (According to the test I took, I am a Generation Y, irregard of my age, hehe! Refused to be older!) So what makes a Generation Y? One that uses sms, blogs, creates website, watch online, use facebook, download songs... etc. And what is so unique about this group of people? They go for "freedom" and quality of life. Think I belong to this generation!

Today I watched a Taiwanese documentary, about people who have achieved some sort of recognition in their small respective fields. One is an ice cream maker, only at the age of 55, who finally decided to go with his dream. He said something pretty profound, he used to work, work for the sake of money, for the sake of his family, for the sake of living. Now he works because he simply enjoy his work. Another is one that perfect the skill of making chicken, how they would actually look into very small details to perfect their recipe, for the past 30 years. Amazing! Yet there seems to be one thing in common in both of them, they enjoyed themselves. First thing first, enjoy yourself, and the end product will usually end up good! Just my simple conclusion. Cheers!

Whether Weather Wetter

For the last two weeks, as far as I could remember, the weather was almost unbearable. There were several occasions when there seem to be rain arriving, but soon we realised they were just false alarms. These were also the rare occasions that I did not want to stay at home, and even felt being in office was not a bad idea after all. Not that I have no air-conditioning system at home, just that it is not available in my living dining room. The same time last year seemed more bearable, as then I still remember I was resting at home and I was able to stand the heat. Complain complain complain. I pray for rain to come soon, hopefully tonight.

Interesting to note, I ended up blaming almost everything on the weather. The attempt to draw something on the last labour day was given up, I blamed it on the weather. I went grocery shopping with my Mom, ended up buying lots of things, I blamed it on the weather. I was quite lazy for the last 2 weeks, ended up spending labour day sleeping, I blamed it on the weather. My... the blaming problem has not ceased since the day Adam fell...

This marks almost the end of another lazy weekend... Wake up little lamb... wake up. (I actually dozed off twice while watching TV just now...) Hope I will acomplish something in the coming week... selah.

Nothing In Particular

Nothing in particular to write, except just a little "frustrated", perhaps due to several issues combined recently. Been wondering,why do we Asians view ourselves as more inferior when compared to other nationalities? This is not just my opinion. Let me bring up a case in point. There was this particular day when I was walking to office, and along the way, I began to notice the advertisements of the shops. Suddenly I caught myself asking, "am I in Singapore or not? Doesn't Singapore has more Chinese, Malays and Indians than Europeans, Americans, Australians etc...?" I was puzzled, because almost all the models portrayed in the advertisements I saw were not Chinese, Indian nor Malay, and even the mannequins have blond hair... I am simpled baffled, or rather frustrated...

This is not just confined to fashion per se, even in the field I am in, similar situation surfaces. Yet sometimes I wonder, aren't we just as good, or perhaps better at times? (Pardon me, but I am not being prideful here, just want to state a point). Perhaps I can call this the grasshopper mentality, when we start belittling ourselves, or when we imagine ourselves as that, we slowly become that of what we imagine ourselves to be... Selah, forgive me, just venting a little frustration here... Cheers!

Distraction From My Newly Acquired Toy

I bought a new toy a few days ago, and have been busy with it for the past few days, surfing the net, reading online thread, sourcing for softwares etc, it is indeed a tiring process, but I am glad I am almost half way there. I finally bought a pda phone, something that I have been wanting to get for the last few months, waiting and researching on a perfect model, or rather one that meets all my needs and wants. Why a pda phone, when in the past all I was interested in was a good camera phone, and later on a good walkman phone? After all, isn't a phone just a tool for calling and smsing?

It is all because of "envy". I have a very good couple friends who each has a pda phone, and whenever we are together studying the bible, they will read me different versions of the same verse, and sometimes even possible to give me the concordance numbers and meaning of the word, something that I am unable to do until I reach home and switch on my laptop to do an online search. I "envied" them. It took me almost more than a year to finally succumbed to this "temptation" and I bought it finally after several rounds of research, between several models available in the market and finally settle for this. It is a very beautiful gem indeed, one that satisfies my eyes, one that is of simple minimalistic clean design, and yet meet all the functions I would ever want. I did ponder a few months back, should I get an iphone (it is now quite easy to find one here, though it has not been offiicially brought in yet), or a pda phone, and finally I settle for the latter, main reason being the ease of getting the softwares and the functions I really need rather than the beauty of iphone, the functional me at work again. I thank Daddy God for this new phone, now I can bring around with me "several books" plus a mini "laptop" in just one simple phone, and if those real books were to be carried around, I think I may need a luggage! Not to mention it is also a simple camera and a mp3 player (though I still carry a separate camera and mp3 player with me everyday). I hope I will not let the full capability of the phone to go to waste... (Pardon me for "boasting" about my new toy, it is such a blessing to me! Guess my joy has also indirectly influenced my niece to get the same phone...)

This new toy is indeed a distraction to me from what I originally was planning to do during the last week, draw and paint more, I repent. Two weeks ago, I was indulging in my drawing, and a week after I am indulging in my new gadget. Oh, I wonder what I would be doing next week... I will try to promise I will not talk about my new toy here again! I just hope my friends can share my little happiness here now with me! Cheers!

P.S Yes, friend, thanks for your comment, I am indeed talking about you in the last post. When are you free anyway, to join me for a service? Cheers, Jesus loves you!

朋友

昨天与一同学美术的中学同学一块聚餐。我们也已认识了二十出年了吧！说也奇怪，同班也不过只有两年，而自从毕业以后，我们也最多一年见上一两回面，但大家的感情还算蛮好的。当中也有好几位已彼此成立了非常要好的友谊。不需常见面，但一旦见了面，便有谈不完的话题，这就是朋友的定义吧！

当中有许多也已成立了家庭，生儿育女。大家也在不同的领域努力，有的离乡背井，有的还在执著与美术有关的行业，有的则为家人奋斗，各自怀着不同的目标与目的努力生活。也只有在象昨天的那种环境里，大家一同约好停下脚步，歇息一下下，聚一聚。

其实我还蛮珍惜这群好友。回想十几年前吧，我时常在那时祷告，希望这群朋友有一天也会了解与接受耶稣对他们的爱，我恳切地祷告与祈求着，因为我过去的想法很单纯（其实现在也是），只有这样，大家才能做永永远远的朋友。这也是我唯一不敢自私，自己独享的礼物。

今天也以华文书写，因为有一位老同学看到我上周也用华文写我的Blog (布罗格？)，数落了我一番，是乎不敢相信我还会用华文书写，这就是我，不肯认输的我。虽写的不好，不过我还是写了！朋友，服了吗？希望有一天你也会和我一同去教堂。我们有约哟！

感激

已三个月没画画了。也许是工作回家后都已觉得蛮累了，根本提不起劲，头脑似乎也空空的，没有什么灵感。

前几天收到一份包裹，第一眼还以为是好友寄上他们的画展请帖，所以也就没立即打开来看。（朋友，不好意识，当时真的有一点累。）洗澡过后，打开一看，原来是一本几米的书，一本曾听他们问我有没有买的书，如果没有，想送我。我之前也还以为他们是开个玩笑，没想到他们真把书给寄来了，好感动！朋友，谢谢你们，你们旅行还好玩吧！我是蛮喜欢这作者的书，但时常觉得他的书太感伤了。这本道出他的图书的故事来源，我在短短的几天就要看完了。谢谢你们的鼓励，有好朋友真的好幸福。

也因为如此，今天破例，我用华文书写，表示感激。我真的很享受画这些小图画的过程。但也许也已画了快三年，有一点累了，我开始想突破，画出一些能改变人的小图画。我的意识是，我开始贪心了，希望它们能带一点点快乐给悲伤的人，掀起一点点希望给放弃的人，让人看了心理有股温软涌上心头。我没打算改变世界，只希望朋友看了脸上多了个微笑，多了点勇气，这就是我的私心。也许也就因为这样，我开始想认真的改进我上色的方法，并认真的想想自己应该如何继续。

I finally touched my paintbrush again today, and finally painted one of my sketches that I did months ago. I really enjoyed the process, thanks, friends, the "book" encouraged me to pick up the paintbrush to paint again. And yes, I will not be posting much work these days, I am thankful to Daddy God, that this blog has started me drawing again for the last 3 years. Many sweet memories evoked in the process, and many of the works posted here have been my practicing ground, as means for me to improve and experiment. I enjoyed this blog, and enjoyed drawing for this blog, however, it has come to a point that you may hardly see new work now, not that I have stopped drawing, no worries, I will continue, because this is what I love to do, but I hope to keep them to myself first, maybe occasionally will share some here.

The above will mark almost the last artwork for this blog for the meantime. A piece that I greatly loved, but I wished I did it with shadow effect to express the depth I wanted to create, may touch up someday. This is one piece that I did not actually want to publish, but think it is good to end with a favourite, so here it goes. I think I will still continue writing though. Cheers. Jesus loves us!

Sweet Memories

It's been weeks since I last wrote. Chinese New Year is over, and since my trip back from NY, the pace of life seems so fast. One doesn't seem to accomplish much, though a lot of things are waiting to be done. Although I did not work late, yet upon reaching home from work, I tend to just want to sit in front of the TV rather than before my laptop.

Recently, I seem to be flooded with lots of old memories. My godfather, he used to be my neighbour, visited me every 3rd day of the Chinese New Year. I, being the youngest child in the family, with all my siblings so much older, even my youngest older brother and I are 11 years apart. I used to love standing outside my neighbour's house, as they have 5 girls, and every time while I stood there, I always hoped they would open their door to welcome me in to join them in their games, be it cooking, game of pretending, playmobil, etc. That was when I started wanting my Dad to buy me more toys, perhaps subconsciously, I hope my neighbours would want me to play with them because of my toys, I sounded pathetic...

I did have a great time though, playing with them. That few years broadened my ability to imagine, as we played so much of the game of pretending, and legos and wooden blocks and manjong to make houses etc, and how all those experiences have translated me to enjoy architecture now. As I got closer to them, they made me (actually my mom asked) their goddaughter and that is how our relationship lasts till now even after we had moved house about 20 years ago. Sweet memories. Thank God for them, that I have great childhood playmates.

For the past 3 weeks, I caught up with 2 old friends, both from university. In fact, I hardly spoke 10 sentences with one of them in school then, I believe. Yet, how strange divine destiny works. We happened to meet last year at a wedding, realizing that she might be my colleague, and since then, we have been keeping in touch regularly. And now, only recently, I met up an old friend too, how we have lost touched for so many years, though we did briefly met 2 years ago. I believe in God's restoration, time of renewing old friendships, time of putting away old prejudice, time of starting afresh, learning to change the way we used to think, allowing Daddy God to make a difference in our lives, and learning to accept others just the way they are. Learning to wait, and to accept things as they are, though not necessary what you want them to be, but trusting Him that all things work together for good. Cheers.

This week shows one of my favourite recent works, it was done about 3 months back, I loved it so much, I was quite reluctant to show it in this blog, except that I have not completed any new art work. The thing about me is I love to keep what I like most quietly to myself including my artwork, for own enjoyment, and this is one of those, it seems a little "lonely" at first, but it isn't so. I love it, the serene and quiet starry night. Show you the actual picture next time!

P.S. Actually I wrote this a week ago, but wanted to add a little more before publishing it, but I was so busy that it took me till now (2 March 08) to look at it again.

Home at last, Rest

Touched down yesterday. Slept whole day yesterday, jetlag. Went to work with lots of things to rush before Chinese New Year while running a high fever Today. Doctor said "Office wouldn't care about our health, I should just go back home to rest." Anyway, didn't listen to my doctor totally, went home only at 3plus, after meeting. (Fear crept up, what if I cannot meet my dateline next week, cos of all the Chinese New Year break? Already arranged for meeting, how can I not appear and be on MC when I was the one who requested for the meeting? Drawings need to be sent out today before our holiday break. Etc etc.) Ponder. Is this the kind of life I really want? I "flared" up Today for the first time since I returned to work last year. Sign of stress. Selah. Rest, rest, rest. No more the old way of doing things for me, I need to rest in the Lord in whatever I do. Grace grace.

I shall post some cute illustrations soon, did quite a few before I left for NY, but they are all not coloured. Had a great flight back home, pardon my ignorance, for the first time, I took a direct SQ flight back from NY, it was so spacious even for the economy class! There is a continuous supply of snacks at the snack counter. The first time I felt I travel "in style"! Praise the Lord! All airline economy seats should be like this! One don't feel that bad or uncomfortable due to the long 18 hours flight because of the comfort on the plane. Thank God! Okay, time to go and let my body rest again...body must be tired out due to the extreme weather difference and having to adjust to all the time difference, etc. I go rest now, so as to enjoy my Chinese New Year holiday! Cheers, I am alright! Blessed Chinese New Year!

Coming Home

I am heading home tomorrow, praise the Lord! I missed our hawker food, mee siam, you tiao, etc etc... I have been taking sandwiches for lunch for several days, I simply cannot understand why one would want to eat cold sandwiches in winter... I miss home cooked food, miss church, miss home...

However, the trip is fruitful, learn a lot, not in skills per se, but rather learning to work with others... (I know all along I am not an easy person to work with, for several reasons, for the good of the project, wanting to be efficient, having pretty high standard, wanting to complete as much within a short time, little patient for slowness, okay, okay, all these are excuses.) I did enjoy the process this time, all praise to the Lord again.

Finally caught a musical today, or rather yesterday, since it is already past midnight. We just bought any reputable musical and watched, my colleagues and I, with me sort of influencing them to watch with me. We watched Mamma Mia, one that I didn't manage to catch when it was showing in Singapore. It was cool! We had a good time! This caught me sort of addicted, to go shopping tomorrow or should I watch another musical (hopefully The Lion King) before I rush off to catch my flight back. Guess I will know my final decision tomorrow, likelihood is both! Cheers, see you all back home soon!

A Few Days More

Into the second week working here in NY, I am still adjusting to the time difference, the cold weather, the waking up in the middle of the night. The hardest being working with total foreigners. Speaking English to foreigners seems to make me tongue tied, though sometimes I felt I seem to be right, due to my limited vocabulary, I ended in the wrong, selah. Grace grace. A time of learning, to be calm and collected, almost every moment having to look to the Lord for direction and strength to stay cool.

I am going home early! I got my flight changed to an earlier date, praise the Lord! (Hopefully I can finish my work on time though.) 3 days before Chinese New Year, instead of the original 1 day before, so I should have enough time to catch up on my sleep. This time round, I didn't have much time to see NY, and have yet watched my musical, though I did bring my colleagues on a short condensed tour in NY, and catch up with an old friend shopping. (Come to think of it, actually quite fruitful in many ways except the material part, as in shopping, as I hardly buy anything this time round.) So dear ones back home, see you all soon during Chinese New Year, and I crave for my Chinese New Year goodies! Keep some for me! Cheers and Shalom!

4th Day

I have been here for 4 days. It is really quite cold here, though it has not snowed since the day we arrived. Work has been busy, though not exactly like working OT everyday, but lots of eating with local working partners, brainstorming and getting used to the working culture locally. Fighting the jetlag is no easy task, I am pretty alert in the middle of the night, waking up at 5am only after 4 to 5 hours sleep, and feeling drowsy in the afternoon while working, even after being here for 4 days, still adjusting.

Work has begun, though still much waiting to be done, I have tentatively asked for early flight home if possible (hopefully reach home 2 days before Chinese New Year, still on waitlist). It is a pretty steep learning curve, working in a totally different culture, working with totally unfamiliar people (this is my main difficulty), coping with pretty incredible timeline, yet Daddy God has indeed see me through thus far.

Tomorrow will be a day of seeing NY again, now in winter, and perhaps do a little shopping and or catch a musical, while bringing some of my nice young colleagues around since I have been here before, hopefully I will not end up showing them the wrong direction... grace grace, wisdom... cheers! Send my regards to my loved ones back home! Jesus loves us! Know that I am well and healthy!

Back to NY City

I reached New York after a long 24 hours flight. Travelling to this part of the world is not exactly fun to me, mainly due to the long flight, especially when one is restricted to a tiny seat and time seems to have travelled backwards by 12 hours. (I had 2 breakfast meals in a row, one before transit at Frankfurt and another on my way to NY, scary!) I will be here for 2 weeks, working, and I am already missing some good Chinese New Year goodies.

Of course, one can keep focusing on the negatives, and lose sight of what Daddy God is doing. Therefore this must be recorded down. All thanks to Him, we were greeted on our first day of arriving in NY with a snowfall. We had a light snowfall after we reached our hotel, and we are indeed quite excited, though it was not huge enough a fall to make snow balls and snow man. (This being my secret desire. Previously it was raining and not snowing...according to my understanding.)

To be honest, this trip was pretty rush for me, and I had made no plan as to what I would want to see this time round, since I had saw most of the stuffs I wanted a year ago. Therefore my free time here (if there is any, perhaps weekend), will really be free, hopefully indulging in a musical, visiting art galleries again, or spend some time reading in Central Park. Selah.

Dear ones, don't miss me too much, this time round I am likely not buying things for you all, since it is not a tour but work trip. Whoever is free, call my mom and tell her I am well, typing this blog to pass time, so as to sleep a little later in order that I will not wake up in the middle of the night. Cheers, my Shepherd with me always! Will keep in touch this way!

Slowly moving ahead

3 weeks! December 07 was really a very busy month, shopping and preparing presents, planning Christmas parties, be a "photographer" for my niece's ROM using a fully automatic digital camera! (Cannot believe this, thank God for a good auto camera.) And finally when all were completed by New Year's eve or so, I was exhausted, and rested from updating this blog till now. The last 3 weeks were total indulgence, watching TV, shopping (for myself now), and working etc.

Today I was reminded of a thought I had several months back while I was walking home. How strange it is, have you every ponder on the fact that when 2 unknown parties are walking in opposite directions, that is the only opportunity for them to see each other's face. When 2 unknown parties are heading in the same direction, they never really get to see each other's face, perhaps only the back profile. Just a thought, nothing philosophical (actually a little). Perhaps only in life when we meet people moving in contrary direction to ours, do we really get to know one another? Just a thought. But the moment of encounter is very short and should be cherished. It is also an opportunity to learn to see things from other's perspective, a growing and humbling process.

The above is a colour pencil/water colour sketch I did several months back, during my resting period, finally decided to post it here, as I did not have any completed work for quite a long time. (I do have a few sketches but I have not sat down to colour them yet.) I really enjoyed my series of silhouettes, that series of work was done with more attention to detail, unlike the past, which also marked a change in my attitude towards my work perhaps, now to do everything with enjoyment and skill, at a slower but detailed pace, while at the same time picking up new skills to improve my works, to be good and skillful at what I am doing. Lifelong learning... selah.

Wish all a Blessed New Year! May you have a wonderful 2008 with the Lord, our Shepherd! We shall not be in want!

Blessed Christmas!

This marks my 201 postings on my blog, amazing "achievement" since I developed a habit of writing since 2005, coming to 3 years in a few months time. Which means I must have drawn close to 200 illustrations within these few years. A time to look back and a time to look forward, yet not forgetting "Now". I had a little party with some friends recently, asking each what the year 2007 has meant to them. Yet, when it came to my turn to share, I was shocked that I was not at all prepared, was it that I was so busy with all the Christmas shopping? I pondered.

I love giving Christmas presents, I can't give a reason why, but just simply love it, especially for family members, it is not a "have to give " but a "want to give". I was indeed extremely busy, for I only really started shopping for gifts for my huge family in December. I would normally do my shopping even as early as October, November previously. Friends questioned why I needed so much time. So perhaps I would give a little account here. I endeavour to buy something or make something that hopefully will bring forth a little smile in the receiver, something that the person may not buy for herself/himself, but would love to have it, which is what I would always hope and pray to get in most of the Christmas presents I buy or make, though I can't say I got it right all the time. True, I also don't deny that there are times I give for the sake of giving, those politically correct cases, in those cases, then the gift is really gift exchange... I am sad to admit that I, too, has at time fallen into this trap. This year I have decided not to be doing so too much, and therefore, my gift giving has reduced substantially. I also don't like the fact that people has to return my gift because I gave them. I gave without expecting anything in return, though I do share the same attitude that I should return gifts if I receive any. Why can't I just receive freely? Selah.

This may explain a little of our attitude towards the best gift ever given to us, our Saviour, Jesus. I used to feel indebted, unworthy, wanted to repay the gift. Yet, there is no way we can ever repay His limitless goodness towards us, perhaps the best way is to simply receive and make Him really happy by doing so! This is the real reason for this season, our Saviour came to give His life for us more than 2000 years ago.

As for what 2007 meant to me, it is really a year of lots of ups and downs, mentally, emotionally... not easy, in fact pretty tough, lots of learning and much humbling process, I believe I have grown a little, may write about it another time if I feel right about it. Meanwhile, Blessed Christmas and our dearest Shepherd, Jesus, loves you and gave His life for you! People all over the world are celebrating this day, but let us not forget the reason for Christmas! Cheers! Merry Christmas!

Magnifying

I heard quite an interesting sermon yesterday that further confirmed what I discovered last week. Recently I had a brush with the police. I discovered a puddle of water (smell like urine) on my mom’s slippers just outside my house. It was not raining that day and my neighbour’s cat was walking along the corridor. It must be the cat again, I concluded. (Though I didn’t see the actual act, but this is not the first time it had occurred.) Being the very vocal me, and someone who would always seek for justice, I went knocking on my neighbour’s door, asking them to come and take a look at it, while at the same time taking photos of the cat loitering outside and the puddle, as evidences. (Pets are to be kept indoor and not outside, according to SPCA, I called up to check last year, asking what I could do to solve this issue.) The neighbour didn’t come to take a look. What surprised me much later was that the police came knocking on my door, and I felt as if I had done something really sinful by vocalizing the urine issue, and “disturbing” my neighbour, who made a report on me. Selah.

I spent almost 2 hours resolving this with the police, and when I sat down before my laptop last week, I complained it to the first available person on msn who tried to chat to me. I got a listening ear from my niece. One thing I did notice was that the more I talked about it, the more frustrated I was. (For the last 1.5 months since I started working, I was really happy and thankful to God that I had not erupted in temper at work, a breakthrough, when a few months back, I was constantly at the brink of erupting almost every single day. This event marks the first such occurrence for a pretty long time.) For half of the next day, I was still sort of sulking over the issue, felt much injustice being done. Over lunch with a colleague, I was pondering if I should complain again about it to another person, just to get some sympathy. (Though right within my heart, I heard a very clear voice saying to me to stop talking about it and let go.) Yet, I still chose to tell my colleague, but much to my disappointment, she said I should just let go. (Because if I would to complain to SPCA, the cat might be put to sleep, which was not what I wanted to do.) Sigh, this time a totally audible voice almost jumping out of my heart, from my colleague’s mouth.

I am not taking this channel to complain about the cat incident or what, but to point out a truth, a very powerful phenomenon I noticed since, that is, when you are angry or frustrated about something, the only way out for us for not pondering on it, is to stop talking about it altogether, this is the way to let go. I realized the frustration increased as I talked about it, verbalized it. This incident brought me a few months back when I felt burn-out. I actually fell into the trap of self-pity when I vocalized my stress to my friends. The more I shared with them how I felt, the more I felt I was stressed out and burn out, and the more I felt I was doing the right thing with my lousy attitude, thinking that I deserve to behave like this. How powerful it is when we vocalized something, it seems magnified several times. This can be used for both good and bad.

If you don’t believe me, try it, talk about something you felt mistreated or angry with, see if you become less angry or actually more frustrated after talking about it. Trust me, one tends to feel worse. People who are hurt tend to repeat their stories, although many a times, they said they had already let go and forgave, yet, the fact that they were narrating their misfortune again and again actually suggest otherwise, that they have not fully let go of it, to set themselves free. The way to let go is to stop talking about it! And vice versa, talk about those things that you want to magnify, for example, our beloved Shepherd, and He surely becomes bigger in your sight! Cheers!

Architecture Reawakening

I had attended one and a half day of architecture forum for the last 2 days. It is interesting to hear from different architects and what they perceive architecture as, some almost as art, a few as business, some almost humanitarian while others experimentation. A few fell into the trap of just showing the end products, while a few concentrated on their thought processes which are far more interesting. One is pessimistic about the future while another shows design as if of science fiction. I did enjoy myself in most of the lectures, except I come to one conclusion, many architects, even myself, tend to lose focus on the main reason for architecture. We spend so much time crafting our crafts, creating a work of art, indulging in the thinking process, in different methodologies, but sometimes we forget the one main agenda, “Man”.

Aren’t buildings created for humans, the most basic agenda? Even if we go to the extreme of designing a zoo or a pet house, nature tells us animals don’t need human made houses, they are more than capable to find their own shelters. Zoos, pet house, whatsoever are created for the enjoyment of “Man”. Therefore, architecture is about man, fulfilling the needs of man, more than just aesthetics, visual, though I don’t undermine the latter, yet these are by-products, in my assessment. Architecture has to revolve around the end-users, the comfort, the ability to improve the quality of human lives, and if possible touches lives, the latter being most idealistic. Whatever methodologies we employed are just means to an end, and as an architect, we should never forget the main agenda – “man”, sacrificing this aspect for aesthetic is purely pathetic and irrational. Yet when we satisfy the needs of the man, not the ego part, the likelihood of accidentally creating a piece of art that touches lives is extremely high.

I was much inspired by the presentation of the roof house in Japan. A small simple single dwelling unit, centralize around the daily living routine of a family who loves to have meals on their roof, and this thereby creating a piece of architecture that is very genuine and sincere in my recognition. To be honest, I have seen this piece of architecture before in magazine, but it never touches me until I heard the architects presenting it, seeing how the spaces are used, the engagement of the end-users with the building is what attracted me the most. Now I see this single dwelling as beautiful, a beauty that is inherent rather than visual, this is architecture with a heartbeat. I saw the same concept applied to a kindergarten by the same architects, interesting how the children love the premise, how spontaneous the children play in such an environment. I can’t say both buildings are beautiful as beautiful per se, but they sure touch me deeply, a beauty that is unseen.

Those slides I saw at the lecture that stay on my mind till now are those with people interacting with the architecture. We architects love to take photographs without human beings in them, I am guilty of this too. Yet, isn’t architecture about human beings? I repent. Architecture is more than just an artform, it is a tool of improving human lives.

Hope I didn’t bore you all with this, just a thought, to remind myself a simple truth. Just as I begin to discover in my simple Christian walk, in my many side tracks, I finally realized everything is still centralized on my dear Jesus, after running one huge circle. I would say the same for architecture, it is not just about context, methodologies, aesthetics, detailings, programme, etc, though these are important, but it is more on the “human” aspect. And as we take care of this aspect, the others are just means to an end. You can choose to differ from my thoughts, this is my blog and I have a right to say what I felt is right. Selah. My architecture reawakening.

(The above illustration is titled "Standing on His Finished Work".)

Success & Burnout

It’s been quite sometime… I went through a small ordeal the last week, was it food poisoning or stomach flu, I am not sure, and I don’t care to find out more. Just knew that my body temperature went up and down and my digestive system seemed to be working at a very strange pace, I could not sleep at night, and yet too tired in the day. It was quite a bad experience, thank God for healing and that it was over. Life is slowly getting back to normal.

I was trying to finish a book and finally it was finished, not that I enjoyed it greatly, but there are surely some interesting things to learn from it. There are 2 portions where the author was talking about “success” and “burn-out”, the later was something I am interested in, since I had had a taste of it 8 months back. He said one of the things that intensifies burnout is a lack of willingness. And this willingness depends on resting, allowing our soul and our spirit to be refreshed and replenished, before we can give our all.

How true! Memory of those burnout days swept before me, I felt depressed, overworked, not restful, and most of all, unwilling to do the things I was doing, and that marked the beginning of entering that terrible few months. Now that I am at a state of being able to look back and laugh, I can understand the issues clearer, perhaps the steps to be taken to avoid falling into the same state also become clearer. Before we embark on any undertaking, surely we need a willingness to do it.

Next is about “Success”. What does each of us deem success as? Perhaps, as a student, you see it as having good results. As a working adult, when you receive your promotion and a pay rise, or being appreciated. As a parent, your children listen and obey you, and that you bring back more than enough bread for them. As a businessman, you clinched the best deal in town. Yet all the above seem so temporal and shortlived. Therefore we continue in our pursuit of what we deem success day in, day out, and we work harder and harder, rarely do we say enough is enough. We fall into the trap of getting the world’s ideas of success: fame and fortune, power and pleasure.

That perhaps was what I was pursuing unconsciously, unknowingly, slowly I was falling into the world’s system, thinking the more I achieve, the happier I would become. Selah. The book was good in this aspect, the author brought the focus back, if we are to analyse carefully, what we really want in life is contentment, fulfillment and satisfaction. This is real success.

Just sharing some thoughts, today’s writing sure sounds serious. Anyway, make a guess of the illustration above. Have a blessed, full of peace, week ahead!

A Day At A Time

Yeah, it is a public holiday today! Didn't quite understand its significance for the last 6 months when I was resting as there was no difference then, until I started working again. Working life is like heaven since, and I pray it will always be, and I realise running project that is on construction actually isn't that bad, it is quite fun for the past few weeks, seeing what I designed slowly materialising, though there are many areas still need improvements, yet in the process, I learnt what to design and what not. Running a site project is more focused, doing one thing at a time, though I still love designing. Anyway, I am doing this supposedly for these few weeks only, but perhaps, I should consider doing this scope of architecture for a change, life seems less hectic and more focused. Selah. (Though I still love poring, searching and thinking over a design concept, it is like uncovering a mystery, and when you find it, there is a joy unspeakable. And I still love drawing, and drawing and drawing plans, imagining spaces, visualising how it looks like in my mind.) Yet, my Shepherd knows what is best for me, live and enjoy a day at a time.

Didn't have much to write for now, learning to talk less, hear more, just felt that I should upload the illustration, so here is the "Dancing on the keyboard" cartoon for this week. It was completed quite a while back, somehow it has a very "Christmasy" feel to it. Praise the Lord, Christmas is just round the corner, and I am really excited about it! Time for Christmas shopping again!

Right Place Right Time

Today a most appropriate incident to describe as "at the right place at the right time" happened to me, I was almost "in tears" when it happened, which I would want to record it down for future reference. Today, as per normal (for the past 2 weeks), I knocked off on the dot, and headed to take a train home. There was a faulty line from City Hall station to Marina Bay station, and the north bound train platform was swarming with people, I had a huge shock when I saw the crowd. Wanted very much to get a seat and read in the train, I would sometime take the train that is Marina Bay bound (south bound and then loop back to north bound), which would take me an extra 10 to 15 minutes to reach home, but it does not really matter as compared to having a seat to rest.

Realizing my hope was dashed when the announcement said that the next train going to Marina Bay station will take an hour to resume service, and right before my eyes, the north bound train platform was of an unsual huge crowd, I decided to take the west bound train to Raffles Place, hopefully I could at least get up the north bound train, at an earlier station before City Hall. Upon reaching there, the crowd was almost as large as the City Hall's crowd, standing right outside the gates waiting for the north bound train, and I have almost no chance to go any where near the gates, therefore I ended up standing near opposite (the east bound) gates instead. Just as my heart was about to feel disheartened, the most miraculous thing happened. An announcement pronouncing that the train at the east bound gate (the door was widely open, and the train totally empty) was leaving for Jurong East via Woodlands (going north bound). I could hardly believe what I heard. This had never happened to me in my many years of train taking experiences before! I got in, grabbed a seat, and got my little dream answered right at that moment. I felt I was literally being at the right place at the right time! People standing at the "rightful" gates came rushing in, but only manage to get standing spaces. Not to mention people at City Hall can hardly get into the train.

At that instance, seated at my miraculous seat, I felt loved, privileged. The beautiful confession came right into my heart at that very moment, "indeed I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus". I was almost touched to tears at that very instance, thank You Daddy God. Right place right time.