Silhouette of the Peak

I delayed a little for this posting, as last week was a great time spent in "resting", a much needed indulgence for these 2-3 weeks before working again. The above sketch was done quite some time ago, but I have yet found time to sit down and coloured it, so here it is finally. A dream concept that I have been thinking on and off for the past few weeks, since I did the illustration for 2nd Sept. This concept of "Silhouette" came as a result of my "struggle" when I did that illustration, as in my heart I wanted to add in the Shepherd, however, at the same time, I wanted it to be subtle. As I was "meditating" on the execution of it, it suddenly dawn on me, this is it, "Silhouette"! These coming weeks will show me working on this concept, hope you enjoy it. Only for this week, I will post both the "perceived" and the "truth" together.

In life, many of us only "see" what we can see or know through our 5 senses, our "Sense Knowledge". Yet, many a times what actually has happened may not be perceivable with our senses. As a result, many become dishearted, as what is perceived seems to be more real than what is the truth. This is what I wanted to convey with this series of illustrations, the subtlety of this in life, and how many of us gave up halfway through the journey when we can only see the "perceived". Despite of it all, whatever the situation we may be in, we can have complete confidence in His Word that changes not, for the Word that speaks of the love our Shepherd expressed through His sacrifice, as nothing is as sure as His Word. Cheers!

Swaying No More

I have been pretty busy since I came back from my holiday despite of the fact that I am not working, that explains the slight delay in the posting, though I have done quite a few sketches, but I have yet find time to add colours to them. So what have I been doing?

Studying with my nephew for his PSLE, and realised my English is terrible. Coaching another nephew in Maths and I became so mad with him I gave up. Selah. Patience, patience, and that the Lord will show him my heart, and give him the vision of what he can actually become, not just a living creature, but a wonderfully made gifted human being! Selah, only God can.

I have finally finished compiling my comics and printed the final draft, perhaps just a brief mention of it here. For the past few months, I finally sat down to compile all those sheep illustrations I did for the last few years, not all are used, but a great majority of them. Perhaps to many of you who read this or drop by this site know, sheep seems to be a dear topic to me in all my illustrations, indeed it is, perhaps unknown to most of my friends, but it actually has become so much of my imagination, I see sheep when I imagine, so often, and the idea of the Shepherd and the sheep, and sheep with other sheep means a great deal to me, though some of you may be bored by the same old theme and style. But if Mickey Mouse can go on for decades, I don't see why I should change the character, after all, Psalm 23 is one of my favourite.

All throughout the last few months, the above illustration explains what took place at times. There are moments I would be asking myself what I was doing, sitting in front of my laptop day after day, touching up my comics, adding text to it, compiling them into a booklet. Times I would be asking, am I sure this is going to succeed? Who would be interested in buying such thing anyway? I would start wondering if I was "crazy" to venture into this, spending months working on this, losing on precious stable income. I would start to compare my product with others, and ponder, mine does not look as outstanding, and as skillfully drawn and coloured as others. Yet every single piece tells a story, a moment in my life that I went through, it is a pictorial diary to me.

Then there will be occasional heart-warming friends who would drop by with a note saying that they loved the sheep series, or enjoyed them and gave me a little strength to continue doing. There were also times that my Shepherd seemed to assure me to just do what I want to do, move on with the dream, do not need to worry about daily living for a while, and indeed he has provided for me faithfully. Now, I can finally say I have concluded the job I set out to do, and I am going to take the next step, favour and grace, to send it out! Come on, at least I tried, at least I am one step closer to a dream, at least it is closer to reality than just continuing to remain a dream in my heart. I am excited and glad and fulfilled. Keep me in prayer! It is an exciting journey. Indeed my Shepherd will take care of it, for He who has begun a good work in my life will surely complete it, man! Cheers!

A Trip To Learn

I am back! Despite the fact that I had my laptop with me, I did not manage to find time to blog, perhaps I was too tired, plus I did not have internet access all the time. The weather was hot, I am so dark now that I intend to stay indoor as much as I can to regain some degree of "fairness" to my skin. It was a trip to think through some things, but strange how it turns out, though I enjoyed it tremendously. I would attempt to summarise it into 2 aspects, almost like "enlightenment" to me.

On the more spiritual aspect, we went to perhaps the largest church in the world, of about 1 million members, do correct me if I am wrong. Till now, I am still very amazed at what I saw, how God can use a man, who obeys Him, and work through him, bringing to fruition what seems impossibilities to me. This church has its own newspapers that report good news (4th most widely read papers in the country), an university, its own prayer mountain that looks a bit like a resort, a training centre that imparts skills to youths, and at the same time provide accommodation to elderly people who also act as guardians for these youths, all for free. I am simply amazed, all those idealogies I have heard, or even dreamt about while doing my architectural thesis, etc, have actually been realised in real life! We indeed have a mighty Daddy God, it is just whether we dare to take Him for His word without doubting and depend on Him and just do it! Till now, I am still very amazed. Daddy God can use a yielded person to perform such unfathomable deeds, amazing, all glory to Him!

We spent 2 days on the prayer mountain, with me having the intention to sort out some thoughts. Simple as it sounds, the answer was so simple, to see Jesus in every situation, just that, spending time with Him. The problem does not seem to have disappeared in real life, but somehow, everything looks so insignificant after that, cos knowing Someone who loves me so much to give His all for me, what are all these little things. I am still amazed at it, my worries all of a sudden seem to disappear, I seem to be able to "let not my heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid", and caught a little light of how this is possible, surely if Jesus said so, it must be possible. This is only possible by seeing Jesus.

On the intellectual aspect, I had a good time looking at the art scene in Seoul and am most impressed by the Art Valley at Heyri. I enjoyed looking at the exciting architecture, definitely must go back again to finish it, guess we only managed to finish about one third of it. I loved the short simple walk along Cheong Gye Cheon Stream, it is a beautiful touch to the masterplanning of Seoul, providing a place of refuge, reminiscent of the effect of Central Park in New York. Looking at the museums and interesting buildings, I felt a sudden "reborn and zeal" for architecture again, something that I may have lost along the way during the past few years. There were times while looking at some of those buildings, I wish I can do something like that.

Many thoughts, many, too much to be written down in this journal. One that I remembered, was about a month or two ago, I was looking at a Japanese drama, when I caught a scene of a modern wind mill, and i was wondering to myself perhaps someday I will get to see one in real life, and who would know I really get to see one just 2 months down the road. My Daddy God hears my every whisper. Too many things to write... I had a good time, time spent in looking at Him, time spent in arousing a passion, time spent learning to be humble and learn from others, their art and architecture, so much I received, all thanks to Daddy God, so much!

P/S The above illustration is what the 3 of us encountered in Jeju-do when we try to climb up to Sunrise Peak. It was pretty tough, but I enjoyed it.

Long Vacation

Today's journal is named after a Japanese series "Long Vacation" I watched a few years ago, my friend's favourite drama, about a pianist (a prodigy) who took a while to stand up on his feet to play the piano again. Not that I am a prodigy, I am far from it, just felt like I am in the midst of a long vacation though, which was what I was dreaming of doing last year while working, it was a dream then, not even sure if I am bold enough to really go for several months without pay. Then, I was just entertaining thoughts of perhaps a break from work for 2 months, but now it seems it will be for 5-6 months, living off my savings and occasional pays that seem to fall from heaven when I needed them, my Daddy God is ever so faithful.

I am going for my holiday today! (Another holiday in my long holiday?) Flying off tonight alone, yet once again… Thank God, that I am meeting my friends there, who had left for the destination 2 days ago. Just pray that I will find my way to the hotel in the wee hours of the early morning tomorrow, need great wisdom for language is truly a big problem. It was not a planned holiday, I decided to join my friends about 2 weeks ago, almost at the very last minute, and not even sure if I could get an air ticket then, this perhaps is an unconscious effort of my mind to put off working for yet a few more weeks? I ponder.

Not exactly knowing the itinerary of the trip, I just wanted to get away for a short while, or at least play a little more, before life is back to routine, sleep-eat-work …sleep-eat-work… I must have made life sounded a bit pathetic, of course life is more than just these, I am just exaggerating. Even if it is a routine, so long as one is happy and fulfilled, that matters.

As for the task I set out to do during these few months of “not working” (for someone else), is still not completed, will complete it once I am back, need grace, great great favour for this, a step closer to my dream… My childhood dream, a lady now already in her adulthood, is still dreaming of what she dreamt to do when she was a kid… Selah. Crazy as it sounded, I was even entertaining the thought of going for further studies, but this is just a fleeting thought.

As the day of routine draws nearer, irrational as it sounds, those quite “stressful” working days seem to come back to me for the past few days, this is truly battle in the mind. How true it is, that one can be in a state of physical rest and the mind is perpetually working. This is called “worry”, a hateful word. Peace, be still! “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

I will have a safe journey indeed for my Shepherd is with me. I quite like flying alone (but with my Shepherd of course) on the plane, those hours of solitude, where there is nothing much you can do but to read, draw, listen and sleep, cos there is no one who knows me on the plane with me. I will take this holiday to draw a little, shop a little, sightseeing, and learn more from what others have done, may this trip be an eye-opener, a great time of catching up with old friends, and most of all, a time to spend with my Shepherd. See you all back home in 2 weeks' time! Will write and draw from South Korea! Seoul here I come!

Starting Afresh

Starting life afresh! Want to learn to put the past behind. And we all must do that and move on. It’s been a year since, how fast time flies. I believe occasionally the few of us may still condemn ourselves for not being able to help when she was in trouble, for not being able to listen to her struggle and know her cry during that difficult period in her life, for not being able to be with her. A few may still silently shed tears, after all, we are really good friends. However, it has already been a year, I believe it is time to close this chapter and put it aside completely, never again shed any tears on this matter anymore, this applies to my dear friends and myself. Let’s put this aside after this coming Saturday, for this is only temporary separation.

It’s been quite a crazy week. I felt I had enough of deciding which direction to turn for the last few weeks, and I finally decided to make a decision on Sunday, so that I can move on to do other things, rather than going from one interview to another, it is a tiring process on the mind, trying to decide which door to enter, that I chose to sleep and keep pushing the dateline of making any decision. Yet, even after making up my mind on Sunday, to be honest, I am still wondering, am I ‘crazy’ to make the decision I made? It seems a harder path that I have chosen now than to go to new places to me at times…sigh…Lord help me… Anyway, I am choosing escapism again… so this is what I am going to do, run away for a short holiday, and I pray my mind and heart is clearer after that. Selah, and grace upon grace!

Somehow, it seems whichever decision I made I will still feel this way, a bit lost, a bit unsure… I can only rely on my Shepherd to lead me, He will definitely bail me out even if I make a wrong decision this time, and this will be the last try, and yet not a try, but definitely need to learn to rely completely on His grace. I need to learn to trust my Shepherd completely, to turn away from my own self-achievement, to learn not being so serious and harsh with myself, to learn to really say “no” when occasion calls for it, but most of all, to always look to Him for solutions and not to man, not even myself. To be honest, I can't believe that I was actually burnt-out while working, how could I possibly go through this? (The self-righteous lamb speaking here!) I thought I was cool, well-organised, always on time, one who can plan my time so well, and yet I was burnt out still? I was in disbelief and unbelief, how could it happen? This happens when we lose sight of Him. Selah.

My decision has gotten me some scoldings, as most close ones actually advised me otherwise, yet I am still persisting this way, sometimes I do still wonder why… God’s mercy and grace… May You turn all things around for my good, because I am Your beloved child. Today’s blog is from one who sounds a bit “confused” even after making a decision, (thought I will be clearer after that), pardon me… I just need time to let my mind rest and let my heart speaks… no worry. Cheers!

Falling into His arms

Falling into the arms of our Shepherd is the illustration for today. I caught an image of this on Thursday while at a service. Despite of how we fail, or miss the mark, beneath is always the everlasting arms of our Shepherd to catch us when we fall, such is the assurance and the hope. I again realise the beauty of simplicity, relooking at the beautiful gospel story, I am still unfolding.

These few months I begin to see a bit of light in some areas, how many of my worries I have in life came as a result of being introspective, the latter is a hyper scary attitude towards our mental well-being. It is so easy to fall into this state when we lose our focus on our Shepherd. That is also how worry begins, it starts in the mind, we turn the situation in every which way, figuring the cause and effect, imagining different possible scenarios, we meditate on it, sleep on it, bring it wherever we go, nurse it, water it, give it time to grow, and as it becomes healthier, we become weaker or may even turn "insane". We start to see our inadequacy, our inability to solve it, which is true, but it is all about "I". It is time to just give up and look up, for Help is waiting to help, but Help simply cannot get a hold of the situation while we are still holding tightly to it. This is what I have been struggling, sometimes and some areas seem more intense. Let not my heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. This is so difficult even, God help me!

I am finally going to embark on my 2nd phase of editing of my cartoon collection this coming week, thanks B, for all the help rendered, I really appreciate it with all my heart, knowing how busy you are, having to cope with work, study, attachment, spending times with loved ones, plus lending me a hand to edit my stuff. And thanks to my sister, your mom too! I am excited about this little venture, though i really do not know where this is leading me, but I am glad that I finally put aside other things to find time to do this little dream venture.

And lastly, really appreciate everyone that expresses their support for our website, some post it on their msns, some express via email replies, some actually become our first clients. And most of all, thank You my Shepherd for leading us thus far, You who begins a good work will surely complete it! Thanks! It is none of us, but all of Christ, and Him only!

Cravings

I have some crazy cravings these past couple of weeks, that explains the above illustration. There was a season of craving for durians, then the donuts from Donut Factory, at times sweet potato soup, and bo bo cha cha (coconut made dessert). Perhaps I am really so free these days that I can start feeding my changing appetites? Guess it is also time to go back to work as I still want to remain trim and thin, instead of constantly satisfying my physical "hunger". Selah.

Having finally launched "www.sevenbyfive.sg" it is as if a little dream fulfilled. Though there are a few times since, that I wish if only I knew how to do this, or do that, I would have improved it better... Perhaps a little impetus thought of going for a formal course in web design did cross my mind, though I am quite sure this is not going to change my career path, but just wanting to learn something new, that's all. Yet, I still enjoy the process of "self-discovery", testing out on my own, and the joy of discovery new methods of doing things, even though this is a more tedious process.

Taking a full week to decide the next step, didn't really change anything it seems, and I really have to step out in faith, trusting the Lord to hold unto me as I move forward. This is not easy, starting out afresh, taking a step at a time. For the past 3 months, I have heard perhaps close to 10 persons, coming to me and saying that I look better now, as one who has less stress as compared to a few months back. I didn't know that taking such a rest could have such a great impact on how I look. I did have a good rest, though not really adventurous, as in going holidays, but it is so unlike the past, for a whole 2 months, I do not have to rush anything, meet any datelines, or seek anyone's approval. Perhaps the only pressure I felt was self-imposed, "so when am I ready to start working?" It is like those old Disney's cartoon, with the angel and the devil popped up on the left and right of Donald Duck, I almost wanted to draw this for today. On one occasion, I felt I should work, on another, I think maybe I rest for another week... Sounds familiar?

This is like a little war going on in the mind. Wondering if life will take on a similar hectic schedule like the past, would I still be "stressed-out" or "burnt-out" again? Can I do something different this time round? Would I have the opportunity to design something different? This is what went through my mind, no answer to them and it is all about "I", "me" and "myself" if you noticed. This really sounds faithless, when one starts turning inwards instead of looking at the Shepherd, almost losing sight of the One who holds my future. Stress and fear come along when I lose sight of my Shepherd. May I be reminded again and again of this when I embark on the next step.

Today I have launched another blog "Baa & Meow" at www.baa-meow.blogspot.com. I have mentioned of doing this a few months back. This one will take on a more pictorial form, less word, moving towards more comic strip format, and I have created Little Lamb generation 2 to match the Cat I designed earlier. No funny strip for this week yet, just the introduction, and I need to think through and be inspired a little. Hopefully my neighbour's cat will provoke/inspire me in the following week.

So, keep one another in prayer, not sure what to pray? Just pray in the spirit for me then. Jesus loves you all!

www.sevenbyfive.sg

Why a blog posting in the middle of the week? Because today we finally, officially launch our website www.sevenbyfive.sg. With its beautiful date 25 July 2007, a number easy to remember with the name of the site. It is my first humble attempt to design and create a website, not exactly very user friendly yet, still improving, but has finally fulfilled one desire of mine to pick up this skill, a desire 4 years ago.

This site is created out of a love for arts and design, and consists of the 5 of us, 2 artists, one producer, who is presently very busy with her job, and 2 architects, one of which is me. So do drop by our website to take a look at our gallery/photography, our little virtual shop, not really meant to make big bucks, but if it happens, all glory to Jesus. The price of things may seem to be on the high side, but we have to cover the material and delivery costs... plus we really handmade the stuff, personalised arts, and not mass produce... therefore this explains why. And by the way, we are not a firm, we merely just want to do some fun stuffs together, that's all.

So today's blog is just to keep a record of the special day and do some publicity on the new website, do drop by when free, we will try to update it regularly with new art works and news! Cheers, may our Shepherd bless our website!

Durian Durian

Not sure why I have been wanting to eat durians these past few weeks, though I didn't really eat a lot, perhaps just ate once. This may explain the above illustration, just for joke, no criticism for the building at all. Hope you catch it. Anyway, more durian illustration to come in the next week.

Life takes on a slow, steady and homely state for me for the past few weeks. There were days when I would stroll to our nearby neighbourhood town centre for a walk with my mom during lunch, and we would detour to the durian stall to see people standing around, smelling, shaking the durians, to choose what they deemed to be good ones. We didn't buy any, but the joy of just looking at this thrilled me a lot. As I beheld them, I saw the simplicity of life, simple pleasure, simple things. I relished in them, strange, for several years, I actually was too busy to indulge myself in such activities, which seemed a waste of time, sounded so sad indeed.

I declined a work opportunity that I applied for, not sure why, just didn't feel it is right, it could be just my own feeling anyway. Am I too choosy? Someone suggested that, perhaps I am. Yet I am still at a crossroad, and I have decided to stand at that junction for a few days more. Thank God, sometimes the most unlikely person says the most heartwarming thing. My sis unknowingly was talking to me about taking this break to decide whether to move in the same direction, or choose a greater challenge or find a easier, more relax working environment for the next step instead of hurrying. This was precisely what I could not decide now. More challenging job? Less taxing working environment? Another direction?

It has been 3 months since, not that I didn't feel the pressure of not working, I do, I felt I should, as a responsible adult, yet at the same time, I am still quite "disillusioned?" Architecture architecture architecture... So I delayed again, or rather, has to start all over again, has to read and see where I would want to apply again. Hopefully I will send out some letters soon, hopefully... pressing the "send" button is not as easy as I thought it to be after all. Cheers... sheer indulgence... My Shepherd is still in charge!

"Siansation"

Wednesday 11 July
Not sure why I felt so sian today (sian = bored, empty)… felt so empty and lost… I went for an interview finally after resting for the past 2 months (or was it 3?), I decided to start afresh, start working again. It was not that the interview did not go well, in fact, it went pretty well. Yet, why do I feel so disillusioned… Selah. Kept asking myself, is this what I really want to do? I am really not sure… Keep me in prayer.

Friday 13 July
It has been a thinking week for me. Felt as if I am standing at a crossroad. Felt exhausted, and therefore I took several naps to stop thinking... “Escapism”. Yet I know, He will surely show me the way. Interesting fact was that, today as I stepped into a particular place for yet another interview, I desire one day I get a chance to design something of that nature rather than working in that environment, in that split second, I seem to see a little bit of what I hope to do… a little light dawns… There is really so much I wish to learn, want to learn, hungry to learn…

Sunday…Monday
The above illustration (part 1) was drawn in my mind last week before an interview. Part 2 was drawn after the interview, though I still didn’t know which way to turn, but I know for sure My Shepherd knows which way. It is really time to start working… Lord, remove the “siansation” from me! And show me the way.

And please do not allow me to be a bad influence by the above blog title, it is still going to be a great and wonderful week ahead for us because our Shepherd is leading us!

It is a beautiful date today 070707, perfection! Strange and coincidental as it sounded, we arranged to meet up after 7 years of graduating from architecture today for a few old classmates. Meeting up and realised, some have changed line, some are still in the same field, but one thing I am really curious is, do all still share the same passion as before, or have decreased or increased.
I have finally finished the first draft of what I set out to do for the last 2 months, done my first own pictorial editing, now it is in the safe hands of my niece to edit the text. Missy, feel free to be really critical about it, as if you are a reader and not someone who is acquainted with me, k? And tell me the truth, I can take it and improve on it! Guess I at least took a first step towards a dream… took me almost a month to compile… Guess to draw another one will take me another 2 years, I suppose? Will start on that when I finally start working in the real world again, that will be my pastime hobby.

Before getting back to the draft again for 2nd editing, I finally moved on to start doing something else, actually it is learning something new. Trying to master two softwares for the last 4 days simultaneously was really quite a struggle, though it was fun and challenging. I just could not help myself, almost the 2nd thing I did every morning after I woke up is to switch on my laptop and start experimenting, and trying out again and again, to see if there are alternatives to achieving what I wanted to do. Yet not being versed in them, I felt somehow handicapped, and I really need wisdom from above. Grace, grace.

So as one can see, I hardly have time to sleep, as my mind is working on duo processors, I didn’t draw anything for this week, as I have been so occupied with all the learning, not to mention attending seminar to earn points to renew my practicing license for next year. Therefore posted above is a very old painting I did in year 1999, theme “people”. I hope perhaps next week I would finally sit down to draw another comic ( have one funny architecture comic boiling in my head, just no time to draw it out). As for that dear friend of mine who mentioned she prefers my architecture series, hmmm… I am still not going towards that direction, as I still prefer to use art as a mean of expressing a feeling, a heartfelt gratitude, or a tool to encourage someone, rather than a weapon for satire and criticism… And one thing I am sure, I still love architecture… I just hope no one will do the same to my design in future, selah, so I will be merciful here.

What Am I Up To?

I have often been asked what have I been doing lately since I stopped working. Recently, I have adopted a simplified standard answer and it helps, no further questioning, my answer is “painting/doing art”. (Someone actually thought I meant painting my house?) To strictly say that I am painting is not fully right, though I must clarify I am not lying as well. I have really started painting again after 7 years.

Yet painting is not the complete truth. So now I am attempting to answer this once and for all, and if anyone asked me again, perhaps I shall give them a card with the link to this website, and ask them to read for themselves? (just a joke)

I did some designs initially, architecture per se, followed by graphics, went for a short business/travel trip. Since then, I started painting, editing a short little children’s story of mine, which is still far from good as my English has always been terrible. Hasn’t fully started on its illustrations yet, as I am still waiting for the inspiration, though some research has been done. This expedition seems daunting to me now, and may likely take another one to two years to complete, especially when I start working again.

I have finally started to compile all my little cartoons, hopefully into a booklet. As the days flew, the task seems more and more immense, though the amount of work completed has increased. The very first draft shall be ready soon, I hope, though it is still far from perfect, but to me it is at least a first step towards a little dream. When asked by closer friends, and told them I am compiling a little book, some commented I am really brave to do such a thing. (Perhaps silently they are thinking she must be “crazy”? To quit a stable job was perhaps the first “crazy” thing to some …. Then to do things of such was perhaps totally unheard of…Yet, I just felt when would be a better time to pursue a dream except now especially I can do it on a fulltime basis during these few months before I move on to the next phase? It really takes a lot of childishness (childlike faith?) to do this…. But to be honest, this childishness of mine, to indulge in this hobby, may not last very long since I am after all a very pragmatic person… that is the reason I am rushing to finish it.

Friends who heard that I am doing this also questioned how could I expect the task to be completed in a month? (I am giving myself only a few weeks to do this) Such a task sometimes takes years. I was initially quite taken aback, for it is true, but then who says it can’t be accomplished? The fact is 2 years worth of illustrations have been accumulated, and it was not done over 2 to 4 weeks, it was a journey I have taken for the past few years, now it is a matter of touching up and enhancing the quality.

Recently, I watched a documentary, just a short clip. About a designer who chooses his hobby as his work. The reason given by him that he can persist in this, he believes it is his simplicity and childlikeness that allows it to happen. How many of us dare to put down reasoning for a while, to go forth and do something they really like, it takes the singleminded, simple ones to go forth and do it… Perhaps thinking too much, asking too many “what if” is the deterring factor. Rather than spending time on “what if”, might as well channel the time to just do it first and see! So I hope I have given a good answer. Sigh, but the pragmatic me is catching up soon… time is precious…”what if”? Cheers!

Note: the above is the 1st real painting completed after 7 years. Used it to take part in a competition, didn't win anything, but it is ok, since right from the beginning, this painting was painted for myself anyway. Concept as follows:

Childhood dream etched forever in one’s mind, though it remains an episode of the past, but has subconsciously become one’s pursue for the future, thus forever vibrant and beautiful. “Now” the mundane routine of life becomes dull and depletes of colours. Seeking to repaint the present, start anew and boldly take on the dream of one’s childhood, like caring for a sapling in one’s hand, seeing the growth of the sapling in the realm of imagination, and never failing to take the childhood’s dream as a point of reference when journey of realization seems challenged and difficult.

Three methods of expression were taken, almost as a collage of images in one’s mind, vibrant colours depicts the dream. Grey symbolizes the present: career, finances, endless deadlines and time, which are portrayed by everyday items: set square, calculator, planner, and a watch that “time” finally comes to a stand-still on the canvas. Ink as a medium to explain the journey, from imagination to reality; translating between dream and future, via ink, stroke by stroke. The green sapling symbolizes a new beginning, fresh and new. How many dare to boldly take this step to start afresh- a new beginning?

Almost Ready

An illustration which was delayed for a month cos I was afraid of "kanna sue", as shown above, hope you catch it, perhaps only those in the building industry can appreciate the comic. It is just for laugh, and it is altogether hypothetical.

Another week has passed, I have been counting down since I stopped "working". I felt rested, and ready to set forth, and start afresh at last. And yes, I have finally acted, though it may take quite a bit of time before any further progress, but at least I have taken a step forward, and I am leaving the rest for my Shepherd's further input.

So in the meanwhile, time is really precious, there are still quite a bit of things done halfway through. This break to me has been fruitful, I have finally started on what I set out to do right from the beginning, a childish pursue but I felt it is worth all the while...been working about 8-10hrs a day at home on my own, no one to impress, just wanted to act on a long time dream and the satisfaction is rewarding. The time flies and work doesn't really feel like work, though there is no monetary gain yet. There are times it seems there is no inspiration, and yet there are times rivers flow unceasingly. B, may need your help soon, to check through my stuff, can? Think another 1 week it should be ready... Thanks, remembered you said you can help me?

It's been years since I spend so much time at home with my mom, perhaps the last time was when I was in my university. Unlike most of my peers, I am one who worked pretty well at home alone, for I am someone who didn't like to be compared with or to compare or interested in what others are doing, or having peers looking over my shoulders to see what I was doing or had completed, as I just didnt like to be in a competitive working environment, I enjoyed doing things based on my little target set each day and at my own pace, almost like a scientist in deep research. For I felt most at ease working in this manner, and strange enough, this method of working has never caused me to be the slowest, in fact many a times, I ended being one of the fastest among my peers. And this has been my methodology for the longest time, even when I am working in the real world.

Been pondering. I thank the Lord for this working methodology, listen and look within my heart, for the answers are there already, supplied by the Shepherd. There were a few occasions I adopted others' methodologies, looking to others for inspiration, comparing my speed with my peers, trying to conform, to impress and please people above, and the results have turned out almost disastrous. As I looked back (it is a bad habit to keep looking back), those miserable last few months when I was feeling frustrated was perhaps I was trying so hard to please, to live up to what I thought I was supposed to be? And perhaps I started comparing, looking outward instead of within and looking to others instead of Him for assistance? For that period of time, I forgot I was working as unto the Lord, which was what I was doing before that all along. Let me never forget this again, my Shepherd.

I have learnt a little during this break. May my Shepherd always, constantly remind me that He alone is more than sufficient for me, and He will always supply. Cheers!

16th June 2007

MY NIECE

Yesterday was my niece’s 21st birthday. In fact, I was planning to post a special illustration yesterday just for her, but there was simply no inspiration and therefore it is postponed until now, when the idea came last night at a concert. Hope you like it, Xiang, you are forever as lovely as a rose, prized highly in the Shepherd’s eyes. In fact, both your sis and I thought of getting you a bouquet of flowers last week when we celebrated together with you…cos of various reasons…. We didn’t get in the end… so here it is, a pretty lasting rose so long as this blog continues…. We as a family love you deeply! Have not been catching up with you much, as you have been so busy with work, though hearing news about you on and off from your sisters and mom, how fast time flies, seen you grow from a baby into a pretty young adult (this does not mean I am old), at times a babysitter for you (I think I did, cos I baby-sit your sisters so many times, I presume I did that for you too)… you have also been an item for my sketches when I was schooling, I looked through my old sketches, there was a portrait of you with your pillow and pacifier, didn’t have the courage to post that, as the sketch needed quite substantial touching up before it is presentable. Our Shepherd has given you wings to fly and excel in your dream, and therefore continue to dream big! You are ever so bold and sure of what you wanted to do in life, may you in the pursue of the dream in your heart, that your revelation of His love for you increases everyday!

MY FRIEND

This illustration is also dedicated to a beloved friend, who is going through a difficult time now. I know my lovely niece will be glad to share this illustration with you too, as this picture came when I was thinking of my niece and you. Friend, quit doubting about yourself, you truly have a talent placed in you from above (write this cos it is true and not mere comforting words, it is so visible to us, perhaps you can't see), you are just in the middle of the journey, and you have not seen the plan of God for your life unfolded fully before you yet, surely He who places the dream in you will provide you with the strength and ability to fulfill that dream as well. I will always be a listening ear whenever you need, but most of all, our Shepherd will never leave you alone. Love you, friend! You will come out of this stronger with the Lord soon. You are a precious beautiful gem to Him, for He deems you worth His entire life!

16th JUNE 2007

A lot on my mind today, as I would normally spend the entire Saturday morning reading the papers, as it was the only free day in the past to catch up with the entire week’s news, and I would read almost anything except sports and money, somehow these 2 don’t excite me that much. Therefore this explains the length of today’s journal, cos so much needed to be penned down.

Read about the slaves in the brick kiln, read about how some people survived with US$2 a day. And then I read about space travel possible soon, costing one about $300 000 per ride into space yesterday. How disparate 2 lifestyles that can co-exist in this world, where on one extreme, people are living in abject poverty, while a few are spending millions on seemingly crazy pursue. Lives seem of no purpose in the first situation, when humans are treated like working robots. It reminded me of a question I did ask myself when I was a kid while watching all those Chinese kungfu drama, how people killed one another, especially in scenes where there was a war going on, how all the soldiers who were dying in the background became seemingly just props for the story, didn’t they too if in real history, had families, where each of them meant a great deal to someone, yet why was it that they became so common and just one in so many here in the small screen? Isn’t everyone in this life remains forever dear, unique to another individual, be it one’s parents, friends and most of all, our Shepherd? (Think too much lah!)

Then I went on to read my favourite sections of the papers, Life! And Saturday. somehow both touches on a hyper sensitive topic to me, architecture, one that can evoke much talk from me, so here it goes. En bloc and iconic buildings were the 2 topics. In the last 6 years working in this field, interesting enough, I have actually touched on situations related to them, just before I left my job. I would say it is a really sad thing to begin with, buildings were thought to be built to last a lifetime? Yet now, building stands for 10 years and it is time to be torn down. (Perhaps that is why I really didn’t want to do condominium design anymore?) Gone were the days of those childish dreams of an architect of building something that last? Architecture has become a style, a fashion statement? I thought buildings were for the betterment of mankind, to create a space to engage, hold a dialogue, evoke feelings, and possibly improve human lives. And the idea of iconic buildings? I have seen the Beijing’s new grand theatre from afar in my last trip, and to be honest, I am not at all impressed. Iconic without a story is an empty shell. Perhaps my ideal sounds childish still, good design should have an engaging story, a deep-thinking process involved, and the beauty came forth as a result, this I saw in the beautiful Temple of Heaven, Tabernacle of Moses, in them nothing redundant, everything oozes with meanings and symbolism. I have never produced a work of such caliber so who am I to be a critic of others? (Only in Him will that be possible in my life.) Paiseh…. Perhaps the Jewish Museum in Berlin would have come close, though I have never been there myself (wish to go one day)… and anyway… the registration is full for the Daniel Libeskind’s talk this coming week, before I even had a chance to register!!! Sob! (I must have been too “bitter” of not getting a place and therefore become such a critic!) Who would offer me a seat to attend? Help, Daddy God!

Painting . Architecture . Cartoon . Change . My Shepherd

Painting is a passion, Architecture is my rice bowl, Cartoon is my dream, but the Lord Shepherd is my All.

Life’s dilemma entails a great deal in decisions. Everyday, we are challenged almost at any instance, to make decisions, some are harmless, some constitute great impact to our future while others create no small impact to others. Be it deciding what to eat for lunch, shall we watch this movie or that, what shall I do next, this project or another, shall I take up this job or not, shall I accept the Lord’s offer of salvation, etc, they are decisions we have to make at one point or another, some may have great consequences.

The 1st real painting since I started my working career, has finally finished yesterday, after a week of fulltime painting (with OT but done willingly), now in the touching up process. Looking back, I only painted twice for myself, once close to the turn of the year 2000, and the other one, now. Those I did in school were mainly to fulfill school’s requirement, and in fact, I was doing more designing than painting in the past since my secondary school days. I realize only recently that I actually quite like still life, and composition of different methodology of presenting an artwork, and I didn’t know I can actually paint quite well…(boasting here), that my Daddy God has actually given me a gift that I hardly use all my life… At least not too late in discovering it now…

Architecture to me is still a love-hate relationship, though through the years, the Lord has helped to dissipate the hate aspect more and more, and love for it has increased at a very fast pace. To be honest, designing is not 2nd nature to me, it seems that I always have to go through a process of deep quietness, a pondering process, even at times struggle, almost to the extend of needing to seek the Lord for breakthrough each time, and perhaps it was precisely because of this, there arised a “dislike” of it, as everything seemed so unsure, yet it makes me ever so dependent upon the Lord, as only through architecture, can I see I am nothing without the Lord. Yet the satisfaction when the idea drops from above, is beyond words.

Drawing cartoon is a dream I had as a child, seeing my brother drew cartoons at the corner of his book and flipping it quickly always amazed me, and Walt Disney (the person) is always an inspiration to me. To produce cartoon be it in the form of a book or even a movie (dreaming still) that captivates the human heart is a dream… For cartoon unlike art found only in museum and gallery, is a layman’s art, that anyone can relate to, and this is what I really love, I call it art for the simple folks, cos I am also simple.

Now in the process of in between jobs. I have difficulty deciding the next step, indeed… I have. To be honest, I am afraid, as I didn’t want to be trapped in the mindless attempt of struggling to keep up with the schedules in work anymore, all seems so vain and crazy, the rush, the datelines, the occasional “rejections”, abortive works, now that I am out of the picture, I can see it objectively. Change, is it possible in this line? Can Architecture be to me a hobby rather than a rice bowl? All things are possible with God.

Amid all these, a decision... only the Lord knows the next step… He leads me beside still waters, He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name’s sake… Meanwhile, I am still in indulgence… Selah.

Beginning of Baa & Meow?

Been feeling great recently, and I mean GREAT! For the past few weeks, I have finally started the engine of my train, to start doing what I have been wanting to do during this “sabbatical break”, that is to draw and paint. I am having such great fun in my time of solitude, and I am still in the midst of it! I had almost forgotten what it was like to paint, and even forgot the fact that I can actually paint!!! When was the last time I decently paint a painting, except those small ones I did for this blog, it could be more than 5 years ago? In fact, I am really thankful to God that this blog has spurred me on to draw again, a hobby that I love very much. It has become a tool to express and a tool to encourage, especially myself.

Painting to me has a strange therapeutic effect, it has the ability to relax my mind, and I really enjoy the process, of mixing colours, painting on the canvas, standing back to check proportion and colour, etc. I am thankful to my Shepherd for giving me the ability to draw and paint, and most of all, for using this to teach me to rest, and also it has no agenda attached as I truly have no one to impress this time round except perhaps myself!

The truth is I may have finally rested quite a bit recently, somehow I caught myself with “heightened ability” to notice the unnoticeable and small sudden spur of inspirations here and there, to see things which I don’t normally do. For the past week, being alone, having to visit the neighbourhood to get lunch, dinner and papers, I started noticing my estate, my neighbours, my surrounding, and I felt so blessed. One of them is my neighbour’s cat. (Remember I mentioned about my neighbour’s cat?) You would never know that it has in fact become a source of inspiration to me.

One day as I was going out of my flat to run an errand, I saw my neighbour’s cat, lying lazily along the corridor, looking out through a gap in the parapet wall. It is having a great time of its own, I pondered. At that moment, I was actually jealous of it (fancy the fact that a human being is envious of a cat?), it does not need to worry about the next meal or to find a job to stay alive, and it is so well fed, having all the time in the world to play! I was then reminded that I am in a better position that it, as I am the prized possession of my Shepherd. Selah.

I realized several times my inspiration comes while I am having my shower, and this happened again today. I had an idea of a comic strip which can run for a long period of time coming to me in that instant, “Baa & Meow”, the enmity between the lamb and the cat living within the same estate! Cool! So this is it! I have started on the draft for the cat, searching for the perfect cat image to match my lamb. Please vote, pals, bearing in mind how my lamb always look!

Having so many things I want to do, and in fact I am kept pretty busy almost everyday, drawing, painting, learning new software, reading etc etc, I am also already experiencing haven! This to me is really enjoying life, no need to spend much, yet so fulfilling and feel so enriched everyday. I am excited, having so many things to do and to learn… hope you too have an enriching week ahead! Cheers, pals!

(A friend commented that I look so relaxed recently, the "tense" look has slowly dissipated, all thanks to God for inventing the principle of rest! And also thanks to all my dear friends and loved ones out there, for the past few weeks, I have been reminded by them to think about asking for copyright and even publishing my comic in the physical world and not in virtual world, I will start to look into this seriously. But the Lord has to open the door for me, please pray for great favour for me then in this area, actually I am totally blur as to how to proceed with this, although I say I will start looking at it seriously.)

Home Alone . 5000 Hits

Been pretty busy since. Celebrated my XX birthday over the period of last week, simple, cosy get together times with family and friends. This week is perhaps one of those rare weeks that I am alone at home for 5 days, as my mom and brother are away. Having to do a little housework which otherwise I would not be bothered, so that I can at least survive, like boiling water for self-consumption, watering the plants, prepare some simple meals if I am too lazy to go out to get my food.

Despite the fact that I have spent quite a bit of time drawing since the past week, I have done none for the blog.... therefore this explains the above, a collage combining 2 past works.... just felt this deserves an illustration to celebrate the 5000 hits mark and yet I had little time to draw one. Thanks to all friends who have supported this blog. There are simply so many things I want to do in this month. For example, to learn (self-study) to do some simple web design and to publish one perhaps to earn some profit, to paint a painting for myself to mark a new beginning (still conceptualizing), to draw a dream I have been cherishing for the past year, started on this, but the task is quite daunting, and it has been a long time since I really, seriously draw, as in DRAW.... Time is so precious!

So I wouldn't be writing too much, time to switch off my mind now for a little TV entertainment... Tomorrow is a brand new day with new inspiration from the Lord! Cheers!

A Taitai's Life?

Ok ok, so there is no excuse for not producing new illustration, now that I am free, but strange as it seems, I was really quite busy the past week, I wonder why, though I am not working. (The above illustration is a re-render of an old piece of work about 2 years back, sorry no new work today.) How did I spend my last week, I ponder. I really didn’t do much but it just flew past me.

As one of my ex-colleagues asked me “Are you living a Taitai’s life?” Perhaps, a little bit of that this past week. I did a few days of errand running, shop for birthday gifts, visit the museum yet again, spend time with my mom, and that is it, the week is over, and I have yet accomplished what I should be doing… No more delay, now that the portfolio is done and even updated…

Though I feel I have yet rested enough… at least for the next week, it will be my gift to give myself a little break, plus it marks the special occasion that this blog has entered its 3rd year. Hope it will reach 5000 hits by next week! (Maybe I should keep going to my own blog to achieve that? Self-effort!) I wonder how long I would still continue drawing for this blog, as I would want to invest a little more time in other illustrations, I pray for His grace and wisdom and strength for embarking on a little dream of mine in the coming month, hopefully it can be accomplished by then, grace grace, before I choose to go back to a routine life-style? Somehow for the past 1.5 months since I started my “no employment”, my daily life has been almost unpredictable, I never really know what I would be doing the following week, almost everything takes me by surprise, though I am glad for the adventure. The amazing truth is that my daily life and expenses have been well-taken care of by my Shepherd. He is ever so faithful. There are suggestions by close ones that perhaps I should consider taking up this life-style for a while, to me, this is like walking in total faith (or to be worldly rational: total uncertainty) and it seems really quite a huge test for me. Unless the Lord speaks to me very loudly, in lightning and thunder, I guess I would opt to be a simple employee.

As for the weightier issue for my pondering over this architectural career, it seems a slight little clearer now, but I would not write on this heavy topic till time permits.

Meanwhile, wish you all too have a restful and enjoyable week ahead! I believe I sure would, as that will be the Lord’s gift to me this week! Shalom!

Great Wall

A sketch of my visit to the Great Wall at Badaling! Awesome and unforgettable! This is an attempt of combining colour pencils with photoshop rendering. Really grateful to Papa God that I got to see another wonder this year, without me even asking! A contented beloved lamb indeed.

Journal in Beijing

16 May 2007
It’s been quite a fun trip, I went to the Temple of Heaven on Sunday, and what a tremendous experience I had, despite the fact that I missed a Sunday service, I felt almost that I had an encounter with the Lord, as He brought us through the tour, reminding us of the beautiful work that Jesus did as the sacrificial lamb that died on the cross for us. Everything there oozed forth with biblical truth, the 12 gates of heaven, the 3 tiers, 3 doors, about the Son of heaven, the without blemished calf that was used for sacrificing, the Emperor, the One that offered the sacrifice once a year to the God of Heaven, the God of harvest. The similarities between the Jewish and Chinese ancient sacrificial ceremony are almost endless, I was awed by the whole truth unfolded before my eyes, to the effect that I was literally feeling goose bump at the end of the journey through the temple.

I also went to the Forbidden City, though it was great fun, but nothing beats Temple of Heaven and the experience I had. We went to 798 art district yesterday, it is an old industrial warehouse area that was converted into a place for housing contemporary artists. The setting for the different art galleries was pretty awesome, except that many of the art works were quite disturbing, touching on extremely sensitive topics.

However, I would say the most fun part was the trip we had today, to the Commune by the Wall, Badaling and Olympic Village. It was an eye-opening trip to me, totally absorbed in the world of architecture, from ancient civilization to the most modern buildings ever to be built. Commune by the Wall is a hotel development, made up of 11 villas and a clubhouse, designed by 12 well-known Asian architects. Many of them were really inspiring, being sited in such a scenic environment, with the great wall as their backdrop. We climbed the great wall at Badaling, although we cheated, we took a cable car up to almost the midpoint and climbed up to the highest peak we could see and took the cable car down again. It was so awesome! The climb was very challenging, as the slope was so steep.

We ended the wonderful trip today with a visit to the still under construction Olympic Village, although the buildings are not all up, they are so beautiful to behold already, the bird nest, the bubble swimming complex, etc, are so beautiful, really making it all worthwhile to visit Beijing just to take a look at these buildings when they are completed. And to make it even more awesome, the Lord blessed us with a beautiful blue sky and nice temperature throughout the day, a fact that many of the residents of Beijing told us was quite rare, as the sky there is hardly blue most of the time.

Just as I am looking back, never did I expect 2 months ago when I decided to leave my job that I would actually be going on a tour and visit Beijing, a place that I have wanted very much to visit for quite some time and didn’t come to fruition. My Shepherd really knows that I needed a good break, the dream of my heart to visit Beijing and a need for an inspiring design spur again. Thank You Lord for the trip! Life is really exciting, walking a step at a time, though not knowing what the Lord has in store for me for the next step yet, I know He has my best interest at heart, and whatever that happens, He is in control and all is going to be alright and better. Lord, help my unbelief!

I will be back home to face reality again, decision, decision, decision. Need to move on and decide on the next step soon, or rather let the Lord decides the next step for me. Cheers, He is surely in control! Shalom!

17 May 2007
Finally it is time to go home, taking the early morning flight back to Singapore tomorrow. It was a fruitful trip, I saw the vibrant architectural scene in Beijing, visited several scenic places, and almost finished a book I wanted to read in my stay here, and hopefully I can finish it tonight.
I didn’t shop as much as I did as compared to all the holidays I made in the past, not that there were not many things to buy, on the contrary, things were quite attractive here. But perhaps the emphasis this time is really to work and to take a short break by sightseeing. I did enjoy my stay here, though a bit thriftier than I normally would. I hope my next holiday will be to a place where I can just stay by a still quiet lake for a few days, read a little, draw a little and study a little, I believe my Shepherd hears my prayer.

Going home is always the best thing ever, despite how much I enjoyed my holiday, after all, I am a very homely person and nothing beats home and my mom’s simple cooking. Guess I will continue my writing when I touched down in Singapore, either tomorrow if I am still “alert” after the pretty long flight, or Saturday then.

18 May 2007
Touched down today. Seems like back to reality, and next week will be decision week… Sigh, Papa God please advise! This trip seems extremely long, perhaps it was because it was a work trip more than holiday, though it was really quite fruitful to me, as I enjoyed the design process, and most of all, having only to do one thing at a time, plus great assistance given to me for all the logistics, which in the past, I would have to see to them personally myself.

Posted above is one of my comic competition entries…It is a re-rendering of an older comic I did about a year ago. I had not gotten time to draw any new comic yet, though they are already brewing in my head! Cheers!