Thanksgiving vs. Taking Things for Granted

I apologized for my previous journal which seemed to dwell in an air of unhappiness and discontent. I was indeed so for the past 2 weeks. Things have turned around during these last few days, and situation will surely become clearer after I come back from my long break in a few weeks’ time.

I have opted to be dropped out of a team of a “prestigious” project with the “unbearable” colleague, I can only tell Papa God, I failed to see that Christ loved him and died for him too, and I wanted a quick way out, and God in His mercy has allowed a way of escape for me, thank You, Papa God. I am thankful for being blessed with wonderful bosses that understood and did not insist on me staying in the team. Thank Jesus for great bosses that understand. “Prestigious” to me is not as important as compared to enjoying my daily work.

There is a great restructuring of the team I am in, and I am still adjusting to it, I will attempt to talk about it in future when I am back from my break. Guess I need to spend this long awaited break to think about my new team and trust the Lord with all the new team players. Lord, give me wisdom and grace, without You, I am truly nothing. Yet, I trust my Lord that this restructuring will result in better time management in the team, better welfare and greater efficiency, leaving all with more time with loved ones and yet able to accomplish our work and more, this is my prayer, Lord.

Many a times, we tend to overlook small little things in our lives, taking things for granted, and I am truly thankful for a wonderful pastor who reminded me today how blessed I am, and how much I already have. I am glad to be born and living, having all my senses working, able to walk, talk, see, smell, taste, touch, hear, and enjoy simple pleasures in life. I am thankful for a beautiful home to come back to after a long day work, and a nice warm meal waiting for me.

I am thankful that I have a close-knitted family, and a mom who loves us unconditionally. I am thankful for wonderful siblings who care and love one another although they each have their own families and we are staying apart. I am thankful that I am already an auntie with great nieces and nephews since I was seven. I am thankful for friends I have, friends of old, from primary school to university, wonderful co-workers and dear friends in the office, understanding bosses, beloved friends from church, a wonderful gang of caregroup members who care and pray for me always, a wonderful church that I grow up in and humble pastors who teach me the wonderful love of God and His Son.

Yet, most of all, I am thankful to Papa God for loving me so unconditionally, always trusting me again and again even when I failed many times, and my dearest Shepherd Jesus, who never leave me nor forsake me, and is always with me despite of my many imperfections and shortcomings, yet He loved me the same and died for me. Thanks Jesus.

I am thankful. I am reminded and learning to appreciate all that I have, and to enjoy the simple things of life, enjoy the journey of life itself. I reflected. I changed my mind, realizing my past 2 weeks of unhappiness partly came as a result of me losing sight of what I already have and kept looking at what I hope to have. Remind me always of this, Lord, truly I am a very blessed person, and in fact, I have everything because You are in my life, Jesus. I am learning to cherish all that I have now.

No Regret

Didn’t have a good sleep last night, or rather this morning, tossing and turning on bed, although I was extremely tired having reached home from work at 4am and having to rush to office for an early meeting. I am one who can fall asleep in less than 5 minutes the moment I hit my bed. Thus it was an unusual day for this to happen. Today’s blog will take on a sad note, do pardon me. I was deeply upset yesterday, and perhaps the first of a long time, I cried tears of sorrow.

Yesterday, I decided to get some cough syrup from the family doctor before I headed to work. I had a nice short stroll with my mom, chatting about work, food and simple everyday occurrences. Recently, I noticed my mom enjoy going shopping with me, which in the past, I could hardly drag her feet to go anywhere further than 30 minutes away by train.

I perceived she is lonely. In the past, she would not have wanted to walk all the way to the MRT station with me, yet yesterday she volunteered. I began to wonder what she does everyday at home, despite my giving her the best Chinese cable entertainment channels possible, helping her plan things to do when alone, teach her to go Orchard to shop which she never does when alone, as she tends to get lost in the underground MRT train, as announcement is made in English only. She is lonely. I can’t emphasis this enough to let myself know. I was arrested with this heartache upon realizing this.

In the midst of my busy schedule, now having a home to take care of, I felt an unknown burden which I may have placed upon myself, with bills to take care, and added responsibility, for a moment, I lost sight of the reason of why I worked for the past couple of months, and I realized I have unknowingly fallen into the trap of working too hard and late into the wee hours of the day. Is it worth all the while? I repented.

I hardly see my mom everyday except for the brief 15 minutes in the morning when I am having breakfast, as several nights when I reached home, it was already late. Yet all these have never bothered me so much until yesterday, coupled with working with an unbearable colleague, who really made my work which used to be fun into a chore. I dreaded working with him, who has the ability of making a relatively fun project into a strenuous task, stretching my working hours into the wee hours of the night, because of that.

I was mad, frustrated, and this was further aggravated with sorrows, guilt and emotional pain. After a long day at work, on my way home on a cab, raining cats and dogs just before dawn, I saw a familiar figure standing at the lift lobby at 4am, it was my mom, waiting at the void deck for me. What if I did not come back till 6am? She must have stood there for more than an hour. My heart sank, and I cried, alone hiding in the toilet cubicle, fearing anyone to see. My eyes are opened. I repented. Sorry, mom, I should know better. It is not the money that I gave her that shows her I care, but my time with her.

During the short few hours in bed this morning, I finally made up my mind that I would let my boss know, hopefully something will work out to reduce my workload, and I would have no regret even if I am to resign. And indeed, I did, after the presentation that we rushed out the previous night, I did precisely that, I relented to my boss in a clear, concise email, and a sense of joy came and the burden left me totally. I know I did the right thing, I know I got to let go, and trust God. I know it is time to prioritize the things I value in life. Thank you Father for making me see. Thanks, Dad, thanks, Jesus. No regret. All things will surely turn out for good. (I do have a good working environment and a good boss, despite of that "hard to work with" colleague.)

Now I know what is precious to me, spending time with my family, having time to attend church and bible study, is indeed a blessing no money can buy, time with my loved ones. And now I finally see and know. No more compromise, no more waiting till tomorrow to cherish and appreciate those you love, now is the time.

I am assured that tonight I will sleep like a baby, in His arms.

I am always fascinated with seashell. Isn't nature beautiful? Having just moved house, I can finally understand the hassle of moving around, upgrading apartments, etc. Yet Papa God is so amazing, look at the seashell, isn't it the home to a sea creature. It grows with it, adapting to its new needs and growth, and most of all, it moves wherever the owner moves, without packing and unpacking. This is the silent cry of a lazy person like me. Just a simple sketch, hope you too have time to look at a little beauty in nature today, certainly it is one of God's way of expressing His love towards you with His creation.

little lamb art

Dream

Yesterday was an unusual Saturday for us, as a family, since my mom, my eldest brother and I moved away about a month ago. So busy was the past few weekends, with house warming and office’s cruise, that I hardly noticed the difference until yesterday.

It is part of our family routine to have family dinner on every Saturday night. My mom being the binding force for the entire family, draws everyone together every Saturday. At least to me in the past, to have dinner together was effortless, as all my brothers and sister would come to my second brother’s place for dinner, and I needed not to travel at all, since I was staying with him.

Yet, things have changed since the day we moved. My house isn’t that big and spacious, and for the entire family to gather at my place seems a bit out of proportion. Thus, we gather we shall still meet at my second brother’s place for dinner. Yesterday was the first dinner after our moving away, it was a strange feeling to me, as we made the journey to my old place of residence for dinner. No longer do I wait for my siblings to come, but I travel to meet them. Perhaps, I was nostalgic, or not used to it, somehow it just felt a bit different for me.

I also experienced a strange and yet familiar feeling again yesterday. Seems so familiar, it reminded me of the day when I passed the exam to qualify as an architect. I felt I was finally free to do whatever I want, to pursue whatever dream or something totally different, and to go anywhere, and even to give up architecture totally. As if a huge stone that I have unknowingly put upon myself, trying to work it out on my own, without Papa God’s help, has been removed. I felt a burden suddenly disappeared and I was ready and free to pursue my dream. This feeling came back again to me yesterday. Only now did I finally realize, I have truly moved house. For the past few months, I was so caught up with choosing the flat, buying the flat, getting the loan, finding the correct contractor, designing my flat, renovating and finally moving and unpacking, it is only now that it dawned on me it is finally over and I have a place of my own.

And at the same time, it freed me. For the past few months, I have been postponing all my travel plans, and dreams, thinking that all these can wait till I have settled down, and now, it almost caught me by surprise, it is all over and I can move ahead with my life to do whatever I want again, except for the unwilling loan at the back of my mind.

I wonder why I felt this way. It could be due to an old friend of mine. She has decided to pursue a long cherished dream of working oversea. All along, she is one of the few that to me, who constantly displays great passion for architecture. She can spend days to perfect a design which I felt already perfected. She explores, she experiments, she enjoys the process, and for that, I salute her and am proud of her for her boldness to move ahead to a land where her talent can be further sharpened. I wish her all the best in her journey, and most of all, during this phase of her life, may she and her husband find the greatest love ever, the love of Jesus.

As for me, I still cherished within me some precious long time dreams, I am still not so sure whether architecture will be my lifelong career, yet for now, I enjoyed it, the joy of seeing spaces and forms in my mind and transforming them into blueprints and finally into reality, is still a thrill to me now. There are still many dreams, and though I am not sure how they are going to be fulfilled, I just know right within my heart, it is in His hands. Meanwhile, I just live a day at a time, enjoying the process while He continues to open door for me. Rest in Him is the key. Rest.

My Self Portrait

How can an aspiring artist cum cartoonist not draw some self portraits? So the above is my humble attempt, I am cute isn't it? (don't puke please.)

You must be really surprised to see this posting so soon, early part of the week, on a Tuesday. I thought this will be a great way to allow my smile to be permanently imprint on the screen, since one of my colleagues keep commenting how "forced" my smile looked at times, especially when I seem hyper "stressed" or busy. So here it goes!

In fact, I was thinking maybe I should take this opportunity to write a bit on myself, not to mention that I have always been writing on myself, and I bet you pals know me more through this blog than the past few years put together. Yet, I would still attempt to do so here, perhaps for the first and the last time. So please bear with me for this little elaboration.

I am a very shy person. I am afraid to express myself verbally in front of others, but I can express myself slightly better in words and pictures, that is why I attempt to write. Yet, people around me may think of me as a rowdy, fun-loving person, as I dislike sudden silence moment, and when such moment occurs, I will always either try to make fun of people, make a fool of myself to draw some laughters from others, or try to make people talk. However, many a times, when friends are alone with me, especially when it is one to one, you will find me extremely quiet, and that is me. I don't open up my feelings to people very often, and if I do to anyone, that one must be a very dear dear friend, yet I am a pretty good listener. But I speak to Papa God all my ups and downs, for this is the very private "little lamb", me. But I am a bit blunt in speaking my opinions, people often described me as either very "true" or too "straight" (in Chinese).

I am also very conservative, the typical old-fashioned Chinese, who believe strongly in moral values and strong family ties, perhaps due to my upbringing and all the Chinese and Korean dramas I often watched.

I am not very fussy, and a not "into detail" kind of person, I don't really triumph in details, but I am a more big picture person, and that makes me very "man" in most of my thinking, sometimes I think people around me may think I think and work more like a man than a real man. (I am female, for your info, if you don't know.) I even shop like a man, very focused. One can attempt to distract me, but hardly anyone succeeds. Sometimes, I am so focused, I wish I can be more distracted, especially in terms of work, being task oriented, I tend to neglect people's feeling at times. So if I did offend anyone in the process, I wasn't intentional, just task oriented.

In a nutshell, I am a person with many faults, and uncountable imperfections. Nothing much to boast about, but one thing glad to always remind myself, I am still a beloved "little lamb" of God, His beloved child! Hope you see a bit of light of who I am from this! Shalom!

What A Sunday!

It’s already quarter past 12, and I am still here, writing. It is simply amazing how yesterday, Sunday passed by.

I just came back from an office’s cruise to nowhere. More a “strategizing cruise” for the future of the office. Initially, many of us were quite apprehensive about all the meetings we are going to have on board. Yet, looking back now, it seems pretty short and little, in fact, a bit too little, and that most of the work to be done were the directors’ part. I almost felt we did not really achieve the objectives of the trip. Anyway, this is just my opinion, and since this is my blog I am entitled to my own opinion.

Much can be said about today, this was an unusual Sunday to me, that I actually only attended half a church service. I rushed to church the moment I hit coast, knowing that if I were to attend a later service, I was sure to be really tired, with even shorter attention span and concentration ability, and that was why I rushed straight to church while I was still bright and cheerful after the cruise… and some of you must be asking, why don’t you just miss once? And you know what? I couldn’t, I couldn’t help myself. I need to recharge, and this is the place where I can always feel “fully charged” after service, and knowing that I have a long week ahead, and many challenges await me, how could I let it pass? Therefore this is my reason. I love listening to sermons, and I think this is also the secret formula to be efficient at work for the following week.

Anyway, having only slept for less than 5 hours for the past few days, the prized item today was my bed, the thing I longed for, my queen size bed…. After having slept on a smaller than single bed, on the upper deck with little headroom on the ship, this was a great relief to me, and suddenly I felt and realized how blessed I am, which I actually never knew of cherishing until now.

And yes, all my dear colleagues out there, my dear cabin mates, I have a great time with you all, pardon our little differences and thanks for the guitar, it was a nice little time we have while we waited for our turns for the bathroom. And also the Taboo game and the silly game I taught you all “chop chilli chop chilli chop chop chop.” But wasn’t it great fun? And suddenly we were all back to childhood? And pal, watch out, don’t you dare show people all my funny shots!!!!! I will definitely from this day forth, lengthen the time of my smiles at you!

And all readers, pardon me, no picture today, as I am still a bit too tired even after a 2-hour nap. Will definitely post a picture soon this week! Good night!

Once Upon A Time

Who can shout, jump, run and even publicly display the most intimate behaviour without being ashamed or still remain oblivious to the onlookers?

The other day I was on the train on my way home, intending to spend the journey home catching a short nap, after securing a seat. Much to my dismay, before I could do that, I heard the loud conversation, almost shouting from 2 young sisters, age about 4 and 7 years old, swirling around poles, running from one end of the cabin to the other end, treating the cabin as a children’s playground. We, onlookers, all of a sudden, became props in this new found playground of theirs. As both parents are seated far apart, they try to catch their attention by shouting, being totally indifferent to the surrounding.

It was not too long before they finally gotten several empty seats, and the whole family sat down together. This was when the next outstanding scene took place. (In fact, during the entire trip, there was no dull moment, simply by watching them.) The sisters were obviously greatly in love with their parents especially their mom and vice versa. With no sense of awkwardness or uneasiness, they started displaying their love for their mom, trying to force kisses upon her.

For a moment, they were the stars on the train, everyone’s eyes were upon them, watching their every move and speech. Yet, the look displayed on every onlooker was not a look of disgust, but of envy and smiles, with me included as well.

It was truly a beautiful sight, a heart warming Kodak moment, perhaps almost unforgettable. Just then, a question popped up, when was the last time we did this to our own parents? It seemed so far away, almost like “once upon a time”, it must have taken place before.

And just a little sidetrack, isn’t this what Papa God wants us to be before Him, to be totally oblivious to our surroundings, with our eyes only on Him, He being our Person of interest, and Him alone? How difficult it seems at time for us to come to Him like that, yet it is easy when we start to see ourselves as His beloved little children, which in fact is what we really are in His eyes.

You Are Welcome

I am always glad to know that my dearest Shepherd is always with me especially now that I have moved into my new place. I just had a small cosy housewarming with my family members on Saturday, and then I realised my place is really quite small, it seems pretty crowded when all come home. Also, all my dear friends out there, not sure if any of you would want to come and visit, you are most welcome.
little lamb art

Eventful Weeks

Last 2 weeks were truly eventful, and I do not wish to go through the same kind of schedule for the next 3 years if possible.

We did not employ any professional mover, anticipating that it should be pretty easy to move, since we did not have much furniture, only my computer and a 17 inch TV being my 2 biggest possessions. However, much to our miscalculation, all the smaller items, making up largely of books, clothes, toys, and other stuffs that we have never foreseen, were quite a large quantity, and that it actually took us more than a week to move them with my brother’s van, making an average of 2 to 3 trips a day, and perhaps 5 trips or more on the weekends.

On top of that, there was still the strenuous work of having to unpack, tidy up, and the unfortunate event of seeing my computer “homesick”. It actually “dieded” on me on 2 occasions even after repair, and that the technician had to come twice to attend to it. It must be seriously “homesick”, perhaps it will be soon for me to part with it, in a year’s time or so. Before that, I had to backup all the data and especially all my illustrations and mp3s.

Besides, it was also one of those extremely busy week at work, the week before last, when we were moving boxes over from the previous dwelling, that I was unable to attend to most of the moving, as several nights were spent in the office, rushing for presentation. An as soon as there was a free night, I got to make an effort to rush home to pack and unpack.

And then there were new emerging challenges, of getting used to the new place (for me is less but not so for my brother), sleeping on a new bed, meeting new neighbours. Most are well except for the neighbour’s “dirty” cat, which has the habit of urinating along the common corridor. I am not an animal hater, but I am definitely an environmentalist, being in the building line, especially against environmental pollutions of any kind. There are already “crazy” thoughts such as complaining to town council or even contemplating “extreme” measure of putting a “poisonous” fish outside my apartment, and if the cat “happened” to come over for its daily routine, that is it. (This is just a hypothetical thought, please do not take it seriously or use this to sue me, it is just a joke.)

And I really dislike wires now, wires of any kind, so many different machines and gadgets to fix, that I actually spent so many hours putting them together, even after reading all the manuals, etc, I could still get them wrong! Anyway, I just finished from a 4-hour long laborious war with hooking up the wires for my new dvd recorder and scv cable. I almost wanted to call up SCV to get them to send someone over to solve it, until I realized that I did not know how to use the remote control correctly. Now I have 4 remote controls on my TV console, it is really confusing, why couldn’t man simplify things? We have so many gadgets to do so little things, and Papa God is able to use so little things to do so many things! (To illustrate my point, refer to “Air” as an example.)

Yet in the midst of every cloud, there is always a silver lining or in another way of putting it, as I always say, “serendipity” event. Try to make a guess before you go on reading.

My long break is finally here, and the news of it came as a very pleasant surprise, and to be honest, I am extremely grateful to Papa God upon hearing the news. Remember a few journals ago, I was lamenting for a good break, and I was shocked how fast He answered my dream. I will be away for a 2 to 3 weeks break in October to November, many thanks to my boss. He was invited to attend a seminar in Italy, and since he was so busy, he actually recommended me go instead, what a blessing! And of course, when he asked me about it, how can I say “No”? And he had also graciously expressed that I could extend the stay on my own if I want. And why not? It was a part of the world that I never thought of going yet so soon, in such manner. Thanks, boss, you are the best, but I do not hope you will get to read this, just in case you get too puffed up. And sorry boss, for that 3 week leave I am applying, there may be quite a few things that you may have to handle personally while I am away.

And thank to Papa God for a co-worker pal who has kindly agreed to tour Italy with me. At first I was a bit apprehensive of traveling alone but not so now, with her around, thanks pal, I wonder how many times I have thanked you in my blog? You are a dear gift from God to me.

Meanwhile, from now till then, you will still see more of me here, in cyberspace.

Side track: I hope to bring along my sketch book and watercolor if they are not too heavy and be inspired, and hopefully use some of those sketches for the blog after that. Thanks again for you all, for always being so patient with me. By the way, what a long journal this is, you can see how much I missed it!

Finally...

I have finally settled into my new place. The past few days were really eventful, and I guess I would probably take the next blog, a proper journal to write about it. I am just updating a little now, just in case I lose all my friends and dear readers or "secret admirers" out there (Just a joke!), in case all of you think that I have given up on this blog.

So many things have happened, and I would just update on one, my computer was homesick, as the way my colleague has put it, and therefore it went to the hospital for treatment for 1 day, how I missed my computer, that I actually felt like "mourning" for it. I was intending to update my blog on Tuesday, after I have gotten my broadband on Monday. However, it just wouldn't start properly on Monday night, and there it went for servicing. Then I realise I must treat my computer with care, as it is already old, according to my computer surgeon, as the harddisk is considered old after 2 years.

As for the housewarming, I am not so sure, on the one hand, I wish to share my new home with dear ones, and on the other, I am really afraid of receiving more gifts, after I have forced myself to throw away quite a lot. Friends, forgive me, I have not much choice for throwing your gifts away, as all the new shelves are already exploding with stuffs. However, friends, if you would like to visit my place, drop me a line here, I am just "shy" to invite you directly. Definitely, I would hope to invite you all.

Pardon me for not posting any drawing today, as I have yet installed several of my essential programs. In fact, today, the moment I reached home, had my dinner and shower, I checked my emails (over 40 numbers) and am writing this blog now, so I believe all of you would understand, as I know you all are the most kind. I would definitely try to post a nice, wonderful blog this weekend, so stay tune. Thanks for being so patient and supportive of this blog. Thanks.

Still in the Process

I am still in the process of packing, about 80% of my stuff has been moved over to the new place. I didn't intend to write actually, yet thinking that it will still take about 3 days before I have any access to internet from home, I thought perhaps I should write one more journal today, before my pc is transported to the new place tomorrow. And I will be staying in the new place from this Sunday onwards.

Nothing much I want to express today, just a little picture to cheer everyone up, a different rendering of a similar drawing that I posted several weeks ago, not sure if you can recall. Hope it brings a smile to your face when you see this picture (one of my works last year), just as it did to me when I was drawing it, thinking about how Jesus would think of me, how His table top would be if He has one, etc.

Meanwhile, i have many things to update and write about, but I think I would save it for the next journal when I would have finally settled down, I suppose. Have a great restful weekend ahead, while your friend here will be exercising her muscle and patience in moving the rest of the stuffs over.

All dear friends out there, I may not be posting for the next couple of days, as I am in the middle of moving, and my pc will not be ready for internet connection till middle of September, therefore, I have published this little picture to keep you warm and remind you again of Jesus' love for you, how much He cherishes you and holds you in His bosom. Meanwhile stay warm and don't forget about this blog, even while your friend here may be "absent" for a few days. Do "visit" me still. And by the way, this is one art scene that I hope to draw again next time, in ink, pencil and also in the "lamb" series, so stay tune.
little lamb art

Packing

The process of packing to facilitate the moving has finally begun. I suddenly realized that I have so many things to pack, just within the 4 walls of my small bedroom. Then I discover that packing itself is an art, an adventure and a journey down memory lane.

Over the last 5 years while I stayed in this room, it has never dawn on me that I have accumulated so many things until today. These are not merely made up of just books and clothes but toys, bags, cds, vcds and dvds. Enough to open a mini rental shop, I presume. Even after packing about 5 big bags of stuffs, I am less than half way through my packing.

Packing was not an easy task, not to mention the strenuous effort required to undertake such an activity, but harder are the decisions required to be made in deciding to throw away items or to keep. Dilemmas strike me several times during the process. Several items were gifts from friends, and I regret to say, I threw away a few gifts, some of my toy collections and books. This was a painful process, but one has to be really decisive and courageous to do so, in order to move on. Therefore, to me, it is an art.

It is adventurous as while I am packing, I began to discover things that I never knew I have, or they have already been out of my mind for years, and indeed it was a really pleasant surprise for many of the items, realizing that I actually possess them, especially my cd and vcd collections, for instance, I actually didn’t know that I have bought some of those music cds at all, and quite a number are still left intact in their plastic coverings, waiting to be unwrapped.

Lastly, it was a sentimental journey. Many of the things I saw reminded me of those pasts I shared with my family and some of my beloved friends, and while looking through those old photographs, those dried up leaves and stones given by friends as souvenirs, those coke bottles and cans, those Mac Donald’s toy collections, it felt like the past was only yesterday. How I have queued overnight at Tanglin Mall several years ago with my friends and niece to collect those Hello Kitty toys. And what about those beautiful seashells? I bought them during my art trip to Malaysia with my secondary school classmates, and several subsequent trips oversea, and it again evokes the love I have towards seashells, their beautiful forms and colors, and how they reminded me that Papa God must have recreated them in view of us enjoying and appreciating their beauty. And the many birthday and Christmas gifts, such as photo frames, stuff toys, etc etc. How beautiful are many of those memories.

Packing is also a time of spring cleaning, perhaps not just physically but also mentally, how things have changed and perspectives and opinions have differed over the years. Things that I once loved may no longer be so precious anymore, and things that I used to view as not that precious has now become something to cherish and for safekeeping. Guess I will still be going through this process of spring cleaning for the next couple of days, and friends, do cheer me on while I move on, tiring yet pretty fulfilling, or do you want to try it for yourself and see if it is true, by giving me a hand?

Thank You

Thanks for all the support for this blog, now that it has received 1000 hits ( something that I have been looking forward to, and this happens within 3 months, this was quite amazing to me), what a “milestone”! On this journey of writing this, although I have lost much precious sleeping time, I gain a lot in the process. From the beginning, I endeavoured to publish twice a week and with my pretty hectic schedule, this proves to be a great challenge, yet it was never a drag or burden, but a moment of reflection, thanksgiving, discussion and point of contact with my friends and loved ones.

Twice a week I would ponder on what to write, what to draw, hopefully something refreshing, light hearted that brightens the day. You might have noticed that for every article there would be an accompanying drawing. However, perhaps for the 1st time so far, no picture is published today, but a new background is prepared for you. Why this background you would ask? For green represents newness of life, therefore this marks a new beginning in my life, a new chapter for the blog as well.

Indeed, many new things are happening around me and I am still trying to reconcile with this fact. My flat is almost done, and I would be moving in, in 2 weeks’ time. Sudden moments of emptiness fall upon my heart several times for the past few weeks, and caught me by surprise, as this would be the first time that this huge family will be staying apart, and I would be living away from my beloved little friends, my niece and nephews.

On top of this, new challenges face me everyday in my work, projects that I have never done before, a sense of stepping into the realm of the unknown overwhelms me and yet great expectancy of something exciting awaits me as well. I felt as if I am moving into a new phase in my career.

Just as there are climatic seasons (though we cannot say much about this in Singapore), there seems to be seasonal changes to life itself too. Seasons of meeting different group of people, establishing different types of relationship, and this is just one of those seasons I felt. Different circles of friends come and go, not that we are no longer friends, but some who used to be so close seem so distant now. Those days when I would normally hang around dear friends after church service for prolonged lunch sessions, or wonderful times at the karaoke, or even a really late night movie seem so uncommon these days. Is it because everyone is busy or is it due to my inability or my “busyness” that hinders me to catch up with them? I ponder.

My “long time ago” planned trip to Melbourne to visit a dear dear friend is long due and over, and has been postponed several times. Not sure when it will truly come to pass. I hope soon. Somehow I knew deep within my heart, my dear Jesus is silently reminding me “let go, and go enjoy a long good break”. Truly it is time to rest, guess this break is long overdue. The long overdue break should be fulfilled in a month or 2 after I have finally settled down in my new place and I should be flying off for a holiday. Meanwhile, I will be casting all my cares upon Jesus, for He cares for me. Soon, my break, soon. Yet He is my true break now.

Cherish The Difference

Recently, I have been pretty bothered, sparked by a question from a colleague, this is why I decided to throw aside my normal simple topics for my blog, and to look at a more global situation, yet hoping I will not bore you with this (for your info, I do think about global topics, just that I felt blog should be lighthearted and happy).

During my last 2-day trip to Hong Kong, other than being asked the above question, I also have some related discussions with another colleague. And this is also one fact that I was pretty bothered about, before and even after I became a Christian, so I shall be bold and write on this today. For my non-Christian friends out there, you can also take this time to understand a bit of us Christians, give me a chance to explain, will you?

I deeply believe there is always some quality in someone that we can always learn and respect. I look up to the housewives who gave up their dreams in pursuing a career to bring up their children personally. I look up to the refuge collection workers for their dedication in doing their job well, I look up to the uncle who takes pride in making the best coffee and toast, I look up at the roti-prata man in producing crispy pratas for his customers. Everyone is gifted and everyone is special, and I believe all of you out there who read my blog often, knew that I even wrote on some of these professions before, for I greatly respect them and I salute them even, for I am sure I will definitely not be able to do as well as them.

Now these are the questions I am often asked my non-Christian friends, which I felt it is rightfully asked, for I ponder on them too. Why are there so many denominations for Christianity? Isn’t it very confusing? Why are there apparent competition between churches? Why do some Christians dislike Christians from another church? It reminds me of those days in secondary schools, when we pit ourselves against the other schools, seeing them as our opponents rather than peers, and now when I have outgrown that age, how stupid those days seem to be. And this is exactly how I felt recently.

Hear me out before you throw stones at me (Thank God I am on the other side of the wireless line). A bit of church history, denominations came as a result mainly due to their founders, a rediscovery of a truth in the bible, and many denominations are named after their founders. Yet this to me is of no issue, as even siblings born in the same family has different names although we all share a similar surname. Just like there are many churches but we all Christians, carrying Jesus’ name in us.

I personally feel that all Christians are from the same family, whichever denomination one comes from, and this is doctrinally correct. I see my Christian fellows as my heavenly siblings, and I cherish everyone of them regardless of which churches they come from. And as I grow, I began to thank God for them, for I began to see the gift, the strength in each of the different churches, all are unique, special, with different functions, and no duplicate. That is why there are so many of us and yet no redundancy, but many failed to see this. Just like members of the body, no one is more important. It does not mean that because one is small in size it is lesser in value or one is big and therefore it is most important. And I believe I am speaking my Father’s heart. Just like we can’t say that because the skin occupies the greatest area in our bodies it is more important than the heart or vice versa. There is no competition and all complement each other.

For a few days, I was pondering on this, after a non-Christian colleague brought up to me about a church not liking another church etc, and for a short moment I was sad. Isn’t this a family issue, and such a shame that it is even discussed by someone out of the family? Aren’t we able to resolve it within walls, aren’t we all loved by Papa God? Aren’t we siblings?

Yet amidst all this, Papa God reminded me that nothing is too difficult for Him to handle. Somehow, somewhere, though I am not sure how, I just have this assurance in my heart that soon all of us will be united, and people will see us as one body. Yes, there will still be different churches but a HAPPY FAMILY, making up of multitudes of churches. And I rejoice now as I can almost see it already in my heart!

My Tired Legs

Wow, really surprised to see 3 comments on the blog about my eldest niece. Just to answer a few questions to those comments, I use water colors for some of the illustrations, but for the "sheep" series, i normally fall back on "photoshop". And Mei, as for a special blog for you, sure, if you are not afraid of me writing all those "scary" details I know about you?

Pardon my disappearance for the past few days. It was again one of those "serendipity" incident. I just came back from a "not planned" business-cum-study trip yesterday. (In fact, when was the last time where my business trip was not last minute?) The trip was only decided on Thursday at a meeting, when my boss became frustrated in failing to explain some buildings in Hongkong to my colleagues and I as all 3 of us had not seen most of them, that he decided to send us for a study trip. How our ignorance actually turn out to be a blessing, praise the Lord! (I was recently entertaining thoughts of going Hong Kong again for a short trip, and how it came to pass like that! Papa God is so good! This is what I mean by serendipity.)

It was a fruitful trip except there is a little disappointment. Fruitful in the sense that all of us enjoyed the trip and learnt quite a bit from what we saw, the layout, the interiors, the planning etc. This being the main agenda. Yet the little disappointment, besides the little time to shop, was my inability to use this opportunity to bond with my dear capable assistant. Despite the fact that we have been in a wonderful working partnership for the past 2 years (wonderful as in my own perception), I still regret to say there seems to be a wall between us, we could not really talk like good friends, although there is actually no gap, no hierarchy between us, we are equal, on the same standing, except that I have a few more years of experience than her, that's all. I always wonder, is it true that it is hard to develop a friendship out of such working relationship? Am I boring or difficult for her to talk to or relate to? Or is she too quiet? At times, I really wish she can talk to me more, and let me know her thoughts, instead of me trying to understand how she feels from her action and little speech if any, for I really hope to expose her to what she enjoys doing. But unless I know what she likes, I can only guess, isn't it? Yet I pray and know that Papa God will surely give me wisdom.

Anyway, just to give a few run throughs on the trip. Firstly, it was the walking. It has been a long time since the last time I walked so much! We have covered so much ground by walking, I believe if all these steps were added up, I may have walked from Jurong to Pasir Ris 3 times? However, the walk was still worthwhile, judging from what we saw and learnt in the process. It was a humbling journey for me, as the more I see and learn, the more I realise how little I knew. (I thank God for this reminder, only in Him, I am sufficient.)

Secondly, it was my pair of tired feet. I love and enjoy walking, and I can walk long distance. However, when compared to my last trip to Bangkok where I shop from early morning till late evening, I can't remember feeling as tired as how I felt for the past 2 days. In fact, presently my legs are still experiencing muscle ache, or was it due to my lack of exercise?

Finally, it was the shopping experience. This would be one of those rare occasions where I failed in my shopping, failing to get what I purpose to get, partly as there is truly very little time left for shopping, though we visited quite a few shopping areas. And also with a pair of tired feet, and little cash, shopping becomes a not so fun experience for me perhaps for the first time.

Yet, Overall, it is still a great trip, a good break from work, an eye opener, a time of increasing my limited architecture vocabulary, but a missed opportunity of bonding with my assistant. I am not sure if I would let my assistant read this, I doubt so, for I am very shy. Though I would use this opportunity to thank Papa God for her, for blessing me with a great co-worker, and my prayer for her would be that she too will come to know the depth, the width of Jesus' love for her. Thank you, my lovely assistant, Thank God for you.

My Beloved Family

Those who really know me know that I come from a big family, but few really know how big it is. The size of my family is a rarity now, in fact it is something that I am proud of, and thankful to Papa God. As the day of me moving away from this big household is drawing closer, and this being the first time that this huge family would be living apart, a sentimental sense of not willing to change this fact surfaces.

We, as a household, are made up of 3 different generations, and we stay in a moderately spacious house. It consists of my mom, who holds the family together, my eldest brother, myself, my second brother and his family. (If any of you out there are already speculating, let me assure you, there is no dispute in my family that requires us to live separately.) Not many people will believe, for such a large household, where there about 10 persons under one roof, (during weekends, it is even larger, as my sister and her son come over to stay, and during Christmas, the entire extended family, which includes all my other grownup nieces and my 3rd brother’s family come over) the family is most of the time full of peace and joy, I would say it is almost like an ideal family. (This happens ever since everyone of the family comes to know the Lord.)

I have 4 siblings, being the youngest. As a family, we went through thick and thin together. We had faced challenges in the past, yet all these were not able to weaken the bond but rather built up the love and trust over time. We cherish and we enjoy time being together. In my memories since I was seven, I never had a moment in life where there are no children in the family, and as far as I could remember, it is always noisy, lively and there are constant additions to the household.

My mom, my eldest brother and I are moving away next month, to settle into our own cosy little flat. Be it so, we still choose to stay close together with my other brothers, in the same district. One thing for sure, there is no longer a need for me to take a feeder bus to the MRT station, as it is just a few minutes walk away. There is no need for the 10 minutes late night walk to the 24hrs roti prata shop, as I will soon live right next to a popular food center.

On the other hand, I will definitely miss my 3 young nephews and niece, whom I stayed with for the past few years. There will not be someone who will greet me “Hao Peng You” (good friend in Chinese) when I reached home at night. There will not be someone who would fight with me for the TV remote control. There will not be someone who would share my pack of instant noodle late in the night. Thus, it seems like although I would gain some things, yet there are some precious things I can only hold as memories in the future.

How I would miss all these wonderful, simple, little moments. Yet I still believe that all things will work together for good and that no amount of distance shall be able to separate this strong bond that holds the family together, the bond being established by the love of God. Thanks, Daddy in heaven, surely You will see to it.

Blessed birthday! Heaven rejoices the day you were born! Thank God you have grown up and no longer fight with me over my food!
little lamb art

B's Birthday!

Today is a day to celebrate, as it is my niece’s birthday. I dedicate today’s blog to her as a birthday gift for she is an ardent supporter of this blog. How to describe my relationship with her? I wouldn’t say we are the closest (though we are close), but I dare say I knew her, the longest, since the day she was born (besides her parents and grandparents). In fact I played a huge part in raising her up.
Soon after she was born, she stayed with us during the day, while her parents went to work. I would describe my relationship with her then as a “love-hate” one. Much that I liked playing with her, there were times, I really disliked her. Those vivid memories of the past! I would try to elaborate a few below.

Very often, I was “forced” to give my mom a hand to put my niece to bed. She was such a difficult baby, she would not sleep unless we moved the old grandmother’s cloth cradle up and down with a regular rhythm (one that uses a piece of cloth tied unto a spring to the ceiling). But now, how she sleeps, she really enjoys sleeping! I often find her sleeping in one of our beds whenever she comes round to visit us these days.

I still recalled the day when she took my music exercise book and tore it, thinking it was a toy! I got the shock of my life! For that very moment, I felt the whole sky has fallen and I was stuck underneath it, feeling that there was no more tomorrow for me.

And how she would fight with me over my food! Let me give a little explanation before I proceed to pour out my grievances then. During those good old days, there was no such thing or shop known as “Breadtalk”, we had to buy our daily supply of fresh bread from a “roti man” who would come round the estate from block to block, from floor to floor, carrying a carton of breads, knocking on doors to see if anyone would want to buy them. (A bit like the garung guni man these days.) My mom would always get me my favourite Chinese ham bread. My niece loved the bread too. Many times, after she had finished her fair share, she would secretly climb to the table and nibbled away my share, which I wanted to save till later! I remembered how badly I cried, so hard, so upset!

There were also several occasions that I got to feed her when my mom was busy. Not knowing anything about hygiene then, since I was also just a kid being only 7 years older than her, I would bite her food in my mouth and put it back unto the spoon to feed her. Now as I think about it, it is really quite terrible and scary. Sorry, forgive me, Niece, I know no better then. I did that so that I could quickly speed up the process of having to feed you.

As she grew older, I became her tuition teacher, for Mathematics and Sciences. How I must have shouted at her countless times when she could not answer those terrible ten years series. During that period of time, I think she was quite fearful of me, because truly, I was a very stern, strict teacher. Not sure if I did help her through her studies though.

Yet today, she is already a grownup, in her early twenties. How time flies! From a saliva-dripping baby, to one who is now a kind, discerning lady. From a crying baby to one who now brings comfort to troubled kids. Even now as I bring you to walk along memory lane with me, how things had changed and how she has been transformed daily by Papa God to a fine person, from glory to glory. B, surely Jesus will give you the desire of your heart! Aza aza fighting! And a very blessed birthday to you and many more to come!

National Day

Today is National Day, a long awaited break for me. It’s been almost close to a full year since I last took a long holiday. That was last year’s August, when I made a trip back to Taiwan with my mom to visit her family. (This made me a “half” Taiwanese? My mom came over to Singapore with her adoptive parents, separated from her sisters and brother since young.) I am looking forward to a break soon, hopefully by November I can go for a 2-week holiday, to somewhere cool or cold. Anyway, this is just an idea.

Today is a family day for me. Seven of us, made up of my nieces, nephews and myself, we caught a nice, heart-warming movie “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. It has been close to 2 months since my last movie, how I missed the nachos and the smuggling of cheese fries into the theatre. I am a law-abiding citizen most of the time, except when it comes to food, I smuggled durians up the bus (I know I have a good friend who reads this blog regularly who dislikes the smell of durian, please forgive me for my little indulgence in food), I smuggled food that is not sold by the cinema into the theatre, I sometimes eat sweets, even very occasionally chew gum in the train. Forgive me for imparting really wrong values to my young nieces and nephews; this is one thing that I knew it is not good yet I still commit, because of the “sin of gluttony”.

I enjoyed the show tremendously, for it’s old fashioned family value and simple moral lessons to kids and even to parents, of not spoiling your children, not letting them watch too much TV, of not putting too much emphasis on achievement and winning, and finally the emphasis of enjoying what you already have, which is, your family, a simple down to earth story that I loved and I enjoyed greatly. If you have time for just one movie, do catch this one!

I also did something I loved to do other than the abovementioned; I saw the fireworks, not on TV but in real time. I loved fireworks, and am always thrilled by the impact, and the “woo wah” sound of standing beneath them, being enveloped by the lights and the short-term beauty. Saw one of the most beautiful fireworks I have ever seen during the opening of Esplanade. Saw several fireworks during several Chinese New Years and New Year Days. Saw the fireworks at National Stadium during the few occasions I was present at the National Day parade.

Today, I was so excited, upon hearing that there would be fireworks in several parts of Singapore, I actually dragged my mom and my eldest brother to accompany me to the nearest one to take a look. It was not the most beautiful I have seen, yet the event was still memorable, how we parked at the road side, and I stood in great anticipation for the release, not wanting to wink my eyes just in case I missed the first shot!

I love to see fireworks, despite they being so short life, yet precisely because they are so, that I tend to cherish them even more, knowing that it is a moment to be savored, and being only able to be stored in my memory. Therefore this painting above was also drawn from memory (not that beautiful despite my 2 attempts to paint them, realised it is not easy to paint fireworks), not with reference to any photos, this may not be those that you would ever see, as it is a composition inspired by several fireworks. Hope you too have a wonderful day today, either with your family or your friends, just like I did! Wish tomorrow is a holiday as well, how I envy students, for they do not have to go to school tomorrow!

I enjoy looking at Jimmy's books, and I don't deny I am influenced by his graphics, though I don't really like the pessimism found in several of his books. I learnt how to draw the tree trunk from his illustration. A strong healthy tree here, have a blessed week ahead!
little lamb art

Trees, Roots, Crowns

A colleague once mentioned to me, the crown of a tree is proportional to the volume of soil available for the root to grow, that is, one cannot expect a huge crown if the soil volume is limited. (So never expect a tree to develop a huge crown if it is in a pot, the size of the pot normally reflects the eventual size of the crown of the tree.) This was to me a very interesting discovery.

Most of the times, we only have a very superficial understanding of what we see, be it a newspaper report or a rumor, and tend to formulate our own subjective opinions from that. (I often fall into this, forming my own bias opinion.) For example, I may see a wealthy person, or someone who has a wonderful family or career, but I tend not to see the journey taken in the dark, in the closet, to reach where he or she is, instead I jump to my own conclusion. The truth is, that person may have gone through several failures before he reaches the success he has in his business. Or she may have cried several nights for her husband who was given to much wine and yet stayed with him through thick and thin, until her husband finally turned around and was touched and changed, before she has a blessed family now. Or another may have gone through dreams being dashed, and yet without losing hope in Him who is able to deliver her, and now able to stand strong and have a wonderful career. Yet how many of us bother to search out the truth behind someone else’s story, for most of time, we are pretty self-centered?

What am I driving at? Staying in the northern part of Singapore, I travel along Upper Thomson Road on several occasions, and there is this stretch of well shaded road with beautiful rain trees lined on 2 sides, which looks as if there are 2 rows of soldiers holding up their swords to welcome me like I am a royalty. (This is how I feel every time I travel along this road, so honored, and overwhelmed.) Yet for the trees to develop to such beautiful huge crowns, it takes several years, most of us would know. However, there is one thing that we never bother to find out, the depth of the roots of those huge trees. Huge trees would normally have deep roots. We only see the beauty above, but we do not look beneath the soil, at the roots. This is so like life itself. Somehow, I believe if one day, Papa God is to show us the journey in our lives, how He arranged events and paths to meet, and how accidental they may seem now, we would be extremely surprised, grateful and touched by what He has done.

Anyway, food for thought, pardon my babbling, not sure if you understand what I am trying to express here. This is just a recent thought, which I am not sure how to explain it, but still hope you can made out some sense of what I am trying to express.

Finally, just to give a short summary of how things turn out for me this past week. I was really, extremely busy. Yet Papa God has proved to me His faithfulness again. The presentation was changed from Wednesday to Friday, and the presentation materials were completed on time. Another good piece of news is my boss intends to take one project away from me (making it about 4 to 5 projects now). Not only that, he is also getting another assistant for me! How things turn out for our good! Praise God, my Jesus is surely faithful, although many times I am not sure how He is going to solve the problems at that very moment, yet He sure knows the way to do it and never fails! Isn’t He great and wonderful? Thanks to all you pals out there who have said a prayer for me too during this short, trying moment.

When I am weak, then I am strong, because His strength is make perfect in my weakness. His grace is sufficient for me, in fact, it is more than enough, overflowing! And it applies to you too!
little lamb art

Inadequate? More than Enough!

Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of doing something and you have no idea how to pull it through? Or have you ever found yourself in a midst of a situation where you wish you could just sleep through it? In cases such as this, often, a sense of inadequacy overwhelms us, propels us to step back or falter. It has been so for me for the past few days, my emotion went through a small roller coaster ride.

In my profession, there is hardly a day that goes by without any challenges. My job is seldom a routine, and almost everyday I am faced with situation I have never faced before, new design, new requirement, new project. This is a life long learning career indeed.

Often, when I looked back at such occasion where I felt inadequate, I knew that at that very moment I had lost sight of Him, my Shepherd, instead of looking to Him for help and strength, I looked at the mountains around me, and my limited knowledge and experience in handling such situation. The ever “familiar peer” by the name of “inferior complexity” crept in, trying to be my friend again, whispering doubts and fear into me, and several times, I unknowingly entertained him. Yet, I am thankful to Papa God who always sees me through overwhelming situation such as this.

Today, I reached home at 1.20am, after rushing 1 of the 6 projects, which is due on Wednesday. (Another is due today later in the afternoon. Thank God, I have a dear freelance friend who is helping me with that project. Pal, whether you believe it or not, you are a help sent by my Papa God to me. Thanks for being available when I needed help the most!) Till now, to be honest with you, I have no idea how I am going to finish my task due on Wednesday, yet I have learnt through the last few years, never was there once that my Shepherd has ever put me to shame. Therefore, being assured of this again, I decided to came home early today (this is considered early for a situation such as this) believing that there will be a miracle later. (I will keep you updated later this week on how it goes.) Strange, I actually feel fine and peaceful now!

Perhaps the actual breakthrough came last Sunday. On that faithful weekend, I brought another project home to do (not the above 2 I just mentioned), planning to do a little during the weekend, hopefully to alleviate my suffering for the coming week (due to accumulated work). In fact, I have almost finished the shopping for my home renovation except for some loose furniture now, so I was able to go home early on a Sunday, to start on this new project.

But I was exhausted! (This may be due to weeks of little rest.) I actually fell asleep at 10pm, after having just typed 2 sentences for this journal. (I woke up to shut down the computer at 1 am though.) For a long time, I have not slept from 10pm to 7am, 9 hours of sleep! (I actually wanted to go to bed now, but I am still waiting for my hair to dry.)

And you know what? At least for the next couple of days, I am reminded again, not to trust in my own puny strength. I am just going to go on enjoying my life, enjoy drawing for my blog, read my books, watch my Korean dramas, despite of all the works piling up, and watch what Jesus does for me! And friends, you too, step back and let Him do the work! Amen!

Wedding bells

Those of you who knew my busy schedule for this week would be surprise to see this blog today plus a picture somemore! (Actually I still have 2 backup comics in my picture bank, and I drew this about a month ago, just haven’t got the time to sit down and write the related topic properly) I am really very encouraged when I finally see “3 comments” in my blog. Thanks, pals. Before I go to the topic proper, I just want to give a short update on the past 4 days, how time flies, these 4 days felt like months!

I finally finished all the hassle of buying my light fittings, hating them, calling up consumer rights to see if I can change my light fittings, wrote complaint email to the light fitting shop demanding to have just those light fittings that I have paid as deposit ($300) rather than having all 10 of them ($800 actual purchase). In the end, I still lose, but I think it is a better interior design now (as all things will work together for good for me in Christ), after I have went back to changed almost 80% of my own selection.

Also, within these short span of 4 days, I was given another project to do, adding up a total of 6 projects plus to be a member in one of the committees in my office! (3 to 4 is ideal, 5 my limit, 6 is beyond me! 7 is perfect but fit for God only!) Not sure to cry or to rejoice, guess some of you know what I mean. But I finally “broke down” as I really felt totally helpless, so much to do, so little time, so tired, so frustrated, and therefore today I wrote a long email to my boss, asking him to either reduce my workload or give me another assistant. (6 projects to be shared between myself and my present lovely assistant, even if I am superwoman, I doubt I can handle, I again reached my limit, and again, I sounded like a broken record, brought it up to my boss again, yet this time in an email. One thing I simply don’t understand, this felt like a vicious cycle, it happens every 3 months.) Still, I love what I am doing, except as I always say, the long hours associated with it. Papa God, help! Only You can!

While listening to my 2 favourite songs now, I shall start on the actual topic. The following is dedicated to 3 good friends of mine, they all play a part in my life, and they are getting married in the following 2 to 3 months. Friends, this picture is dedicated to you, hope you like it.

Friend 1
Among all 3, you are the one that I knew the longest since college. Really happy for you. We hardly meet up these days, yet I can always remember those days in school, how you stand up to talk in class, you will definitely straighten your skirt, tidy your hair before you attempt to talk, really look like what your present profession demands, I can almost imagine you standing in court, tidying your shirt and your hair, and the firm look on your face. Congratulation! May the days ahead be more beautiful, and most of all, my prayer for you is that you may come to know the greatest love of all, the love of Jesus!

Friend 2
It’s been a long time since we talk, though I always see you. I am really encouraged to see how you mature, how you grow, and the passion and love that comes forth from you. Though these days we hardly catch up, you will always be a dear sister to me. (I remembered I learnt this particular trick from you during practice, not sure if you still remember, how you use the tongue to move the cheek from the inside, and using the finger to touch the cheek on the outside side, to pretend as if it is your finger that pushes the cheek, not sure if you still remember? This needs a little demonstration, very hard to explain in words.)

Friend 3
I knew you from that memorable church camp about 3 years ago, where I met many dear friends whom I really cherished, that camp was really fun because of you people. It was an answer to a prayer of mine, and you are one of them, that is, to get to know friends who I can always share wonderful times together, by just being myself, nothing to hide, no need to talk about architecture, and these are my bible studies buddies.

You and your hushand-to-be sure make a lovely couple; the picture above was drawn imagining you both on a motorbike! Do you like it?

Conclusion
Congratulation, dear friends! Jesus loves you all deeply! May His love be the love that holds the marriage together!

Do take a rest in the midst of your busy schedule, enjoy Him a little for He cares for you. Why not spend a moment or 2 to enjoy the comics here and perhaps drop a comment or 2? Somehow, it seems all my friends who read my blog are all so shy to give any comment no matter how hard i hint at you? I think I also need to trust Him for your comments to come in too! Remember Jesus will surely carry you (me) through!
little lamb art

3 Cases

The past 2 weeks were hectic, as my flat is now in the middle of its renovation. There are so many things to do, to think, to decide, to redesign and to buy, and everything that pertains to the renovation of the flat has to be done during weekends, therefore, there is almost no difference between weekdays and weekends for me, since the nature is the same as what I do for a living. So, I hope to take this occasion to write on 3 incidents that happened.

Case 1
With a 9am to 6.30pm job (not to mention most of the time we work beyond that), I don’t have time to meet up my contractor face to face to discuss about the renovation of my flat except on a Saturday, and it had been so for the past few weeks. In the midst of all the hurly burly, there is always something funny that happens that sort of make people laugh and this is one of those incidents that happen, and that was yesterday.

At 7.45am, I was suddenly awoken by a vibration sound coming from my mobile phone. Over the other line was my contractor, “Are we meeting now? Where are you?” Rubbing my eyes with unbelief, I searched for a watch nearby to confirm the time and I was nearly shocked, thinking that my contractor was joking, because he is staying at Jurong, and my flat is at Yishun (that is really far apart for Singapore context), who in the world will arrange to meet at 7.30am, with no violent objection especially on a Saturday morning? I thought we meant to meet up face to face at 10.30am! Only then did I realize that he heard wrongly, as the pronunciation for 7.30am and 10.30am in mandarin do sound similar over the phone. However, we did manage to meet up at 8.30am. (The other reason for this “misunderstanding” was also the fact that I would normally visit my flat to see the progress at about 7.45am in the morning before I go to work, and to call my contactor at about 8plus to give him more instruction, therefore this also “blur” him up.)

Case 2
Designing for my own flat, and myself being an architect by training, could be both exciting yet “scary”. Suddenly, my flat’s design becomes an art piece to the people around me and things to talk about, although they have not seen it, yet they seem to have such great expectation, that out of no where, undue pressure from friends was felt, it was like it was no longer enough just to satisfy myself anymore. Coupled with my mom and brother’s request and opinions (actually not too much, thank God), the stress seems tremendous. I caught myself, and realized I have fallen into the same trap again, of trying to meet people’s approval and expectation and forgot to enjoy the process.

Case 3
Architects are treated like “kings” to suppliers of building related products. Suppliers will always try to make appointment with us so as to meet us face to face to introduce their products. Whatever we need, they would always try to please us, even bringing right to our doorstep big items such as water closets, chairs, tiles and light fittings when we demand them, and these products are mostly well-known European goods.

Yet this scenario did not seem to happen when it comes to my own flat. Running from one industrial park to another searching for the ideal, beautiful and inexpensive sanitary wares. Walking from one end of Balestier Road to the other end, looking into almost every shop that sell light fittings, and to finally come to the conclusion, most of the lights are from Taiwan, and any Italian light fitting will be 4 to 5 times more than imitation (Taiwan made).

This is not just confined to light fittings. For example, when it comes to tiles, we would normally choose European tiles for our projects, yet now, I have to make do with China tiles (pseudo Italian looking design). These tiles which we always try to avoid using for client, I ended up using without even questioning its porosity, unevenness, etc. What a joke!

There were even times when I felt like stating to these suppliers my profession to hopefully get a better product at a better price…. (I did that for the sanitary wares though.)

Conclusion
These are some of the crazy events of the last few weeks, and perhaps will be so for the next couple of weeks, while I start my shopping for furniture next. (I may continue to bore you all for the next couple of weeks on the progress of renovation!)
Yet in the midst of all this, I really need to be reminded again and again that my trust is in Him, and stop striving so hard, just simply rest in Him. After all, He is truly the Master Architect of the whole universe, and when I start seeing myself with Him in me designing, coordinating, everything seems to look easier. Cast all your (my) cares on Him for He cares for you (me) and He will surely carry you (me) through!

The Train

Not sure how many of you travel to work by train (MRT)? And how many actually travel either from one end of Singapore to the other end or from the top to the bottom? I am one of those. Most of the time, I enjoy my train ride, listening to my mp3 player with either some beautiful music or the ever familiar voice of my pastor, while I stand attentively on a lookout for a seat.

Based on my rough estimate, for every 4 trains that pass by the station I am boarding, there will be one which is totally empty, and I normally would wait a little longer and take one of those unless I am already running late. However, this does not occurs everyday, because I tend to be a bit late most of the days, and even when I am early, by the time I got unto one of those empty trains, I would still be late for work.

Yet, after several years of practice (working in town for the past 4 to 5 years), I have sort of master the skill of identifying polytechnic students who would alight 2 stations away from where I board. When I suspect that there is one of those in the same cabin, I would then try to subtly walk close to him and stand there, yet pretending as if I just happened to be there. Sad to say, my guess and strategy is only half the time correct.

Then what about the half? I would then see other passengers standing next to me, who board the train later than me, and yet able to get a seat much earlier than me! (Sob… What injustice!) There are even several occasions that I have to stand all the way to work. So some weird ideas came to me, I wish perhaps someone who is in charge of the MRT would read this, can we take queue number for train too? Then anyone who board a train which is fully occupied with no available empty seat, would be assigned the first available empty seat based on his queue number. Or else, I have another idea. Can we request each of those who has a seat, to indicate on a Lcd screen placed above each of the seats, the station that they are alighting, so that we can position ourselves and to be strategically stationed?

Anyway, these are some crazy ideas I had when I am on the train (but don’t you think they are quite creative?), occasionally dreaming away with my pastor’s voice in the background. Yet when at times I got a seat, you know what? The selfish nature of me would just want to pretend to sleep, just in case I see any pregnant woman standing, and I felt “obliged” to stand. This is me, your friend, my true nature, don’t be shocked, now you see more of my imperfection. Yet aren’t you glad that you have a friend who dares to show forth her weakness?

The fact is getting a seat and having half an hour nap on the train is very precious and valuable! And I did a quick calculation, minus all the walking to the station, the time we spend on the train or traveling is about an hour a day, and that is more than 4% of our daily life, and more than 6% of our awake time. Isn’t this time very precious? Then perhaps, we should do something really constructive during this time, take a nap, take a good rest, in preparation for a busy day ahead. Isn’t there a Chinese saying, a good rest is to allow us to travel even longer?

Daddy-Long-Leg

Not sure any of you have read the children’s book “Daddy–Long-Leg”? Quite embarrassed to confess this, I actually read this book only when I was in secondary school. It was my Dad who bought it for me, and it was a Chinese version. Describing it a little here, it is a compilation of several letters written by an orphan to a very wealthy man (whom she had never met) who had kindly sponsored her for further education, the only condition was for her to write a letter to him every month, and yet not expecting any response from him. I loved the story, the cute little sketches in the book. This is one book that after I have read the Chinese version, I went to borrow the original English version. In fact, I could not remember the number of times I have reread this book. (I have the tendency to reread or re-watch anything I like for a couple of times.)

Just a few months back, I was caught by surprise to actually catch it on TV in the form of a Japanese animation, which later on, for the following couple of weeks, my mom faithfully recorded almost every episode for me, as it was shown during my working hours.

Being overwhelmed with excitement of knowing that it was made into an animation, I fervently checked the websites to see if there was any possibility of purchasing it. (Although to be honest, the animation is really not that great.) In the midst of doing so, I accidentally stumbled upon a website and read that there is a readaption of “Daddy-Long-Leg” into a movie in South Korea. I being an avert Korean drama fans, definitely could not wait for several couple of months before I could watch it in Singapore, and therefore I requested my dear colleague to kindly purchase the movie for me from China. (Legal one I think.)

Why is such a story ever so popular? Stories like Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, have all become classic fairy tales, and despite the old fashioned storyline of always a poor young lady being saved by someone rich and powerful, people still love them. Or even stories like Superman and Spiderman, stories of heroes who gave their all to save their loved ones, aren’t these the “super” old fashion stories, and yet people still flock to the cinema to catch them?

I strongly believe that deep down within every heart, everyone yearns for someone who is strong and powerful, and yet able to identify with his weaknesses and failures in life. Therefore, you know what? I think if there are any further remakes of these fairy tales, I for one am sure that there will still be a huge number of followers for these shows, because they do give man some sort of short-term relief and comfort to the emptiness within. Yet I am grateful to know that there is truly a Daddy-in-heaven who is better than these heroes in the stories and is real!

And cheers, have a great week ahead cos He watches over you!

A Break

I was actually toying with the idea of putting off this mid-week journal and be satisfied with writing only one journal on this Saturday, partly because I reached home pretty late today. In fact, I am really very busy for this entire week. Allow me to give a quick rundown on my “busyness” that had happened or will happen this week.

The renovation for my house has finally started and I have yet gone to take a look. Almost everyday, I have meeting after meeting, and some breathing time slots in between for me to sit down at my desk to catch up on the countless numbers of emails that flood my office outlook every hour. There are also colleagues that I must spend time with to get their help to get things done and also colleagues that I have got to chase after to get my things done. When I finally have time to sit down and start putting on my “design” cap, I got to get into the “flow” of it again, to revisit the design to see where I last left off, this will normally take sometime, and perhaps by the time some idea seems to be forth coming, it is almost time either for lunch or time to rush off for another meeting or to go home.

That’s how life is, in an architect’s life (I think, but I hope I am not the only one.) And this is one of those weeks, besides being so busy with work, there are also several prearranged personal appointments after office hour that one could not stay overtime to finish off the work. Thus, I ended up packing lunch to eat and work during lunch hour for the past few days.

Perhaps to many of you out there who are unfamiliar with the line I am in, we sometimes call what we are doing, “putting out fire”, architects are like firemen. Every week, there seems to be new crisis that arises, either in terms of authority or client’s requirement, or some suppliers delivered wrong stuff to construction site, or contractor constructed some elements wrongly etc. I could only hope that every construction work can always be smooth sailing, that is, having no crisis, but I have yet to see one.

However, despite of all this, spending time writing this journal could actually be quite therapeutic at moments such as this. In fact, I have brought back a stack of materials to read to prepare for a presentation on Friday, yet I have decided to put them aside (Jesus will take care of it), and write this, as I began to visualize all you dear friends out there who would faithfully open and read this blog even when you too are tied up with your work, (I know some of you actually open this blog everyday to check), thanks friends for being here to read my thoughts, and this actually gives me great strength and encouragement to carry on, not to disappoint any of you.

There is always time for us to sit down and take a little break to do something we like if we really want to, and being able to do this is such a great blessing in our everyday life! I hope when you are reading this, you too are having a little break from the hectic schedule ahead of you today, and this gives you a little encouragement too! Take a break!

Another rejected piece of art. Please ignore the numbers, if they remind you of anything, that is purely coincidental. Have a great week ahead! Our Shepherd truly cares about us, even to the tiniest detail!
little lamb art

Serendipity

Do you like the slight change to the blog? I have been trying to find out how to add some simple background to the blog for quite sometime! I am a slower learner. I have attempted searching the web on how to change the background for a few weeks, even till past midnight for a couple of times, yet to no avail.

It is always interesting to note that many a times, the solution will find you out when you least tried to do it on your own. And this is one of those occasions again, that I stumbled on a website that taught one how to do it, even with a demo page that you can practice with side by side. This is what my pastor called “serendipity”, that is, making fortunate discoveries by accident. According to the dictionary, the word came from a Persian fairy tale about three princes of Serendip who kept making discoveries when they traveled.

Isn’t this so common in life? Just like I discover that there is such a thing as a blog one day in an article I read, and I was thinking to myself, “Hei, I can use that too!” And this is how this blog first came into being. Or another incident that happened recently, I received an email from a particular brand of product that asked its members to take part in a “Try and Buy” contest for a newly launched mp3 player, and I thought, “why not, no harm, just an email anyway.” And I won and got the chance to buy the mp3 player for 60% of the actual price after trying it, if I liked it. Or perhaps you too experienced this before. Maybe you had previously tried so hard, searching high and low for a lost item, and it seemed nowhere to be found, and then out of nowhere, you suddenly found that lost item.

At that moment, you might just felt you were actually at the right place at the right time. You felt Someone divine was holding your hands leading you every step of the way. You felt that Someone was there, putting little gifts along the pavement as you moved along, intending for you to discover them.

In fact, I believe life should be so all the time, if we would actually allow our eyes to be open, to see what we already have in life, how blessed we are. We have families, we have friends and the fact that you are reading this, means that you have access to the internet, perhaps even own the computer, able to read, and most likely able to write because you have been blessed to receive an education.

Anyway, guess this is enough of my babbling, time to go to bed. Still, I am so glad now that I have learnt how to add picture background to my blog, I shall change the background every now and then, dressing it up to create different “ambience”. Hope you like it too. Perhaps next time, another “serendipity” incident may happen again, I may learn to put in my own flash animation and post it online? Or anyone care to teach me?

This is inspired by the song "My Angel". It is also my few attempts at drawing people. Hope you like it and it brightens your day!
little lamb art

My Favourite Songs

Just want to write on something light hearted today. From the links here, it is not difficult to know what kind of music I listen to and whose fan I am. Have you ever heard a piece of music or a song, and suddenly you realised the vision before you blurred and your eyes are filled with tears, not due to a sense of sorrow, but a deep sense of gratitude. This does not happen often, but it occurs occasionally, and when it does, you just simply wish to find someone to share this wonderful piece of music with, and this is how I feel at times.

2 or 3 years ago, I happened to catch a group of 5 young men “Tension” performing a piece of A cappella cum rap for the song “Amazing Grace” on TV, and it blew me away, it was so beautiful! (I love A cappella, for it uses one of the best musical instruments in the world, our vocal cords, that God has given us to bring forth a “well-blended” song, which I never seem to master during my time in the choir.) So during one of my trips to China, I bought a compilation album of their songs. I enjoyed quite a number of the songs within, some of the songs still mean so much to me even after a year of listening to them. “My Angel” is one of them, and I hope it means just as much to you, if you would give this song an opportunity to express itself. (I tried my best to translate the beautiful lyrics into English, but if possible, read the original version, as the meaning may be diluted as a result of my translation.)

I am a “shy” David Tao’s fan, greatly admire his boldness and “frankness”, in terms of his music and attitude. However I am not one of those diehard fans. I only started enjoying his music about 3 years ago. I bought his recent controversial album. My personal opinion, many of his songs are not easy to digest on the first hearing, it takes time to enjoy and it grows better with each time you listen, just like a good tasting herbal soup, it lingers. “Love Can” is one of those. I remembered a couple of days ago, I was listening to it on my long walk home from the bus stop, I almost wanted to walk back and start my journey afresh to have another dose of the song. It is so warm hearted that it manages to put a smile on my face even after a long day’s work.

I shall not write too much, as nothing can evoke the same emotion till you hear it for yourself. Just one final word, I love these songs, for they are constant reminders of His great love towards me, being my everlasting Star, and giving me wings to fly! (They are not gospel songs.)

(Due to copyright reasons, I can only offer the lyrics and the links below, and hopefully if you have time to spare, do drop by those links and enjoy them. If you could not find the song in the list, you can try a page down or do a "search" within the same page to find. And if you like them, do buy them.)

My Angel
Love Can

Mountains always look beautiful from the side you are standing, from afar, and the fields look greener too! Yet it doesn't mean that this side is not just as good, or perhaps, better! Look at you, the fact that you are alive today means that you are already blessed! However, whichever side you are, the Lord is there with you and takes care of you. Since He gives you a dream, He will lead you to fulfil it!
little lamb art

Is the grass on the other side always greener?

Perhaps not many people who knew me know that I actually was a teacher before I became an architect, I hope to write about this little chapter in my life, a year of “self exploring” and risk taking, that till this day, I have no regret! And perhaps you too can take a little risk if you are at a point of indecision.

I believe everyone will ponder on the question “Is what I am doing now really what I want in life?” at one point or another. For me, it was architecture. It is a very long, tedious course, and to be honest, although I enjoy this job now, I would still advise all young people to really think through before stepping into it.

Architecture used to be a double degree course, which means, we had to pass one basic degree before we could move on to the next. Besides, we had to go through a 10-month job attachment between the two degrees, thus the entire process took 6 years to complete. (These days they shortened the process to 5 years with no year out attachment.)

As far as I could remember, I was a “high achiever” since teenager, that is, one who believed strongly that by sheer hard work and diligence, one could overcome any obstacle and achieve any goal in life. (Nowadays, I still fall into this trap occasionally.) It was only during my university life, that my theory of “hard work = good result” was completely overthrown. I saw peers putting in less effort getting great results. I saw peers who could not meet “datelines” (this is my prefer way of spelling it these days, because there is nothing to be “dead” about, so what if you miss the line, it’s not life and death!), yet extension of time was given to them while I struggled to get all completed on time! In those moments, I felt it was totally unfair and great injustice to the whole system of education!

I realized what amount of effort I put in does not correspond to the end result I envisioned to receive. It totally breaks Newton’s law of motion “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. This was truly the first time in my life that I felt utterly defeated, almost giving up on myself, not knowing that this was in fact the road to success, as total abandonment of self achievement would actually produce more result than sheer hard work and self effort! (I only knew this later on in life.)

With great disappointment, after I have gotten my first degree, I began to look elsewhere, especially in areas where I thought I could excel. I left architecture totally. I went into teaching, thinking it was a nobler job than architect and it seemed a greener field! While serving as a teacher, there was this constant unrest and almost continual sadness and disappointment, not that I was not performing in my teaching career, just that there was this great emptiness within, as if something was missing and unfulfilled. Daily, I dragged my feet to work, and I was actually extremely sorry for those kids I was teaching, that they had me as their teacher. I am not putting down teaching here, just that I was not made for it, but I followed the general common trend (join the teaching career) and move on like everyone else was doing and I was miserable. (I still think teachers are noble! And it takes a special breed of people.)

I knew deep down in my heart, I wanted to go back and complete what I have left undone. This was the first time I really get down and have a good talk with PAPA on this issue, and for the first time, I asked Him to put a passion in me if I was to go back. And that He had to redeem all my wasted time of 1 year due to my own making!

I went back and I discovered that architecture was really quite fun after all. I no longer do it for others’ sake or for results; I do it as a personal enjoyment. Taking the view that since He put me back at it, He is held responsible for the end result. To cut the long story short, till today, I still thoroughly enjoy myself in this job except for the long hours. As for the “wasted” year, it is not so anymore when I looked back as it actually put me into the right perspective, a year of discovery, a precious life lesson learnt, that is, all things will always turn around for our good as He is always faithful!